Clock Crew

im not sure which fucking idiot moved the bidecadial how do you wipe ur butt thread into the spam forum and then (probably another idiot) gassed it?? but thank god miraclefruit is here am i right

now lets get back to business

for those of you perplexed by the process of remaining seated and wiping your butt, our friends at howtowipeyourbutt.com have put together a few detailed pictograms for you to use as guidelines

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(https://clockcrew.net/talk/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fhowtowipeyourbutt.com%2F4-2.jpg&hash=71878c5db5212c5a31df9e924d519cb28423af99)

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(https://clockcrew.net/talk/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fhowtowipeyourbutt.com%2F3-2.jpg&hash=6c158f632aecc9b0b32ca61795345ef467bf202b)

(https://clockcrew.net/talk/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fhowtowipeyourbutt.com%2F7-1.jpg&hash=4049b7ef9b4c501af7f526d7b3446b0f712e3503)

(https://clockcrew.net/talk/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fhowtowipeyourbutt.com%2F7-2.jpg&hash=dafbdf4a57f6a0e5edb5c4577b0b90af60d5becc)

ps. if you own a bidet you dont wipe and if you dont wipe butt youre not a clock

standing up wtf?

I do it standing up with my bidet.

Where the hell is the option for doing both?

Quote from: Thor;1902301Where the hell is the option for doing both?

why would you do both

Quote from: MiracleFruitClock;1902302why would you do both

First I do sitting down and then I do standing up. That way I get maximum cleaning potential.

Isison taught me this hidden technique long ago

isision what the fuck

I'm with Thor, sit down then stand up and wipe, then spit on the toilet paper and clean it again, then blow dry.

or just shower.

That just seems so cumbersome, what's the point of remaining sitting if you're just gonna squat up for it anyway? It's not like you're not going to stand up afterwards to go wash your hands.

Quote from: clammo;1902397standing up is wrong and you reduce target area to wipe, meaning more leftovers.

This is if you stand up straight to wipe, clenching your butt and everything, no, you want to stand up and then bend over and reach back there, that's what I do now!

Well, it's also wiping with inefficiency if you do it standing up, you can't reach in there well enough. Sitting on the pot and bending forward to wipe doesn't feel complete enough, I just need to do it the way I do it to feel properly un-poopy, I don't know.

You know people like to mix up my words and make them sound so stupid that I can't do anything about it, so I'll just NO NO I WONT DO THAAAT
fuck you clam your a dick i dont even get this fucking humor its so mean, everyone is mean to me today, fuck you
but not fuck you becuase thats just circulating the problem
OOOH but i bet you'll come up with a way to say NOO THATS NOT TRUE
well fine maybes it not, I don'

No clam actually your super right I have no idea how to do anything, no matter how I do it, that's absolutely true and completely foundational of my being and hsiiiiit uuugh wow im dont know i guess i'll poist this

^^^
I feel like that was a terrible way to react to that, and I should have been much cooler about it, and I probably should have just repelled you with some witty snide comment thing but I don't know any of those. I feel like, in that sense, the CC is just over my head, and it's like


Okay it's like the CLock Crew was a house built by a very particular person, and then some of those people moved out and it was filled in with me and I don't get it.


OR maybe the clock crew is like Rock n roll, you know, I love the CC, but I don't know if its why everyone else does, and I have my own wants and needs and reasons for it.


I really don't kniow.

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yeah and I fucking agree thats the sad part

fucking miraclefruit, when the fuck did you start being mr.whatever
No see I don't even know wha tI'm talking about
BUT I HAVE TO DEFEND MYSELF, what else am I gonna do
duuuur yeah tthats true
no I gotta say SOMETHING, but I mean damn
its like, I don't know, I'm not thick skinned
like that just now, Miraclefruit, straight up, my feelings got hurt, but its over the internet
you don't even KNOW ME
and yet here i am, feeling like I've been put down, and that is how it is day after day after day after, on the internet and off, it's just being put in my place by people, and it's frustrating, and people don't listen to me about anything

I need to start typing this better. Its just, MiracleFruit, I thought that was mean. Does anyone feel that way, ever? Offended by a fucking person on a forum they don't now?
 That's just one thing I want to know, does anyone feel like people places and things are frustrating whenever they put down anything else that isn't directly hurting someone, and an eventual need to enter the fray of putting things down, because that's just the way of the jungle, but knowing your no good for a fight? FUUUUUCk im done talking about this, BUT I  WAAANT An answer so I can't stop, not saying that I want an answer from you, oh yes you, c'mon im gonna get it out of you, but just out of something, so thats why I cant stop typing bceaus ei dont got a blog and i want peiople to just look at these words, its therapeutic right now, quite thearaputic, so thanks for dealing clock crew, blaaaaaaaaaaa

Yeah, I go with the three wipe rule. If it isn't clean after three wipes, I gotta stand up to get the rest.

Quote from: AMPEEEM;1902579blaaaaaaaaaaa

Try not to get too worked up about it. At least you never attempted to rationalize jerking off to cartoons with Christianity. Boy, I never lived that one down.

Quote from: AMPEEEM;1902577fucking miraclefruit, when the fuck did you start being mr.whatever
No see I don't even know wha tI'm talking about
BUT I HAVE TO DEFEND MYSELF, what else am I gonna do
duuuur yeah tthats true
no I gotta say SOMETHING, but I mean damn
its like, I don't know, I'm not thick skinned
like that just now, Miraclefruit, straight up, my feelings got hurt, but its over the internet
you don't even KNOW ME
and yet here i am, feeling like I've been put down, and that is how it is day after day after day after, on the internet and off, it's just being put in my place by people, and it's frustrating, and people don't listen to me about anything

so i pretty much wipe my ass while sitting down, though there is that lean over stage i gotta say though that the whole fold up thing is wrong i go in with an open hand of toilet paper mostly because my shit is really watery and it gets all over my ass in really unpredictable ways so having a large wipe space is nice.

i used to stand

sitting to standing.  transitional shit style, if you will.

