Author Topic: Ok wtf (officially renamed "The Adventures of Sylvester K")  (Read 7948 times)

ElementsClock

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"The Adventures of Sylvester K" story thread
« Reply #40 on: December 18, 2005, 09:58:55 AM »
Quote from: Crustclock
The thread has evolved.

Not really, it's just still basically posting chat logs.

Making a whole new thread with flash plans and such would be a different story.

CrustClock

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"The Adventures of Sylvester K" story thread
« Reply #41 on: December 18, 2005, 10:02:24 AM »
Quote from: ElementsClock
Making a whole new thread with flash plans and such would be a different story.

I'm sure tree's working on it right now.

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"The Adventures of Sylvester K" story thread
« Reply #42 on: December 18, 2005, 01:21:25 PM »
Quote from: ElementsClock
Not really, it's just still basically posting chat logs.

Making a whole new thread with flash plans and such would be a different story.

You always have to be a Negative Nancy don't you Elements.

DeadTreeClock

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« Reply #43 on: December 18, 2005, 07:17:01 PM »
Quote from: Crustclock
I'm sure tree's working on it right now.


Actually i'm not.

Just do your fucking flash movies, its not as complicated as you people are trying to make it. Geez.

CD Clock

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"The Adventures of Sylvester K" story thread
« Reply #44 on: December 18, 2005, 07:27:20 PM »
Sylvester should be sylvester stylone. It would be much more classy.

bigbadron

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"The Adventures of Sylvester K" story thread
« Reply #45 on: December 18, 2005, 07:48:30 PM »
dude, hp is such an awesome company. my printer just died recently, and i used their online help. it was so useful.

   
   
Issue
The printer will not print when you click Print.
Solution
Step 1: Verify the following items

    *
      The printer is connected to the power source.
    *
      The cable connections are secure.
    *
      The printer is turned on.
    *
      The print cartridges are correctly installed.
    *
      The paper or other media is correctly loaded in the In tray.
    *
      The printer cover is closed.
    *
      The rear access door or optional duplexer is attached.

Step 2: Check the printer cable connection
If the printer cable is attached to a USB hub, a printing conflict might exist. Use one of the following methods to resolve the conflict:

    *
      Attach the printer USB cable directly to your computer.
    *
      When printing, do not use other USB devices that are attached to the hub.

but when that didn't work, i emailed some support, and they gave me the best advice:

"Buy this!"


so helpful.

VCRClock

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"The Adventures of Sylvester K" story thread
« Reply #46 on: December 18, 2005, 10:20:34 PM »
Chapter XIV?
Me: hello?
Sylvester K: Welcome to the Samaritans Helpline for the Depressed and Suicidal. My name is Sylvester K. How may I assist you today?
Me: Hi
Me: whenever i have to endure something particularly painful
Me: i feel like I have to slit my wrists
Me: so far its caused no problems in my performence but its a bit annoying
Me: is there anything i could do to solve this problem?
Sylvester K: Are you cutting yourself with a razor called Red Devil Blade Scraper 3222 ?
Me: yes
Sylvester K: Thank you for confirming the model number.
Sylvester K: I understand that your wrists only become slit after you drag the razor blade across them. Otherwise your wrists are not slit.
Sylvester K: Am I right?
Me: correct
Sylvester K: When the issue first occur?
Me: a few months ago
Me: what is wrong with me?
Sylvester K: Have you checked if there are any Linkin Park albums accumulated in your room?
Me: my brother has amazing taste in music and checks daily
Sylvester K: And also let me know if your wrists begin to hurt and/or bleed while you are slitting them.
Me: my wrists bleed but only where i cut them, and i dont feel any pain
Sylvester K: Okay
Me: is it fixable?
Sylvester K: Alec, your wrists being slit is due the razor putting lot of pressure on your wrists and the sharp edge will make the skin to break thus causing the bleeding.
Sylvester K: Your Wrists have Blood in them.
Me: i had a blood transplant a while back
Me: so i didn't die of blood loss
Sylvester K: Okay
Me: is it a high risk?
Sylvester K: Are you slitting these wrists with this razor?
Me: yes
Sylvester K: It is not a high risk.
Me: i have had it for almost a year now
Sylvester K: Okay
Me: any solution or do i need to deal with the blood?
Me: Also, the slitting does not stop until i become unconscious.
Sylvester K: Thank you for having a phone.

ElementsClock

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« Reply #47 on: December 19, 2005, 09:51:03 AM »
Quote from: Marlin_Clock
You always have to be a Negative Nancy don't you Elements.

What post was negative in this thread?

