Clock Crew

title says it all.

I'll start: yesterday I got diarrhea in my eye.

Quote from: Franklin G. Hamilton;1650189i read that post

OH THE IRONY!

marmite

Quote from: Mr. Super Awesome Man;1650193marmite

is awesome

I thought I had a nice slice of cheesecake, I took a big bite, and it turned out to be meringue.

vegemite

Shitposters shitting on each other shit?

Quote from: FloundermanClock;1650208Shitposters shitting on each other shit?

[u2]xylkO5s976Y[/u2]

Attempted to go down on a girl that evidently didn't know what soap was. Yeah, that didn't last long but it brings a tear to my eye even today.

i stepped on a frog bare footed

This one time, my stepbrother, who was and still is much bigger than me, stuck his finger up his ass then pinned me down and rubbed it all over my teeth. I brushed my teeth and used mouthwash several times and I could still taste the shit.

Bird poop in my mouth

Also, some weeks plenty of years ago I was pooping in a yellow buttery concistence. The smell was horrible. Not poo-smelly but like butter, lard, diarrea and urine in a blender.

Quote from: Chaotic Silly Putty;1650216This one time, my stepbrother, who was and still is much bigger than me, stuck his finger up his ass then pinned me down and rubbed it all over my teeth. I brushed my teeth and used mouthwash several times and I could still taste the shit.

that's fucked

Quote from: Chaotic Silly Putty;1650216This one time, my stepbrother, who was and still is much bigger than me, stuck his finger up his ass then pinned me down and rubbed it all over my teeth. I brushed my teeth and used mouthwash several times and I could still taste the shit.

That's like a flashback for a serial killer in a movie.

Not that much gross has happened to me. I also stepped on a toad barefoot but it hopped away fine.

I don't think I can remember a specific top grossest moment. Most of them involved poo and pee like all these guys.  I've stepped in dog poo barefoot, I've sat in dog poo, I've put my hand in dog poo by accident, I've been pissed on, when I worked at mcdonalds I had to clean piss and poo out of the playplace like every day so I got used to it. Last night I was trying to piss in a bottle because I didn't want to go over to the bathroom because it was 3am and my family was sleeping and I didn't want to wake them up, so I put the tip of my wiener in the water bottle but it compressed the air and when I started to pee it shot out like  a shook up pop and I got it all over my self and room.

Quote from: FishbagClock;1650232I don't think I can remember a specific top grossest moment. Most of them involved poo and pee like all these guys.  I've stepped in dog poo barefoot, I've sat in dog poo, I've put my hand in dog poo by accident, I've been pissed on, when I worked at mcdonalds I had to clean piss and poo out of the playplace like every day so I got used to it. Last night I was trying to piss in a bottle because I didn't want to go over to the bathroom because it was 3am and my family was sleeping and I didn't want to wake them up, so I but the end of my weiner in the water bottle but it compressed the air and when I started to pee it shot out like  a shook up pop and I got it all over my self and room.

wat

Quote from: Chaotic Silly Putty;1650216This one time, my stepbrother, who was and still is much bigger than me, stuck his finger up his ass then pinned me down and rubbed it all over my teeth. I brushed my teeth and used mouthwash several times and I could still taste the shit.

D:

Quote from: FishbagClock;1650232Last night I was trying to piss in a bottle because I didn't want to go over to the bathroom because it was 3am and my family was sleeping and I didn't want to wake them up, so I but the end of my weiner in the water bottle but it compressed the air and when I started to pee it shot out like  a shook up pop and I got it all over my self and room.

D:

Quote from: Chaotic Silly Putty;1650216This one time, my stepbrother, who was and still is much bigger than me, stuck his finger up his ass then pinned me down and rubbed it all over my teeth. I brushed my teeth and used mouthwash several times and I could still taste the shit.

lmao

Picked up cat by its gut and it spewed shit all over my computer screen and my arm

I clean out the used tampon container at work sometimes

got pricked by a needle someone left in the bathroom at work

When I was a kid I ate a metric shit ton of pulled pork then puked it up in the sink and had to scoop it out of the sink with my hands into the toilet and flush, it took like an hour and I will never eat pulled pork again

dissected a fetal pig in highschool it smelled like salami couldn't eat salami for a year

Quote from: ButtplugClock;1650243Picked up cat by its gut and it spewed shit all over my computer screen and my arm

I clean out the used tampon container at work sometimes

got pricked by a needle someone left in the bathroom at work

When I was a kid I ate a metric shit ton of pulled pork then puked it up in the sink and had to scoop it out of the sink with my hands into the toilet and flush, it took like an hour and I will never eat pulled pork again

dissected a fetal pig in highschool it smelled like salami couldn't eat salami for a year

Your job sounds horrible.