Gotta stand and bend over a bit, left hand spread cheek, wipe with right, fold and repeat. Optimal cleaning.

Quote from: AMPEEEM;1902577fucking miraclefruit, when the fuck did you start being mr.whatever
No see I don't even know wha tI'm talking about
BUT I HAVE TO DEFEND MYSELF, what else am I gonna do
duuuur yeah tthats true
no I gotta say SOMETHING, but I mean damn
its like, I don't know, I'm not thick skinned
like that just now, Miraclefruit, straight up, my feelings got hurt, but its over the internet
you don't even KNOW ME
and yet here i am, feeling like I've been put down, and that is how it is day after day after day after, on the internet and off, it's just being put in my place by people, and it's frustrating, and people don't listen to me about anything

Quote from: AMPEEEM;1902579I need to start typing this better. Its just, MiracleFruit, I thought that was mean. Does anyone feel that way, ever? Offended by a fucking person on a forum they don't now?
 That's just one thing I want to know, does anyone feel like people places and things are frustrating whenever they put down anything else that isn't directly hurting someone, and an eventual need to enter the fray of putting things down, because that's just the way of the jungle, but knowing your no good for a fight? FUUUUUCk im done talking about this, BUT I  WAAANT An answer so I can't stop, not saying that I want an answer from you, oh yes you, c'mon im gonna get it out of you, but just out of something, so thats why I cant stop typing bceaus ei dont got a blog and i want peiople to just look at these words, its therapeutic right now, quite thearaputic, so thanks for dealing clock crew, blaaaaaaaaaaa

holy crap

ive tried standing and my butt cheeks just like clinch up and then the poop ends up smearing all over them so i remain a sitter to this day

do u guys ever get flawless victories
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=flawless%20victory

Quote from: Slurpee;1942527do u guys ever get flawless victories
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=flawless%20victory

i actually threw a party ove that once. no joke. the turn out was fantastic.

Quote from: Slurpee;1942527do u guys ever get flawless victories
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=flawless%20victory

Indeed.

Quote from: Slurpee;1942527do u guys ever get flawless victories
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=flawless%20victory

In my circle this is known as a 'ghost shit'.

It is awesome.

im a man.

so i stand

I had a flawless victory the other day. felt good man

Standing

this is goldmine material ive literally almost shit myself from the posts which is ironic

i prefer to handstand with my face in the bowl so u get a nice clean face aswell m8

I voted sitting before I even read the original post because sitting is always better than standing.

In a public restroom I sit, because I don't want the guy in the stall next to mine think I'm trying to look at his dick, also, he could show me his balls aas he leans over and that would be, "3 kicks."

At home I mostly stand.

Another question to ask, for those who sit, how many bring the toiler paper past their sac? That seems unsanitary.

Quote from: Craisin;1953221In a public restroom I sit, because I don't want the guy in the stall next to mine think I'm trying to look at his dick, also, he could show me his balls aas he leans over and that would be, "3 kicks."

At home I mostly stand.

Another question to ask, for those who sit, how many bring the toiler paper past their sac? That seems unsanitary.

You've just opened up a whole new can of worms: back-to-front, front-to-back, or both? Personally, I used to be a strictly front-to-back man. Now, though, I'm fat and hairy, and my technique has evolved to suit my new form. I go front-to-back initially, until things are feeling pretty good, then I lift my balls and do a bit of back-to-front. You could eat off of my asshole when I'm done.

This question is 2stupid4me

Quote from: AlbinoClock;1953244I used to be a strictly front-to-back man. Now, though, I'm fat and hairy, and my technique has evolved to suit my new form. I go front-to-back initially, until things are feeling pretty good, then I lift my balls and do a bit of back-to-front.

This is truly the only way to wipe. Dingleberries on the scrotum are never acceptable.


Pez, get out then.

I never get dingleberries get rekt nerds

masterwiper here

Quote from: Thor;1902306First I do sitting down and then I do standing up. That way I get maximum cleaning potential.

Isison taught me this hidden technique long ago

I do this too, after particularly messy shits.

This is a poll somewhat about butts and there was no butt option

Sometimes I actually wipe too much, and you get a little blood.

Also; at work, we have one ply don't even get me started about poking a whole through the TP then fingering your own B-Hole.

Quote from: Craisin;1953292Sometimes I actually wipe too much, and you get a little blood.

Also; at work, we have one ply don't even get me started about poking a whole through the TP then fingering your own B-Hole.

ever gone to the second knuckle?

baby wipes are often available in my household and once youve tried that, theres really no going back.

Tabasco enemas are often available in my household and once youve tried that, theres really no going back.

just hop your poopy butt up onto the bathroom sink and run some water. diddle your b-hole with your fingers+repeat until they can pass a smell check. toilet jam solved

sitting with own cock in mouth as close as possible

when i was like 8 i used to captain morgan on the toilet seat and wipe obviously not standing up or smiling but it got the job done.

Quote from: MSPaintClock;1953676sitting with own cock in mouth as close as possible

well done fellla

Quote from: MSPaintClock;1953676sitting with own cock in mouth as close as possible

dare i ask how that even works...

hes got a bigger dick than you thats how it works

Quote from: MiracleFruitClock;1957701hes got a bigger dick than you thats how it works

or his spine is made out of rubber.

:teach: abnormally flexible intervertebral fibrocartilage

I used to be able to do that when I was younger and more flexible. It was pretty difficult and impractical, though.