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[RobClock]

I made a new YouTube video this week
[u2]0KfatWTtLc4[/u2]

I kind of fucked up because when I cut in the intro and outro in Vegas, I put the intro on the timeline first so when I put the actual footage in after that, the whole thing adopted the video specs of the intro which I think had a different frame rate, so there’s a slight blurriness.

[PhantomCatClock]

Whenever I try fancy beers, I try it stone sober then try it again after throwing a couple back. It takes me three small cans or so before I get beer fans

Almost invariably it goes like this
• Part one: yeah, that's.. I drank it
• Part two: HELL yeah, THAT'S what it needed

this is why I don't review beers on youtube. I'm too excited for things and too easy to impress





maybe I should start because people need a little positivity




my favorite part of reviews, though, is listening to people saying "microbrewerHOLY SHIT CAN I SEND YOU SOMETHING AND GET A REVIEW did i just fall for the social media influencer trap

[Slurpee]

I like guinness it tastes like bread

most lagers taste like a crisp smooth refreshing shot of ice cold wintery piss. some of them are less pissy than others, some are closer to water, some are closer to orange juice. blue moon falls into the latter, great white the former. the standard dadbeers like coors and mgd taste like when you lick the little crevice between a guy's ballsack and and his thigh. (if you've ever done that. if you haven't all you need to know is that it tastes like mgd)
pbr tastes like water but like weird dirty water that they did a kind of good job of filtering at a settlement in the post-apocalyptic wasteland, it won't kill you but something is obviously not quite right, natty ice is disgusting and tastes like an ashtray. tecate's like a slightly less offensive version of that, sierra nevada and drake's are that except crossing the line over into good somehow?
negro modela and fat tire are like guinness but if guinness was trying to fight you a little bit

most craft beers/microbrews are either Beer: The Beer except with oatmeal or blueberries or something, or like you added slightly burned and low-sugar brownies to the way rubbing alcohol smells, OR chocolate-flavored wine (all wine tastes like rotten grape juice, don't @ me), or else just a nightmare of hops, a bitter, broiling fucking... bacterial culture, of hops, that goes down like sandpaper, the only point in its favor being that it stops burning after you swallow, and mostly gets by on having a dumb novelty name like "Barley and Me" or "Bigfoot Bathwater"

I saw a beer that was labeled an "imp stout" and was so fucking stoked to try an imp stout, like there was just a whole world of drinks out there named after whimsical fae creatures, like, Gnome Mead, or Troll Ale, or Pixie Wine, and I was going to get to try an Imp Stout which easily sounds like it would be the best of those four, and then I realized it was just an abbreviation for "imperial stout" and the disappointment I felt could have knocked the earth off its axis

[Slurpee]

here's a deleted scene from that post that was cut for time:

recently I've been getting acid reflux the morning after drinks and the internet says it's probably an alcohol allergy, but my friend Keith talked me into experimentally just doing shots one time and sure enough it was just beer that did it to me, probably a hop allergy, and listen, I'm queer, I'm a fancy lad, I like a tom collins or a mojito or a mimosa from time to time, when I'm feeling sassy, okay, I can stand contrapposto and dress good and dance and smell amazing when that's the me I want to be, but beer is my best gal, my rock, my hors d'oeuvres table at a party I don't want to be at. beer tastes like coming home after finishing up an overtime shift at the bullshit factory, it tastes like you earned it, it's crisp and cold and a little sour and it says "hey, y'know, you're doing alright. you're at the end of a long day, and tomorrow's another one, but right now you can unwind. it's all good." so I still drink beer and just hope it's not too bad in the morning, fuck it. I can deal with a little burning sensation in my tummy. I'm an adult, I can make that decision for myself. it's not like it happens every time. it's not like I have many vices. it's not like I drink all that often. I've never had a hangover and I don't seem to have inherited the addictive personality trait that runs on both sides of my family and for that I count my blessings

[RobClock]

It was pretty much exactly ‘Beer: The Beer’ as you said, which is probably the best outcome of a microbrewery novelty beer I was just hoping for a hint of a coffee flavour, which is why I said it was perfectly average and somewhat disappointing. I’m no authority on beer by any measure, I tend to drink rum more than anything else, which is why I was hesitant to upload that video.

I’m not sure if that was really directed at me but yeah If you want to send me shit, I’ll make a video about it. Worst case scenario, it turns out like that one.