Quote from: FishbagClock;1650244Your job sounds horrible.

Not that bad actually I just like to complain. I couldn't imagine having to work in a place that has a playplace, I can hardly bear kids throwing fries all over the dining room.

Quote from: ButtplugClock;1650247Not that bad actually I just like to complain. I couldn't imagine having to work in a place that has a playplace, I can hardly bear kids throwing fries all over the dining room.

Yeah the McDonalds bathrooms can be pretty bad. One time I went into clean up the stall and someone had left a bottle of pee right beside the toilet... it's not as much gross as it is confusing.

When we dissected pigs at school, me and some goth kid had an intestine-fight. Not as gross as it was fun.

Stepped on a live roach barefoot
Puppy with parvo (projectile blood and shit, couldn't eat pepperoni for months)
Some other stuff.

Quote from: ButtplugClock;1650247Not that bad actually I just like to complain. I couldn't imagine having to work in a place that has a playplace, I can hardly bear kids throwing fries all over the dining room.

So you'd rather throw out used tampons and get pricked by needles?


I'm sure my past is full of disgusting things, but all I can remember is recent ones. I work in a meat department at a grocery store, and throw out old-ass rotting dead animal parts every couple days. I cut up disgusting things like liver, tongue, kidney, and heart every once in a while too. Heart isn't too bad. Every so often you get hit in the face with a little piece of meat or blood or something dead. It's so gross, but I got used to it.

Quote from: TangClock;1650251So you'd rather throw out used tampons and get pricked by needles?

Getting pricked by a used needle = AIDS.

Well I stepped in dog vomit/bile a couple minutes ago.

Quote from: FishbagClock;1650254Getting pricked by a used needle = AIDS.

Quote from: TangClock;1650251So you'd rather throw out used tampons and get pricked by needles?

I had to go for HIV tests 6 times over 6 months, and take almost $2000 dollars (covered by workers comp but still) worth of pills for a month just in case I did contract it and it wasn't detected. The pills made me feel like shit for that whole month, it was terrible. Not to mention the feeling you get when you realize you may have gotten HIV. Sitting in a doctors office for 20 minutes feels like forever when you are going to find out if you are going to be ok or not. And all because SOME FUCKING BITCH couldn't properly dispose of her needle after she checked her fucking blood sugar.

Quote from: RoboticAssClock;1650265Well I stepped in dog vomit/bile a couple minutes ago.

Yeah we have a sick cat that is always throwing up too. I love steeping in a ripe hairball-and-puke-pile in the middle of the night when all I wanna do is take a piss lol.

I think you beat the shit-finger in mouth guy.

I few years ago I washed dishes and found a used condom in the water. Apparently It was stuck to the bottom of a plate from my roommate's nightstand.

Quote from: ButtplugClock;1650243dissected a fetal pig in highschool it smelled like salami couldn't eat salami for a year

Really? I've never minded the smell of preserved animals.

I've dissected a worm, frog, starfish, crayfish, and pig, all weren't that bad, but I feel the crayfish was the worst because it made me have flashbacks to when we were taking care of these crayfish in the third grade and some of them tore each other apart.

Yknow what, I guess that was the most disgusting thing that's ever happened to me. Thanks for the reminder :l

Someone smeared shit all over the toilet rim and I sat on it without looking first.

I should have looked, that's how the toilet always looked like at my junior college. Mountains of shit, oceans of piss in every toilet from people too stupid to push the lever.

This one time, my stepbrother, who was and still is much bigger than me, stuck his finger up his ass then pinned me down and rubbed it all over my teeth. I brushed my teeth and used mouthwash several times and I could still taste the shit.

Eating potato chip and noticed one was kind of gummy. Took it out of my mouth and it was a used bandaid. I still don't know who's it was.

also stepped in dog shit barefoot once.

My stuff isn't that bad

Quote from: Coolboyman;1650289Someone smeared shit all over the toilet rim and I sat on it without looking first.

I should have looked, that's how the toilet always looked like at my junior college. Mountains of shit, oceans of piss in every toilet from people too stupid to push the lever.

