Author Topic: Chi-Chi's  (Read 589 times)

AbsintheClock

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Chi-Chi's
« on: August 22, 2018, 01:23:17 AM »
This one time I was out at a Chi Chi's restaurant, the last one of it's kind. I ordered the three taco plate and there was this hot waitress, and when I went to the bathroom she followed me in. By that time I was already in the stall with my pants down. She grabbed my dick, and I shit all over the floor. She ran out screaming but a man came back with tortillas. He picked the feces out of my left pantleg with the tortilla, and ate it staring into my eyes intensely. I left a 20% tip, and when I came back they were closed. Closed forever.At least now when I go down the grocery store aisle, I see that brand of salsa.It makes me cry when I see it. Especially if there's soft rock on the speakers. Especially that one song about Africa by Toto. I went to a furniture store one time, and I tried an electric recliner. It was really comfortable. I sat in the chair for about 20 minutes before I realized I had to go to the bathroom. Just as I was reaching for the remote, the power in the store went off. After about 5 minutes, I took my pants off, and shat in the chair. I still ruined my pants, and I didn't get to buy the chair I wanted. I'm still very upset about it. What do you do when you get mad? I shit in urinals, and flush several times. So this old lady drops a big purple dildo out of her purse, and says "Oh I dropped my keys." Horrified the security guard says "Is that what you use to open your house with." And the old lady says "Oh nevermind that's what I use to fuck my ass with when my husband is too much of a pussy ass limp dick snowflake fuckball to give it to me hard in the ass until I shit in his dick. Sometimes I dream of going to a chinese buffet and immediately going camping. Then when I get into the outhouse I shit until the latrine is full and jerk off in the pile of shit. Then out of the pile of shit Tom Cruise is born, and he runs away from me. That's where my abandonment issues come from. If Hillary Clinton was lactating, Donald Trump would probably suck those titties behind closed doors. He ain't gonna get the magic wand going without those pills, but sucking on witch titty is more than enough devil mojo to make a zombie want to fuck the hot end of a pretzel stand. Do you think it would look cool if I did my pubes in like a leopard fur shag and tried to go to a restaurant like Chi-Chi's but different? I think I know where there's a Ken's Steakhouse. Parmesan Peppercorn, shit dick, and steak. I want the same uncomfortable stare and/or somebody touching my dick preferably at the same time. She took off my pants, and said "Sir you have to pay for those." and that's when I knew she might touch the hog. If I rode a trimotorcycle would that make up for the fact I wear sweatpants in public? Maybe if I matched it with a bolo, and cowboy boots I'd be a fucking bad ass. Do these sandals make me look too fucking sexy? I know even the dudes want to suck my toes when I wear them. I saw your dad in a Victoria's secret buying booty shorts that say "Pink" on them. Why does it say pink when they were baby blue and white? He changed in the Sears bathroom and put on the booty shorts. Shortly after he bought a ride mower for his 1/8th of an acre worth of grass. He stopped at the liquor store and bought a case of Red Dog. When he got home he drank six of them, and then he went to jack off in the pink booty shorts. As he sat down, and pulled his dick over the soft fibers of the elastic, he shit himself. Sometimes when I fist your mother, I don't let my hand out til she does her impression of Yoda. Is it normal to shove a snickers bar up your ass when you're constipated just so you feel like you took a shit? Cuz you can poop it back out and it kinda looks like a shit. So psychologically you can trick yourself into pooping more. Pooping with your mind. Sometimes when I bust a nut, I accidentally hit the walls. That Mr. Clean magic eraser sure is ruining my wallpaper. I once knew a lady who fucked a bowl of oatmeal and fed it to her dog. She called it the quaking oats. How many items is customary to buy condoms with so you aren't just that guy who wants to fuck? Did you know that whales can drink a truck's worth of Gatorade Frost, and still have enough time to kill a baby? If breathing farts makes you live longer, and that's your thing you should live in a greyhound bus. If chinese food never makes you full does then China is on the longest hunger strike. That's some serious willpower. Stay the fuck away from my flaming hot cheetos or I'm gonna skullfuck you so hard even Danzig won't want your skull.