[PhantomCatClock]

I’m not sure if that was really directed at me but yeah If you want to send me shit, I’ll make a video about it. Worst case scenario, it turns out like that one.

Oh yes, I meant I like listening to people say "microbrewery" but got distracted by the important thought about getting a custom engraved cereal review

[VCRClock]

if you get tinder plus you can swipe through all of Bismarck, ND and Pierre, SD in less than five minutes

[FLOUNDERMAN_CLOCK]

I actually have a line of microbrews. I piss in half drunk storebrand beer out of dumpsters and relabel it as "Uncle Flounderman's Old Tyme Amber Ale". You'll go blind and die after half a bottle.

FLOUNDERMAN

https://lifehacker.com/amazon-prime-members-can-get-12-months-of-nintendo-swit-1833692949

I don't use amazon enough to justify buying prime. comment section says I gotta get a twitch prime account too. I definitely can't justify that. paying money to watch other people play video games sounds like a surreal kind of hell.  I do miss smash online though. laggy or not.

[PhantomCatClock]

I did not read, but I can assure you those commenters are retards. You need a twitch account. If you have amazon prime, it becomes a twitch prime account. BUT OH. Nevermind, then.

[RenegadeClock]

If you're gonna review beers you should really pour them in a glass instead of drinking from a can. Allow a bit of head to form when you pour it to get the aromatics out.  Anyway, my microbrew recommendation at the moment is Sunriver Cocoa Cow Chocolate Milk Stout. Good luck finding that.

[PhantomCatClock]

the only microbrews i'd recommend were so micro they only made one glass so don't bother you can't get any

[GreyClock]

Yeah, "the novelty" of it is basically what it boils down to in re most craft beers. I've been to a lot of bars and tried a lot of beers and my (very hit-and-miss) theory is: the cooler the name, the shittier the taste. Like it's (sorta) cool (I guess?) to shout "Get me a Raging Bitch!" at a waiter and then there's the Hunter S. Thompson quotes and Steadman art and whatever and you're like yeah but it's bitter and kind of unpleasant (which in this particular case suits the whole gimmick and I actually like the beer in a masochistic way, bad example). Anyway you're better off ordering any random Belgian Trappist or German Weizen. (As to the availability of those in your local establishment or convenience store I dunno?) Like you read a menu at some bar and it says "Maisel's Weisse" and you're like "Why should I care about your boring beer Bon Jovi?" and then you order it anyway and after one sip you know that Maisel is in fact the name of the god of beer brewing.

That said, my palate is gutter-tier and I have no problem putting away cans of the cheapest Beer: The Beer dog shit at home.

[GreyClock]

In fact I'm gonna get on that right now.

[GreyClock]

Beer: The Beer Metallic Taste Edition at two euro fifty a sixer.

[RobClock]

If you're gonna review beers you should really pour them in a glass instead of drinking from a can. Allow a bit of head to form when you pour it to get the aromatics out.

yeah it was fairly off the cuff and i realized that just about half a second after i took the first sip but didnt want to verbally acknowledge it for sake of looking like i hadnt considered it previously or run and get a pint glass because then i would have had to do video editing which i ended up doing anyways but listen man anything i do is amateur hour garbage and i will never deny that

Oh yes, I meant I like listening to people say "microbrewery" but got distracted by the important thought about getting a custom engraved cereal review

The Disney Princess cereal I did a video on was sent to me by a friend from North Carolina. Send it my way and I will gladly record myself eating it and post it on the internet like the cheap whore i am.

[RobClock]

Gonna go see SHAZAM tonight. Been looking forward to it for ages and the word of mouth has been very positive so I’m excited.

[PhantomCatClock]

I want a device that's like a cassette player but instead of moving a tiny tape from one reel to the next at a respectable speed, it moves an entire roll of toilet paper as fast as possible


i want this device and i want to squat on it and wipe my ass with an entire roll of tp in like two seconds after all this god damned ass mustard i've produced from walking around all goddamned day in two shirts and black pants



the hell was I thinking

[RobClock]

I admire the imagery but that sounds like an express ticket to rug burn town

[RobClock]

It’s 8:45 and I’m here for the 9:30 showing of Shazam, and I’m the only one waiting in the queue outside the theatre. It would be slightly less embarrassing if I wasn’t also standing in front of the poster for DUMBO but I feel like the universe is just rubbing it in.

[PhantomCatClock]

sha's ham