I am baffled by this behavior; it's all too common and I really don't understand what vile environment these people apparently came from that taught them to behave in such selfish and disgusting ways

Quote from: FishbagClock;1650232I don't think I can remember a specific top grossest moment. Most of them involved poo and pee like all these guys.  I've stepped in dog poo barefoot, I've sat in dog poo, I've put my hand in dog poo by accident, I've been pissed on, when I worked at mcdonalds I had to clean piss and poo out of the playplace like every day so I got used to it. Last night I was trying to piss in a bottle because I didn't want to go over to the bathroom because it was 3am and my family was sleeping and I didn't want to wake them up, so I put the tip of my wiener in the water bottle but it compressed the air and when I started to pee it shot out like  a shook up pop and I got it all over my self and room.

amazing

Quote from: ultra_CLOck;1650293This one time, my stepbrother, who was and still is much bigger than me, stuck his finger up his ass then pinned me down and rubbed it all over my teeth. I brushed my teeth and used mouthwash several times and I could still taste the shit.

ur funies

cn i b ur frend?

Quote from: ToyotaClock;1650298I am baffled by this behavior; it's all too common and I really don't understand what vile environment these people apparently came from that taught them to behave in such selfish and disgusting ways

Where I live, it's full of people who think they're from the ghetto and gangsta and all that crap.  Even grown ass adults. I live in the safest Bay Area city (Castro Valley), with the black population being less than 2%, and people still act black and think they're all hoodrats and gangsta.

I don't keep with the times (mostly because I haven't turned on my TV besides to play video games in about 2 months), but maybe MTV said "It's gangsta to not flush the toilet and rub your waste everywhere", so naturally they'll do what it says because they want to be liked by people who do the exact same thing as them, who also want to be liked.

Quote from: Coolboyman;1650342Where I live, it's full of people who think they're from the ghetto and gangsta and all that crap.  Even grown ass adults. I live in the safest Bay Area city (Castro Valley), with the black population being less than 2%, and people still act black and think they're all hoodrats and gangsta.

I don't keep with the times, but maybe MTV said "It's gangsta to not flush the toilet and rub your waste everywhere", so naturally they'll do what it says because they want to be liked by people who do the exact same thing as them, who also want to be liked.

Yeah, I hate black people. I want to move as far away from them as possible, they're all smelly ingrates.

Quote from: ultra_CLOck;1650343Yeah, I hate black people. I want to move as far away from them as possible, they're all smelly ingrates.

YEa.. wait a minute :sherlock:

Quote from: RabidClock;1650364YEa.. wait a minute :sherlock:

WAITING WILL GET YOU FUCKED, SON

DON'T BE A WAITER

Quote from: TequilaClock;1650223Bird poop in my mouth

Also, some weeks plenty of years ago I was pooping in a yellow buttery concistence. The smell was horrible. Not poo-smelly but like butter, lard, diarrea and urine in a blender.

Welcome to Mexico.

Best one i can think of as of now:
When i was really little, about 1-2 years old i think, i was on holiday with my family. We were going for a walk in the countryside, and i went on ahead up a footpath with my brother, and then suddenly i stepped in a massive pile of dog shit and, because i was so small, the shit when right up to my ankle and above. My whole foot was eaten by a turd.

Also i'd like to point out that Bootsie is the new Isison.

my dog puked on me once when i was sleeping, i can't think of anything super gross tho...

cat pissed and shat all over the curtains/carpet and i had to clean it

after reading this thread i think i've had it pretty good

Quote from: ActionClock;1650422my dog puked on me once when i was sleeping, i can't think of anything super gross tho...

Oh, you just reminded me. Once I had a massive shit in my sleep.

a few years back me and a few friends went camping and for some dumb fuck reason my friend brought his cat.. Well tbh I kinda like cats so I let it sleep near me. I woke up the next morning with shit all over me.. It shat in my sleeping bag and I kinda toss and turn when I sleep (especially while camping) so the shit got all over me and it was ALOT of shit.

And, I didnt bring anything else to change into so that was an awesome car ride home.

I throw up every friday night and on four of those occasions I vomited all over myself and my bed. That's about it I guess

When OrangeClock initiated me into the Clock Crew it was pretty scary and it hurt a lot.

We don't do the initiations anymore.

Quote from: ultra_CLOck;1650343Yeah, I hate black people. I want to move as far away from them as possible, they're all smelly ingrates.

You hate... Olskoo?

Blasmephy.





KnotsberryClock, where on this doll did... did he touch you?

Quote from: Dark Propaganda;1650475You hate... Olskoo?
KnotsberryClock, where on this doll did... did he touch you?

LOL.

This one time I was going to have sex with a girl so I pulled down her pants and she had a vagina.

