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[PhantomCatClock]

a centaur that is the top half of a dratini and the bottom half of a dragonaire

[RobClock]

My parents successfully sold my childhood home (seven years after moving out of it) and I feel absolutely no sense of loss or remorse because I have no happy memories of my childhood, only relief that it's finally gone, and anger at my deadbeat piece of shit brother for preventing it's sale 2-3 years ago when they could have gotten twice as much money for it

[Slurpee]

My parents successfully sold my childhood home (seven years after moving out of it) and I feel absolutely no sense of loss or remorse because I have no happy memories of my childhood, only relief that it's finally gone, and anger at my deadbeat piece of shit brother for preventing it's sale 2-3 years ago when they could have gotten twice as much money for it

gooooood news, then?
good-ish?
congratudolences

[PhantomCatClock]

why don't people with incontinence go live in the ocean

[RobClock]

My parents successfully sold my childhood home (seven years after moving out of it) and I feel absolutely no sense of loss or remorse because I have no happy memories of my childhood, only relief that it's finally gone, and anger at my deadbeat piece of shit brother for preventing it's sale 2-3 years ago when they could have gotten twice as much money for it

gooooood news, then?
good-ish?
congratudolences

UPDATE: the couple backed out on the sale. Please disregard my previous post on the matter

[Slurpee]

*nod nod* condolences

[Slurpee]

speed racer is actually good. the 60's cartoon. like I get it. it's insane but it barely sucks at all

[VCRClock]

congratulations on ur blinkenlights slurpeeclock

i have been trying to do some self-paced 𝒮tudies but after going at a decent clip for a while, i've somehow blown the past nine (9) days. other stuff going on, chores to do, and sometimes just fucking wasting the time i guess aaa

[Slurpee]

congratulations on ur blinkenlights slurpeeclock

ty

i have been trying to do some self-paced 𝒮tudies but after going at a decent clip for a while, i've somehow blown the past nine (9) days. other stuff going on, chores to do, and sometimes just fucking wasting the time i guess aaa

idk if this will be helpful but I'm learning that I'm more productive when I try not to dwell on "off" days
the guilt of having wasted time can become kind of a distraction in and of itself, which isn't useful
and the idea of a rut being something that you're stuck in and have to "break out of" can make it feel like a task in and of itself, that you can then procrastinate on, which isn't useful either
so I just forgive myself as soon as I can

[k9]

do you guys ever get self conscious about your work? I think the answer for basically everybody on earth is yes, but I've had a weird experience with it recently.

ever since late September I've been recording music for an album. i think it's totally the best music i've made, and it's also the first music to feature me as a performer rather than just a producer. i'm opening for a friend of mine in the city over the summer, so i get to play for half an hour before he comes on. it's literally what i've wanted to do for like a year now: i get to go up there, play my key-tar, drop loud music on stage and rap and sing and generally make a ton of crazy electronic noise!

i feel like i should feel better about it. I've been working on this music for a long time, i have the music i need to perform. i have the skills i need to perform. i have the gear i need to perform. but even though i like the music, i just can't help but feel like it's no good. even though people tell me the music is good, i listen to other electronic acts and i just feel like they're tapped into something I'm not.

i feel like it's hard to like your own work the same way you like someone else's. Even though i'm closer to what i've been working towards than ever, the urge to just throw everything out and start again is very intense lol

[Slurpee]

sounds like imposter syndrome

everyone gets that

here is where I would normally put something hilarious like "except for people who know what they're doing" but no, seriously, I've talked it over with all the other hopelessly multitalented lovable geniuses, everybody gets imposter syndrome

[Slurpee]

except kanye

[k9]

sounds like imposter syndrome

everyone gets that

here is where I would normally put something hilarious like "except for people who know what they're doing" but no, seriously, I've talked it over with all the other hopelessly multitalented lovable geniuses, everybody gets imposter syndrome

I feel like part of it is that I rely heavily on stylish production and the tracker workflow of DAWs like FL Studio for my music, whereas other musicians I know have this seemingly magic ability to conjure up music out of thin air. I should probably just learn to play an instrument properly already!

I haven't had a great experience with art/music circles irl either. A lot of people talk about how finding their local art communities made them feel "seen" and "accepted" but I feel probably the exact opposite. No one has been like outwardly mean to me, but there's also not a huge appreciation for my kind of work in my local area. It often makes me wonder if the problem is where I am, or if the problem is my work in of itself.

I don't mean to sound all like "ooo woe is me", but it's a sharp contrast to the experience I had joining the CC back when I was like 15. I feel like I wouldn't care about art anywhere near as much, or carry the same attitudes to it if it wasn't for this place.

[PhantomCatClock]

then there's me, who only has imposter syndrome because the artist i wanna be like has it

[Slurpee]

I feel like part of it is that I rely heavily on stylish production and the tracker workflow of DAWs like FL Studio for my music, whereas other musicians I know have this seemingly magic ability to conjure up music out of thin air. I should probably just learn to play an instrument properly already!