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"The Adventures of Sylvester K" story thread
« Reply #48 on: December 19, 2005, 10:03:40 AM »
Chapter XV: Sylvester K is Satan.

Me: Hello?
Sylvester K: Hello, thank you for coming to Hell. How may I assist you?
Me: Whatever I take a step demons jump out from behind rocks and shove hot pokers up my ass.
Sylvester K: Have you been a bad person?
Me: Well, not really.
Sylvester K: Have you ever killed a man?
Me: No.
Sylvester K: Have you ever robbed anyone?
Me: No, or course not.
Sylvester K: Okay.
Me: Arn't you going to do anything?!
Sylvester K: It's not a high risk.
Me: Doesn't it bother you have I'll be burning in the fires of Styx for all eternity, and I havn't done anything?
Sylvester K: Thank you for coming to Hell, enjoy for stay!
I\'ve had this signature for years now, I think I may need a new one.

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"The Adventures of Sylvester K" story thread
« Reply #49 on: December 19, 2005, 06:50:04 PM »
Chapter XVI, Sylvester K is a bank teller.

Me: Hello?
SK: Thank you for coming to the bank. How can i help you?
Me: This is a stickup! Give me all of yor maney!
SK: I see.
SK: What are you using to hold up the bank?
Me: Uh... a gun...
SK: any specific type of gun?
Me: Its a gun! Who cares?
SK: So you are holding up the bank with a gun. if you did not have a gun, you would not hold up the bank.
SK: Am i correct?
Me: Just give me the money!
SK: When did this issue first start?
Me: uh... two minutes ago..
SK: have you checked yourself for any mental or emotional disorders?
Me: Uh....
SK: Have you checked the bank for any signs of security equipment, ie cameras, motion detectors, silent alarms, etc?
Me: there were a few cameras around here...
SK: it is not a high risk.
Me: what is not a high risk?
SK:  Thank you for trying to hold up the bank. The police will now haul your ass into jail.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

WalkieTalkieClock

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"The Adventures of Sylvester K" story thread
« Reply #50 on: December 20, 2005, 08:36:24 PM »
Sylvester K is an online help bot. The name is intentionally generic and was used by HP - a computer software / hardware company. It was originally brought to the public's attention on http://ClockCrew.net , an online animation group. It's comedic potential was quickly realised with this conversation...

''This is a technical support chat i had tonight.
Me: hello?
Sylvester K: Welcome to HP Total Care for Presario Desktops. My name is Sylvester K. How may I assist you today?
Me: Hi
Me: whenever i play a game or use programs that take alot of memore
Me: my computer begins to make a loud buzzing noise
Me: so far its caused no problems in my performence but its a bit annoying
Me: is there anything i could do to solve this problem?
Sylvester K: Is the model number of the computer with this issue SR1030NX ?
Me: yes
Sylvester K: Thank you for confirming the model number.
Sylvester K: I understand that the computer makes a loud buzzing sound only while playing games/video or applications that take a lot of memory. Otherwise this sound is not produced.
Sylvester K: Am I right?
Me: correct
Sylvester K: When the issue first occur?
Me: a few months ago
Me: what is wrong with it?
Sylvester K: Have you checked if there are any dirt accumulated on the CPU Fan?
Me: i have sprayed it out with dust off
Sylvester K: And also let me know if the tower gets heated up and/or the computer freezes while playing the games.
Me: the tower heats up in the back but not in the front, and there is no freezing during games
Sylvester K: Okay
Me: is it fixable?
Sylvester K: Alec, the computer making a loud buzzing sound is due the high graphics intensive application putting lot of load on the processor and the graphics card/chip will make the CPU fan to run at a faster speed thus causing the sound.
Sylvester K: This Desktop comes with an Integrated graphics chip.
Me: i bought a different one a while back
Me: a more powerful one
Sylvester K: Okay
Me: is it a high risk to my computer?
Sylvester K: Is the new graphics card installed on this computer?
Me: yes
Sylvester K: It is not a high risk.
Me: it has been installed for almost a year now
Sylvester K: Okay
Me: any solution or do i need to deal with the sound?
Me: Also, the bzzing does not stop until i restart my computer.
Sylvester K: Thank you for being online.

He ended with that and i was disconnected.''

Members of The Clock Crew have begun work on this new fad, creating animations in the name of Sylvester K. He is being portrayed as Sylvester, from Warner Brothers' television shows and films. Many veriations of this story have been written already, such as...

- Sylvester K Becomes a Doctor
- Sylvester K Becomes an Airplane Pilot
- Sylvester K Becomes an Emergency Room Operator
- Sylvester K Becomes an Army General

And many others. If you would like to read current stories refer to http://www.clockcrew.net/bbs/showthread.php?t=12955 .