AbsintheClock

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Re: Chi-Chi's
« Reply #1 on: August 22, 2018, 01:32:41 AM »
This one time I was out at a Chi Chi's restaurant, the last one of it's kind. I ordered the three taco plate and there was this hot waitress, and when I went to the bathroom she followed me in. By that time I was already in the stall with my pants down. She grabbed my dick, and I shit all over the floor. She ran out screaming but a man came back with tortillas. He picked the feces out of my left pantleg with the tortilla, and ate it staring into my eyes intensely. I left a 20% tip, and when I came back they were closed. Closed forever.At least now when I go down the grocery store aisle, I see that brand of salsa.It makes me cry when I see it. Especially if there's soft rock on the speakers. Especially that one song about Africa by Toto. I went to a furniture store one time, and I tried an electric recliner. It was really comfortable. I sat in the chair for about 20 minutes before I realized I had to go to the bathroom. Just as I was reaching for the remote, the power in the store went off. After about 5 minutes, I took my pants off, and shat in the chair. I still ruined my pants, and I didn't get to buy the chair I wanted. I'm still very upset about it. What do you do when you get mad? I shit in urinals, and flush several times. So this old lady drops a big purple dildo out of her purse, and says "Oh I dropped my keys." Horrified the security guard says "Is that what you use to open your house with." And the old lady says "Oh nevermind that's what I use to fuck my ass with when my husband is too much of a pussy ass limp dick snowflake fuckball to give it to me hard in the ass until I shit in his dick. Sometimes I dream of going to a chinese buffet and immediately going camping. Then when I get into the outhouse I shit until the latrine is full and jerk off in the pile of shit. Then out of the pile of shit Tom Cruise is born, and he runs away from me. That's where my abandonment issues come from. If Hillary Clinton was lactating, Donald Trump would probably suck those titties behind closed doors. He ain't gonna get the magic wand going without those pills, but sucking on witch titty is more than enough devil mojo to make a zombie want to fuck the hot end of a pretzel stand. Do you think it would look cool if I did my pubes in like a leopard fur shag and tried to go to a restaurant like Chi-Chi's but different? I think I know where there's a Ken's Steakhouse. Parmesan Peppercorn, shit dick, and steak. I want the same uncomfortable stare and/or somebody touching my dick preferably at the same time. She took off my pants, and said "Sir you have to pay for those." and that's when I knew she might touch the hog. If I rode a trimotorcycle would that make up for the fact I wear sweatpants in public? Maybe if I matched it with a bolo, and cowboy boots I'd be a fucking bad ass. Do these sandals make me look too fucking sexy? I know even the dudes want to suck my toes when I wear them. I saw your dad in a Victoria's secret buying booty shorts that say "Pink" on them. Why does it say pink when they were baby blue and white? He changed in the Sears bathroom and put on the booty shorts. Shortly after he bought a ride mower for his 1/8th of an acre worth of grass. He stopped at the liquor store and bought a case of Red Dog. When he got home he drank six of them, and then he went to jack off in the pink booty shorts. As he sat down, and pulled his dick over the soft fibers of the elastic, he shit himself. Sometimes when I fist your mother, I don't let my hand out til she does her impression of Yoda. Is it normal to shove a snickers bar up your ass when you're constipated just so you feel like you took a shit? Cuz you can poop it back out and it kinda looks like a shit. So psychologically you can trick yourself into pooping more. Pooping with your mind. Sometimes when I bust a nut, I accidentally hit the walls. That Mr. Clean magic eraser sure is ruining my wallpaper. I once knew a lady who fucked a bowl of oatmeal and fed it to her dog. She called it the quaking oats. How many items is customary to buy condoms with so you aren't just that guy who wants to fuck? Did you know that whales can drink a truck's worth of Gatorade Frost, and still have enough time to kill a baby? If breathing farts makes you live longer, and that's your thing you should live in a greyhound bus. If chinese food never makes you full does then China is on the longest hunger strike. That's some serious willpower. Stay the fuck away from my flaming hot cheetos or I'm gonna skullfuck you so hard even Danzig won't want your skull.

