What's that? A bird? A plane? No wait, it's the hope in society falling!
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/2000899/Man-admits-%27having-sex%27-with-1,000-cars.html
Edward Smith, who lives with his current "girlfriend" â€" a white Volkswagen Beetle named Vanilla, insisted that he was not "sick" and had no desire to change his ways.
"I appreciate beauty and I go a little bit beyond appreciating the beauty of a car only to the point of what I feel is an expression of love," he said.
"Maybe I'm a little bit off the wall but when I see movies like Herbie and Knight Rider, where cars become loveable, huggable characters it's just wonderful.
"I'm a romantic. I write poetry about cars, I sing to them and talk to them just like a girlfriend. I know what's in my heart and I have no desire to change."
He added: "I'm not sick and I don't want to hurt anyone, cars are just my preference."
Mr Smith, 57, first had sex with a car at the age of 15, and claims he has never been attracted to women or men.
But his wandering eye has spread beyond cars to other vehicles. He says that his most intense sexual experience was "making love" to the helicopter from 1980s TV hit Airwolf.
As well as Vanilla, he regularly spends time with his other vehicles â€" a 1973 Opal GT, named Cinnamon, and 1993 Ford Ranger Splash, named Ginger.
Before Vanilla, he had a five-year relationship with Victoria, a 1969 VW Beetle he bought from a family of Jehovah's Witnesses.
But he confesses that many of the cars he has had sex with have belonged to strangers or car showrooms.
His last relationship with a woman was 12 years ago - and he could not bring himself to consummate it, although he did have sex with girls in his younger days.
Mr Smith, from Washington state in the US, kept quiet about his secret fetish for years, but agreed to be interviewed as part of a channel Five documentary into “mechaphiliaâ€. He is shown meeting other enthusiasts at a rally in California
Talking about how his unusual passion developed, Mr Smith said: "It's something that grew as a part of me when I was a kid and I could not shake it.
"I just loved cute cars right from the beginning, but over the years it got stronger once I got into my teenage years and was my first having sexual urges.
"When I turned 13 and the famous Corvette Stingray came about, that car was pure sex and just an incredible machine. I wanted it.
"I didn't fully understand it myself except that I know I'm not hurting anyone and I do not intend to."
He added: "There are moments way out in the middle of nowhere when I see a little car parked and I swear it needs loving.
"There have been certain cars that attracted me and I would wait until night time, creep up to them and just hug and kiss them.
"As far as women go, they never really interested me much. And I'm not ***.â€
Mr Smith is now part of a global community of more than 500 “car lovers†brought together by internet forums.
Jesus fucking christ.
He's a dragon.
Quote from: Kombucha;1321764He's a dragon.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!
THIS IS NOW A THREAD ABOUT DRAGONS FUCKING CARS!
Quote from: Teapot;1321759"There have been certain cars that attracted me and I would wait until night time, creep up to them and just hug and kiss them."
haha that's adorable
So how do you do it, exactly?
Quote from: BlackberryClock;1321778So how do you do it, exactly?
yeah
Probably fucking the exhaust pipes?
Quote from: BlackberryClock;1321778So how do you do it, exactly?
Exhaust pipe?
Quote from: PatriotClock;1321789Exhaust pipe?
Ha ha, beat you to it.
HIS PARTNERS NEVER TIRE OUT
or
A ROMANTIC NIGHT AT THE DRIVE-IN
or
HIT THE ROAD, JACK
or
Wow. I mean, I've been inside a car before, but not in the way he has.
why is gay cencored?
Quote from: Niko Bellic;1321870why is gay cencored?
because gays are not people
I think R. Kelly wrote a song about this.
ps motherfucker violated Airwolf, I'm putting a bullet in his fucking head brb
As well as Vanilla, he regularly spends time with his other vehicles – a 1973 Opal GT, named Cinnamon, and 1993 Ford Ranger Splash, named Ginger.
PEDOFILE ALERT!
'dawwww
Oh dear lord. With that beastality forum thread a week ago, I wonder just how many types of this are out there.
Quote from: Niko Bellic;1321884As well as Vanilla, he regularly spends time with his other vehicles â€" a 1973 Opal GT, named Cinnamon, and 1993 Ford Ranger Splash, named Ginger.
PEDOFILE ALERT!
"Sir would you please step out of the vehicle. That's a pretty young car you're driving sir, mind showing some ID."
Quote from: Teapot;1321759Mr Smith is now part of a global community of more than 500 “car lovers” brought together by internet forums.
Haha there's more of them, imagine joining that group thinkng it was just people who enjoyed driving cars.
Edit: I've heard or riding cars, but not in this way.
well...
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
''fuck you, and your car!''
''no, i will fuck her later.''
''what?''
''thats correct.''
Btw are all cars female? If not how do you tell?
A global community of 500 people.
There are more otakukin than there are car fuckers.
Quote from: SLARPEECLOAK SLURPICLOOK;1321916A global community of 500 people.
There are more otakukin than there are car fuckers.
damn you made me google that and now i lost my newly regained hope for mankind
love cars
He must be pretty well endowed to fuck a exhaust pipe, also how can you break up with a car?
QuoteBefore Vanilla, he had a five-year relationship with Victoria, a 1969 VW Beetle he bought from a family of Jehovah's Witnesses.
oh god, i always knew the Jehovah's were whores.
I read an article once. Apparently, you use a beer can holder or something, you know those squishy tubes? Then you cut it to the perimeter of your enlarged member and slip it in the exhaust or some shit. Then you basically just fuck it. You can take off the hand brake so it rocks with your motion too. The article was like 4 pages fuck.
Quote from: MilkshakeClock;1321962oh god, i always knew the Jehovah's were whores.
I think they would be pimps in that instance actually
or whatever you call those guys that kidnap people and sell them as sex slaves
Quote from: SLARPEECLOAK SLURPICLOOK;1321965or whatever you call those guys that kidnap people and sell them as sex slaves
but the ones that come to my door are always so damn ugly.
(https://clockcrew.net/talk/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.businessweek.com%2Fthe_thread%2Fbrandnewday%2Farchives%2Fhummer-h2-sut.jpg&hash=f3e02d046a104b2e54cd3792df47d3d4e71298f3)
No fat chicks.
hahahahah
hahhahah
Quote from: fuck me? fuck you.;1321915Btw are all cars female? If not how do you tell?
automatics are females cos they don't have a nob
At first I thought "That's suck!" but then I realized that there are worse things you can fuck and at least it's victimless sex unless it were KITT from Knight Rider.
Quote from: CeleriacClock;1321904Haha there's more of them, imagine joining that group thinkng it was just people who enjoyed driving cars.
I think I might just go there to troll people.
Quote from: PatriotClock;1321789Exhaust pipe?
Only after a thorough enema.
I'm not surprised.
He's got good taste in cars. He's cool in my book.
Quote from: unknownclock?;1322197He's got good taste in cars.
This
Quote from: Kombucha;1321764He's a dragon.
Oh God this is giving me some memories
Quote from: Monodi;1322283Oh God this is giving me some memories
I found his signature video more shocking, actually.
I was thinking that he'd cut a hole in a seat or something.
fleshlight in the tailpipe.
car sex?
mmph.
shipophilia is better!