I love you all with a deep deep hatred.

catclock

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« Reply #51 on: December 20, 2005, 10:16:33 PM »
Alright, I got one

Sylvester K the Christmas Tree Salesman

Me: Hello.
Sylvester K: Welcome to Overpriced Christmas Trees United
Sylvester K:How may I assist you today?
Me: Uh, I need a Christmas tree, what's the price on this one?
Sylvester K: Is the model number of the tree 3S4rf2
Me: How should I know? It's a tree. There's no model number on it.
Sylvester K: Thank you for confirming the model number.
Sylvester K: I understand you want to buy a Christmas tree to hang lights on it.
Sylvester K: Am I right?
Me: Yeah
Sylvester K: When did this issue first occur?
Me: A couple months ago
Me: Hey wait what the fuck? What issue?
Sylvester K: Have you checked if there is any snow accumulated on the tree?
Me: Yeah, I brushed it off though.
Sylvester K: Also, let me know if the tree gets heated up during use.
Me: Uh, alright.
Sylvester K: The tree is on fire due to the match I just threw on it.
Sylvester K: It comes with additional pine needles on it.
Me: Is this burning tree, a risk to my house hold?
Sylvester K: It is not a high risk.
Me: It's set the store on fire.
Sylvester K: Ok
Me: So how much will this cost me?
Me: And shouldn't you extingush the fire on the store?
Sylvester K: Thank you for buying a tree

うんこ

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"The Adventures of Sylvester K" story thread
« Reply #52 on: December 21, 2005, 12:42:05 AM »
Sylvester K. How may I assist you today?
Me: HELP! I'M BEING RAPED!
Sylvester K: Are you being forced?
Me: WHAT DOES RAPE MEAN TO YOU!?!?!
Sylvester K: Thank you for confirming the form of sexual assult.
Sylvester K: I understand that you are being raped.
Sylvester K: Am I right?
Me: correct
Sylvester K: When the issue first occur?
Me: 20 minutes ago, when I first contacted you!
Me: what is wrong with you, you stupid bastard!?!?!?!?
Sylvester K: Have you checked if there are any dirt accumulated on 'it'?
Me: wtf...?
Sylvester K: And also let me know if the action gets heated up
Me: YOU SUCK!!!!!!
Sylvester K: Okay
Me: is it fixable?
Sylvester K: You are being raped.
Me: No duh.
Sylvester K: Okay
Me: is it a high risk to my virginity?
Sylvester K: It is not a high risk.
Me: any solution or do i need to deal with this?
Sylvester K: Thanks you for being alive. *hangs up*
Me: DAMN YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Betamax

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"The Adventures of Sylvester K" story thread
« Reply #53 on: April 17, 2006, 10:28:46 PM »
mkay here's mine.

Me: hello?
Sylvester K: Welcome to the NASA support hotline.  How may I help you?
Me: Hi
Me: I have the strangest burning sensation in my eyes.  Until recently, my eyesight had been fine.  Also, most of my field of vision is consumed by a dark greenish blur.
Me: is there anything i could do to solve this problem?
Sylvester K: Is the model of your eyes OCX24953?
Me: yes
Sylvester K: Thank you for confirming the model number.
Sylvester K: I understand that you have a burning sensation in your eyes, along with degrading vision.  You have not had any previous problems with your eyesight.
Sylvester K: Am I right?
Me: correct
Sylvester K: When the issue first occur?
Me: a few minutes ago, after I had been staring at the sun for about a half an hour.
Me: what is wrong with my eyes?
Sylvester K: Have you checked if there are any particles or objects lodged in your eyes?
Me: I have sprayed my eyes with dust off.
Sylvester K: And let me know if you have viewed the sun through a telescope.
Me: No, I can see it fine without any magnification.  It looks sort of dark by now, along with everything else.
Sylvester K: Okay
Me: Are they fixable?
Sylvester K: Evan, you have exposed your eyes to an excessive amount of ultraviolet radiation.  Ultraviolet radiation can play a contributory role in the development of various ocular disorders including cataract, pterygium, cancer of the skin around the eye, photokeratitis and corneal degenerative changes, and may contribute to age-related macular degeneration.
Sylvester K: Do these eyes come equipped with contact lenses?
Me: I bought a different set a while back
Me: Much  more powerful one
Sylvester K: Okay
Me: is it a high risk to my eyesight?
Sylvester K: Is your entire field of view blacked out?
Me: no, not yet.
Sylvester K: It is not a high risk.
Me: I've been staring at the sun for about an hour now.
Sylvester K: Okay
Me: do you have any solutions,  or do I need to stop staring at the sun?
Sylvester K: Thank you for calling.
*Sylvester K hangs up*

Dragonmaw

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« Reply #54 on: April 23, 2006, 09:30:08 PM »
I so have to get in on this.