AbsintheClock

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Re: Chi-Chi's
« Reply #2 on: August 22, 2018, 01:33:46 AM »
This one time I was out at a Chi Chi's restaurant, the last one of it's kind. I ordered the three taco plate and there was this hot waitress, and when I went to the bathroom she followed me in. By that time I was already in the stall with my pants down. She grabbed my dick, and I shit all over the floor. She ran out screaming but a man came back with tortillas. He picked the feces out of my left pantleg with the tortilla, and ate it staring into my eyes intensely. I left a 20% tip, and when I came back they were closed. Closed forever.At least now when I go down the grocery store aisle, I see that brand of salsa.It makes me cry when I see it. Especially if there's soft rock on the speakers. Especially that one song about Africa by Toto. I went to a furniture store one time, and I tried an electric recliner. It was really comfortable. I sat in the chair for about 20 minutes before I realized I had to go to the bathroom. Just as I was reaching for the remote, the power in the store went off. After about 5 minutes, I took my pants off, and shat in the chair. I still ruined my pants, and I didn't get to buy the chair I wanted. I'm still very upset about it. What do you do when you get mad? I shit in urinals, and flush several times. So this old lady drops a big purple dildo out of her purse, and says "Oh I dropped my keys." Horrified the security guard says "Is that what you use to open your house with." And the old lady says "Oh nevermind that's what I use to fuck my ass with when my husband is too much of a pussy ass limp dick snowflake fuckball to give it to me hard in the ass until I shit in his dick. Sometimes I dream of going to a chinese buffet and immediately going camping. Then when I get into the outhouse I shit until the latrine is full and jerk off in the pile of shit. Then out of the pile of shit Tom Cruise is born, and he runs away from me. That's where my abandonment issues come from. If Hillary Clinton was lactating, Donald Trump would probably suck those titties behind closed doors. He ain't gonna get the magic wand going without those pills, but sucking on witch titty is more than enough devil mojo to make a zombie want to fuck the hot end of a pretzel stand. Do you think it would look cool if I did my pubes in like a leopard fur shag and tried to go to a restaurant like Chi-Chi's but different? I think I know where there's a Ken's Steakhouse. Parmesan Peppercorn, shit dick, and steak. I want the same uncomfortable stare and/or somebody touching my dick preferably at the same time. She took off my pants, and said "Sir you have to pay for those." and that's when I knew she might touch the hog. If I rode a trimotorcycle would that make up for the fact I wear sweatpants in public? Maybe if I matched it with a bolo, and cowboy boots I'd be a fucking bad ass. Do these sandals make me look too fucking sexy? I know even the dudes want to suck my toes when I wear them. I saw your dad in a Victoria's secret buying booty shorts that say "Pink" on them. Why does it say pink when they were baby blue and white? He changed in the Sears bathroom and put on the booty shorts. Shortly after he bought a ride mower for his 1/8th of an acre worth of grass. He stopped at the liquor store and bought a case of Red Dog. When he got home he drank six of them, and then he went to jack off in the pink booty shorts. As he sat down, and pulled his dick over the soft fibers of the elastic, he shit himself. Sometimes when I fist your mother, I don't let my hand out til she does her impression of Yoda. Is it normal to shove a snickers bar up your ass when you're constipated just so you feel like you took a shit? Cuz you can poop it back out and it kinda looks like a shit. So psychologically you can trick yourself into pooping more. Pooping with your mind. Sometimes when I bust a nut, I accidentally hit the walls. That Mr. Clean magic eraser sure is ruining my wallpaper. I once knew a lady who fucked a bowl of oatmeal and fed it to her dog. She called it the quaking oats. How many items is customary to buy condoms with so you aren't just that guy who wants to fuck? Did you know that whales can drink a truck's worth of Gatorade Frost, and still have enough time to kill a baby? If breathing farts makes you live longer, and that's your thing you should live in a greyhound bus. If chinese food never makes you full does then China is on the longest hunger strike. That's some serious willpower. Stay the fuck away from my flaming hot cheetos or I'm gonna skullfuck you so hard even Danzig won't want your skull.

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Re: Chi-Chi's
« Reply #3 on: August 22, 2018, 01:48:40 AM »
What if Abs goes bughouse one day and shoots up an On The Border and the prosecutor finds this the day before sentencing and stays up all night trying to dissect it to convince the judge that the death penalty would be appropriate and then at like 4AM the prosecutor is like, "wait, are there seriously no Chi-Chi's anymore?"

AbsintheClock

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Re: Chi-Chi's
« Reply #4 on: August 22, 2018, 02:06:24 AM »
Then I hope they fucking kill me.

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Re: Chi-Chi's
« Reply #5 on: August 22, 2018, 02:19:44 AM »
Wiki says there are still Chi-Chi's operating in Kuwait.

We're gonna need a GoFundMe for Absinthe.

AbsintheClock

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Re: Chi-Chi's
« Reply #6 on: August 22, 2018, 02:43:09 AM »
Shit there's one in Belgium too. Send me there so I can show L1fty pictures of Tin Tin's dick and eat frikandel like a giant bag of onion and mayo covered fried dicks while I get piss fucking drunk off of monk hooch. Every statue in Luxemborg will see Tin Tin's dick.

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Re: Chi-Chi's
« Reply #7 on: August 22, 2018, 02:59:49 AM »
sucking on witch titty is more than enough devil mojo to make a zombie want to fuck the hot end of a pretzel stand
words to live by

clamclock

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Re: Chi-Chi's
« Reply #8 on: August 22, 2018, 07:33:08 PM »
Wiki says there are still Chi-Chi's operating in Kuwait.

Time to visit Kuwait
<(L)>

AbsintheClock

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Re: Chi-Chi's
« Reply #9 on: August 23, 2018, 12:33:42 AM »
Hey guys I just got back from Kuwait where I went to the local Chi Chi's and ran into Abdulhussain Abdulredha. We both proceeded to go into the men's room where we stood side by side in the urinals, and when we were done we both turned around to piss liquid shit from our asses into the urinal, and flushed several times. Two waitresses came out with tortillas to wipe our asses, but my ass juice dripped on her hijab before she got to show titties so I got kicked out of the country.

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Re: Chi-Chi's
« Reply #10 on: August 23, 2018, 09:48:28 AM »
Just got word from Netflix that this has been optioned for a mid-season miniseries.

clamclock

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Re: Chi-Chi's
« Reply #11 on: August 27, 2018, 08:46:18 AM »
Hey guys I just got back from Kuwait where I went to the local Chi Chi's and ran into Abdulhussain Abdulredha. We both proceeded to go into the men's room where we stood side by side in the urinals, and when we were done we both turned around to piss liquid shit from our asses into the urinal, and flushed several times. Two waitresses came out with tortillas to wipe our asses, but my ass juice dripped on her hijab before she got to show titties so I got kicked out of the country.
Shit.

Oh well, there's always Belgium, i guess...
<(L)>