It was so gross.

One time I was playing soccer on a field that had sheep, I slipped on some sheep shit and fell in it. My whole shoe and back were covered in it. Good times.

One of my friends also kicked a fresh dog turd into another friends face, it was more hilarious than disgusting though. The guy that got the turd in his face cried.

my friends stole my liquor and pissed in it when i was 14, i puked everywhere.

a few years ago my dog had terrible diarrhoea and my dad was away so i had to clean it up from the kitchen and hallway floors. this involved hours of soaking up watery shit with tissue paper and sponges on sticks and disinfecting and retching. fortunately, one of my friends was nice enough to help me out

also once i passed out in my own sick and woke up to find my long hair matted with it. lovely

Quote from: Navin R. Johnson;1650504a few years ago my dog had terrible diarrhoea and my dad was away so i had to clean it up from the kitchen and hallway floors. this involved hours of soaking up watery shit with tissue paper and sponges on sticks and disinfecting and retching. fortunately, one of my friends was nice enough to help me out

Hahaha, damn you got some nice friends. I wouldn't clean up my friends dog shit.

Quote from: Navin R. Johnson;1650504a few years ago my dog had terrible diarrhoea and my dad was away so i had to clean it up from the kitchen and hallway floors. this involved hours of soaking up watery shit with tissue paper and sponges on sticks and disinfecting and retching. fortunately, one of my friends was nice enough to help me out

Yeah, that's happened to me a few times, except that I had to do it all by myself while my stepfather stood around and watched. I don't really think of it as something super-gross, though.

Also, I have a really small dog, so the puddles of liquid shit are never very big.

This is reminding me of on 2 occasions this summer my cat took a dump on my bed. He's potty trained like all cats and he's not old, I honestly think he just did it to piss me off because I always abuse him and stuff. I was in my room on the computer and he was sleeping on my bed, went downstairs to get a drink for 2 minutes and came up and he booked it out of the room and to my delight there was a small patty of hairy cat shit on my bed. The second time went practically the same way except it was on the floor and I stepped in it.  The annoying thing is that his litter box is literally outside my door in the hallway.

Quote from: DWARFINATOR;1650495One of my friends also kicked a fresh dog turd into another friends face, it was more hilarious than disgusting though. The guy that got the turd in his face cried.

That would suck because like you would either have to clean yourself off, THEN kick the guy's ass or beat the shit outta him with shit all over your face.

This is exactly why I've never really wanted a cat/dog much

I was eating cereal one time and was bringing the spoon to my mouth, when I looked down at my spoon and see some sort of insect writhing around in the milk and cereal. I didn't finish my breakfast.

This other time I stayed over at this guy's party who has a really tiny bedroom and had about twenty other people staying in the same room. Did I mention this guy hasn't cleaned his room for many a year? Dirty plates under the bed, pizza boxes, hundreds of various stains on the carpet, cigarette butts, and the smell of BO. I had a small towel to use as a blanket and a hoody for a pillow which smelt suspiciously of piss.

Quote from: FishbagClock;1650557This is reminding me of on 2 occasions this summer my cat took a dump on my bed. He's potty trained like all cats and he's not old, I honestly think he just did it to piss me off because I always abuse him and stuff.

Um... ?

:hmph:

Just yesterday i was at the pub and my girlfriend almost finished her rum and coke to see something stuck to the bottom of her glass on the inside. upon closer inspection i found it to be a small slug or maggot of some kind. pretty gross.

I think I've mentioned in a similar thread the story of when my ex-girlfriend had finished blowing me then went up to kiss me and snowballed me without my consent. But we were both fucked up on ecstasy so I just rolled with it.

Quote from: MonsterMunch;1650602I think I've mentioned in a similar thread the story of when my ex-girlfriend had finished blowing me then went up to kiss me and snowballed me without my consent. But we were both fucked up on ecstasy so I just rolled with it.

well if you were ever going to do that, that'd be the way to do it

Quote from: MonsterMunch;1650602I think I've mentioned in a similar thread the story of when my ex-girlfriend had finished blowing me then went up to kiss me and snowballed me without my consent. But we were both fucked up on ecstasy so I just rolled with it.

haha so gay.



One time in year 9 Science class we were dissecting a heart and it smelt like shit. So I cut out an artey that was full of fat and chuncky shit and ate it infront of the teacher. She kicked me out and then I complained about the taste.

Another one, not disgusting for me... When I worked at Hungry-Jack's I had a cut on my thumb and I was putting some onion rings in the deep fryer and when i got them out the bag I re-opened my cut and then went and made a burger and got blood all over the burger. Then I watched the guy eat it.

