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OFFICIAL Strangle WaffleClock to Death Thread

Farted by ChocolateWaferClock, October 07, 2017, 05:22:51 PM

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JambaClock


ChocolateWaferClock

Can I by chance have references from any of you?
Tell Dumpster that his mom found the stash.

Topcatyo

Dear Sir or Madam

Let _________ into your _______.  Never have I had a brighter pupil who has showed such promise in my entire _________ career.  _________ was always prompt, never was late, and was always eager to help guide a project along.  Even more than that, they were always happy to help out others who were perhaps struggling with something that he had undoubtedly understood with ease.  It was truly an honor to work with them, and I know that they will extend that same great honor to you.

Please let me know if there are any questions about _______'s long and illustrious time under my guidance, and I'll be happy to answer them for you.  I'm sure once we've had a chance to talk in person, my enthusiasm for this stellar individual will be more than enough to convince about how serious I am in my recommendation of them.

Now that you've gotten this far, please call 911.  My family has been tied up in a car that is half off of a cliff, and the slightest move by them could send them careening to their deaths.  Now, ordinarily this would be no problem, but apparently they have also unleashed a burlap sack full of scorpions into the car too, and time is very quickly running out.  I have typed this letter under duress, and have not been allowed a bite to eat or anything to drink in well over a week, and I fear I may be dying.  Even if I don't make it, as I have not yet managed to pinpoint the location of the warehouse I am being held captive in, and there are men with guns all around me.  However, I know if you act fast, you can save them.  When you receive this letter, read up to here, look at them, and nod your head and accept them into the school on the spot.  This will stop the timer attached to the bomb under their car, and if the police have reached them in time, they'll be able to get them away from the scorpions.

Tell them that I love them and I'll be watching from heaven.

Once again, your institution would be remiss not to accept _______, as I think their track record more than speaks for itself.  They are, without exaggeration, one of the kindest, fairest, and most commendable people I have ever met in my time on this Earth, and I think you will have a similar opinion of them. If not, then you have met some truly wonderful people and lived a blessed life.

Best regards,
    -Topcatyo