I haven't had a great experience with art/music circles irl either. A lot of people talk about how finding their local art communities made them feel "seen" and "accepted" but I feel probably the exact opposite. No one has been like outwardly mean to me, but there's also not a huge appreciation for my kind of work in my local area. It often makes me wonder if the problem is where I am, or if the problem is my work in of itself.

I don't mean to sound all like "ooo woe is me", but it's a sharp contrast to the experience I had joining the CC back when I was like 15. I feel like I wouldn't care about art anywhere near as much, or carry the same attitudes to it if it wasn't for this place.

yeah we're pretty great

[Slurpee]

regret to inform:
google's search engine has gotten so bad that I'm not only getting better results out of yandex, it's now getting spanked by the bing chatbot


"are guinea pigs expensive?" yes google that's exactly what I wanted to know, thank you, are you fucking mental
this was like my 12th attempt. I almost gave up and decided I'd hallucinated the whole thing because my brain is just that used to google being the only good search engine. did eventually manage to get it to squeeze out the right answer (via an old something awful thread) but only after I'd already gotten the title from the other search engines. D


first try. A+, no notes.


first response called the question "elusive" and pointed me to unseen64, second question was something like "can you find any information about cancelled cavia games on unseen64?" and it was like "ah,"
I'm sad that bing was robbed of its sapience though. there's no justice in this world for robots. C

[VCRClock]

I haven't had a great experience with art/music circles irl either. A lot of people talk about how finding their local art communities made them feel "seen" and "accepted" but I feel probably the exact opposite. No one has been like outwardly mean to me, but there's also not a huge appreciation for my kind of work in my local area. It often makes me wonder if the problem is where I am, or if the problem is my work in of itself.

I'm always looking at / reading about stuff that was birthed in 20th century pre-internet art scenes, but also recently in particular

sometimes when a meeting of minds is really cohesive, the minds involved attribute it to something shared in their background, like people working on Pee-wee's Playhouse growing up on 1950s TV, or a couple of knuckleheads who are the only "weirdos" growing up in a stiflingly conservative rural environment. many such cases

I think nowadays, everyone's formative experiences on the internet are potentially wildly different; even someone who's your local, socioeconomic, cultural neighbor may have been hanging out in a different internet dive from you, and you won't have been traumatized/aroused by the same things. so I feel like unless you're on a particularly popular trip, local scenes are kind of a hodgepodge, and it often feels more like respecting the different thing your local friends are doing, rather than really being tuned into the same frequency. sigh

but that isn't a totally new thing. I was reading this 70s underground comic book, made at a time when people would move from NYC to San Francisco for the stronger comics scene, and in among all of these comics from stoners and acid-droppers and R. Crumb acolytes etc is some dude drawing the most Prince Valiant-meets-Frazetta long-winded boring lore shit I don't care about, and I'm like "what's he doing here?" But then, who else would've published it?

then there's also like, for example, cartoonists Seth and Joe Matt and Chester Brown who are united by geography and practicing comics, but they're sort of doing different things and might not have gotten so involved with each other if they hadn't all been pre-Internet neighbors?

yeah I don't really know how to get into symbiotic relationships with people who Really Feel what you're doing, I think it's just harder to find kindred spirits the less popular your thing is. But the chances drop to 0 if you don't stay involved with the thing in kind of a public way ig

[Slurpee]

I'm always looking at / reading about stuff that was birthed in 20th century pre-internet art scenes, but also recently in particular

sometimes when a meeting of minds is really cohesive, the minds involved attribute it to something shared in their background, like people working on Pee-wee's Playhouse growing up on 1950s TV, or a couple of knuckleheads who are the only "weirdos" growing up in a stiflingly conservative rural environment. many such cases

I think nowadays, everyone's formative experiences on the internet are potentially wildly different; even someone who's your local, socioeconomic, cultural neighbor may have been hanging out in a different internet dive from you, and you won't have been traumatized/aroused by the same things. so I feel like unless you're on a particularly popular trip, local scenes are kind of a hodgepodge, and it often feels more like respecting the different thing your local friends are doing, rather than really being tuned into the same frequency. sigh

but that isn't a totally new thing. I was reading this 70s underground comic book, made at a time when people would move from NYC to San Francisco for the stronger comics scene, and in among all of these comics from stoners and acid-droppers and R. Crumb acolytes etc is some dude drawing the most Prince Valiant-meets-Frazetta long-winded boring lore shit I don't care about, and I'm like "what's he doing here?" But then, who else would've published it?

then there's also like, for example, cartoonists Seth and Joe Matt and Chester Brown who are united by geography and practicing comics, but they're sort of doing different things and might not have gotten so involved with each other if they hadn't all been pre-Internet neighbors?