Me: Hello?
Sylvester K: Welcome to 911, how may I help you?
Me: Well, I was masturbating to child pornography, and all of a sudden my dick started bleeding.
Sylvester K: Are you male?
Me: Yes
Sylvester K: Thank you for confirming your gender.
Sylvester K: I understand that your dick is bleeding heavily from masturbating to childpronography, and you have had no other problems like this, correct?
Me: Correct
Sylvester K: When did the issue first occur?
Me: When I last masturbated to child porn.
Me: Is my dick permanently damaged?
Sylvester K: Have you checked to see if you masturbating with razor wire?
Me: I don't own any razor wire.
Sylvester K: Let me know if you get any.
Me: I don't plan on buying any, ever.
Sylvester K: Okay
Me: Am I damaged for life?
Sylvester K: James, your dick is bleeding due to blood spilling from the cappilaries and veins.  This might be related to your masturbation.
Me: OK
Sylvester K: It is not a high risk.
Me: But my dick is bleeding.
Sylvester K: Okay
Me: How can I stop my dick from bleeding?  And can I get an ambulance?
Sylvester K: Thanks for being male

BoulderClock

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"The Adventures of Sylvester K" story thread
« Reply #55 on: March 24, 2009, 08:33:24 PM »
Followed by this thread.

Sinister Clock

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« Reply #56 on: March 25, 2009, 11:27:04 AM »
Boulder why you gots to be bumpin' ma dead threads you know they ain't gonna be breavin' no more.

BoulderClock

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« Reply #57 on: July 26, 2013, 06:27:36 AM »
boom remember this guys? guys?

BoulderClock

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« Reply #58 on: July 26, 2013, 06:33:03 AM »
Quote from: BitterClock;213879
Me: hello?
Sylvester K: Welcome to Lil magnum premium service line. My name is Sylvester K. How may I assist you today?
Me: Hi
Me: whenever i play my vibrator it  begins to make a loud buzzing noise
Me: so far its caused no problems in my performence but its a bit annoying
Me: is there anything i could do to solve this problem?
Sylvester K: Is the model number of the handheld electronic device with this issue SR1030NX ?
Me: yes
Sylvester K: Thank you for confirming the model number.
Sylvester K: I understand that the  handheld electronic device makes a loud buzzing sound only while using alot of energy. Otherwise this sound is not produced.
Sylvester K: Am I right?
Me: correct
Sylvester K: When the issue first occur?
Me: a few months ago
Me: what is wrong with it?
Sylvester K: Have you checked if there are any dirt accumulated on the handheld electronic device?
Me: i have sprayed it out with dust off
Sylvester K: And also let me know if the handheld electronic device  gets heated up and/or the handheld electronic device freezes while playing the "games".
Me: the tower heats up in the back but not in the front, and there is no freezing during "games"
Sylvester K: Okay
Me: is it fixable?
Sylvester K: Alec, the computer making a loud buzzing sound is due the high usage putting a lot of load on the processor and the motor will make the handheld electronic device's fan to run at a faster speed thus causing the sound.
Sylvester K: This dildo comes with an Integrated graphics chip.
Me: ... that doesn't make sense.
Me: i bought a different one a while back
Me: a more powerful one
Sylvester K: Okay
Me: is it a high risk to my current one?
Sylvester K: Is the new graphics card installed on this handheld device?
Me: erm.... there is no display.
Sylvester K: It is not a high risk if washed.
Me: it has been operating for almost a year now
Sylvester K: Okay
Me: any solution or do i need to deal with the sound?
Me: Also, the bzzing does not stop until i restart.
Sylvester K: Thank you for buying from us, we hope to make your dreams as big as your heart.

He ended with that and i was disconnected.

 

HAHAHAHAHA

BilliardBall10

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« Reply #59 on: July 31, 2013, 05:06:18 PM »
Quote from: BoulderClock;1956004
HAHAHAHAHA

 i have to remind you:
Quote from: Sinister Clock;1546390
Boulder why you gots to be bumpin' ma dead threads you know they ain't gonna be breavin' no more.

 boulder, you REALLY enjoy bumping into old threads, dont you?

k -i raise dragons. here we go -click HERE- i mean click the eggs -and the dragons, until they become  adults.