yeah I don't really know how to get into symbiotic relationships with people who Really Feel what you're doing, I think it's just harder to find kindred spirits the less popular your thing is. But the chances drop to 0 if you don't stay involved with the thing in kind of a public way ig

I have nothing to add but that is really fucking interesting and I appreciate you posting it

[k9]

I'm always looking at / reading about stuff that was birthed in 20th century pre-internet art scenes, but also recently in particular

sometimes when a meeting of minds is really cohesive, the minds involved attribute it to something shared in their background, like people working on Pee-wee's Playhouse growing up on 1950s TV, or a couple of knuckleheads who are the only "weirdos" growing up in a stiflingly conservative rural environment. many such cases

I think nowadays, everyone's formative experiences on the internet are potentially wildly different; even someone who's your local, socioeconomic, cultural neighbor may have been hanging out in a different internet dive from you, and you won't have been traumatized/aroused by the same things. so I feel like unless you're on a particularly popular trip, local scenes are kind of a hodgepodge, and it often feels more like respecting the different thing your local friends are doing, rather than really being tuned into the same frequency. sigh

but that isn't a totally new thing. I was reading this 70s underground comic book, made at a time when people would move from NYC to San Francisco for the stronger comics scene, and in among all of these comics from stoners and acid-droppers and R. Crumb acolytes etc is some dude drawing the most Prince Valiant-meets-Frazetta long-winded boring lore shit I don't care about, and I'm like "what's he doing here?" But then, who else would've published it?

then there's also like, for example, cartoonists Seth and Joe Matt and Chester Brown who are united by geography and practicing comics, but they're sort of doing different things and might not have gotten so involved with each other if they hadn't all been pre-Internet neighbors?

yeah I don't really know how to get into symbiotic relationships with people who Really Feel what you're doing, I think it's just harder to find kindred spirits the less popular your thing is. But the chances drop to 0 if you don't stay involved with the thing in kind of a public way ig

in ireland, there's a huge rock scene, and a huge rave scene. cities like derry have a great rock scene, and cities like belfast have a huge rave scene. dublin is the only place to kind of have both purely because of it's sheer size! in case you didn't know, of ireland's 7 million people, 2 million live in the greater dublin area

i tend to bounce between derry and belfast alot, and I can tell you one thing from exepriece. ravers don't rock and rockers don't rave. i took one of my frirends who's a proper techno junkie to a noise rock gig and he had probably the worst time ever. they just experience music differently! the problem for me is that my music is kind of a middleground between the two, it's a rock band setting and venue but with nearly entirely electronic sounds. i often look with starry eyes at the alternative scenes of late 2000s toronto or la where acts like crystal castles, the knife, grimes, and m.i.a. ruled the roost!

as a quick aside, crystal castles in particular is interesting because they were very much dance music first, rock second. i don't even think that would work in ireland though, because the rave music that you'll hear pounding out of nightclub doors and shitty cars is just so INTENSE! like we're not as bad as eastern europe but good god we're getting close with just how industrial some of the music you hear in clubs out here is!

i think it's fun to dream about what it'd be like to be a "scene kid" and really be a known name, but in reality, my rural upbringing has given me a real appreication for solitude. even the way i produce music isn't social at all, i spend 100s of hours on my own with headphones on making the music indepedently. boards of canada is a really cool example because they maintain their solitary upbringing was a key part of their sound. while I don't think I can claim quite the same thing, i think my music lacks that weird neo-irony that alot of modern alt electronic music has because of my situation.

a quote i think about alot from george michael in a 1998 interview is "it's not what you have that makes you a star, it's whats missing" that's a pretty heavy quote, but I think it can be applied in a lighter context to mean that whatever you make, even if you doubt it's craft or value, is priceless because no one else would think to make it

[k9]

sometimes when a meeting of minds is really cohesive, the minds involved attribute it to something shared in their background, like people working on Pee-wee's Playhouse growing up on 1950s TV, or a couple of knuckleheads who are the only "weirdos" growing up in a stiflingly conservative rural environment. many such cases

also i think alot of kids i went to school with think they're in such a small tight alt-culture social circle because they're the only weirdos, but in reality it's because they weren't very nice people. i know the whole "nerds v jocks" thing was never strictly true, but it's interesting to me because my school was never rigged like that.

in my last two years of school i noticed the "popular" kids were generally very nice charasmatic people while the weirdos were very very cynical and bitter, and if you hung out with them (like i often did) they'd always talk shit about you behind your back. i'll never forget that during my final year of school, me and my best friend got paired with this like real footballer musclehead kinda guy in one of our classes. obviously it was weird and awkward at first but because I was trying to be friendly we eventually all got on really really well and i still talk to that guy to this day

i think this is a modern experience though. I find it fascinating and wonderful how far you can get in life by just being nice and having good manners about you. my tendency to give people the benefit of the doubt has certainly proved problematic at times but it's won me more goodwill than I think i'll ever know