And another time this Jewish guy came in and he had the hat and the beard and the coupons to prove he was a jew. So I rubbed bacon all his burger for like 2 minutes while another worker told him the meat wasn't ready yet. When it was done he stood at the counter and ate his burger while he was waiting for his chips. Not disgusting but I like that story.

Quote from: Pencil;1650614haha so gay.



One time in year 9 Science class we were dissecting a heart and it smelt like shit. So I cut out an artey that was full of fat and chuncky shit and ate it infront of the teacher. She kicked me out and then I complained about the taste.

Another one, not disgusting for me... When I worked at Hungry-Jack's I had a cut on my thumb and I was putting some onion rings in the deep fryer and when i got them out the bag I re-opened my cut and then went and made a burger and got blood all over the burger. Then I watched the guy eat it.

And another time this Jewish guy came in and he had the hat and the beard and the coupons to prove he was a jew. So I rubbed bacon all his burger for like 2 minutes while another worker told him the meat wasn't ready yet. When it was done he stood at the counter and ate his burger while he was waiting for his chips. Not disgusting but I like that story.

geez, you're a dick

Quote from: Navin R. Johnson;1650619geez, you're a dick

Yep :)

Quote from: Pencil;1650614haha so gay.



One time in year 9 Science class we were dissecting a heart and it smelt like shit. So I cut out an artey that was full of fat and chuncky shit and ate it infront of the teacher. She kicked me out and then I complained about the taste.

Another one, not disgusting for me... When I worked at Hungry-Jack's I had a cut on my thumb and I was putting some onion rings in the deep fryer and when i got them out the bag I re-opened my cut and then went and made a burger and got blood all over the burger. Then I watched the guy eat it.

And another time this Jewish guy came in and he had the hat and the beard and the coupons to prove he was a jew. So I rubbed bacon all his burger for like 2 minutes while another worker told him the meat wasn't ready yet. When it was done he stood at the counter and ate his burger while he was waiting for his chips. Not disgusting but I like that story.

I hate you.

Quote from: DWARFINATOR;1650623I hate you.

Thanks mum

Quote from: Pencil;1650614And another time this Jewish guy came in and he had the hat and the beard and the coupons to prove he was a jew. So I rubbed bacon all his burger for like 2 minutes while another worker told him the meat wasn't ready yet.

He didn't exactly eat any bacon. Rubbing crusty stringy pig flesh and sugary death meat isn't going to form some mutated meat combination. You should've just hide the actual fucking bacon in the burger somewhere.

Quote from: Pencil;1650614haha so gay.



One time in year 9 Science class we were dissecting a heart and it smelt like shit. So I cut out an artey that was full of fat and chuncky shit and ate it infront of the teacher. She kicked me out and then I complained about the taste.

fucking boss, dude

Quote from: Pencil;1650614Another one, not disgusting for me... When I worked at Hungry-Jack's I had a cut on my thumb and I was putting some onion rings in the deep fryer and when i got them out the bag I re-opened my cut and then went and made a burger and got blood all over the burger. Then I watched the guy eat it.

I never want to eat at Hungry-Jack's :(

Quote from: Pencil;1650614haha so gay.



One time in year 9 Science class we were dissecting a heart and it smelt like shit. So I cut out an artey that was full of fat and chuncky shit and ate it infront of the teacher. She kicked me out and then I complained about the taste.

Was it a human heart?

Quote from: Chaotic Silly Putty;1650651Was it a human heart?

She didn't tell us what it was, just that it was a heart.

Quote from: Pencil;1650652She didn't tell us what it was, just that it was a heart.

You could be a cannibal and not even know it.

Metal.

Quote from: Chaotic Silly Putty;1650653You could be a cannibal and not even know it.

Metal.

somehow i doubt that any human heart ready for dissection would be given to high school students

Quote from: Pencil;1650614And another time this Jewish guy came in and he had the hat and the beard and the coupons to prove he was a jew. So I rubbed bacon all his burger for like 2 minutes while another worker told him the meat wasn't ready yet. When it was done he stood at the counter and ate his burger while he was waiting for his chips. Not disgusting but I like that story.

I think I love you.

Woo! Finally some respect!

2nd nastiest thing:
I was at hattaman's house and I was looking for a coke that I left set somewhere. Well, his house is a fucking stye and there's coke cans everywhere so its not an easy task. I finally found a can that was about half full, so I figured it was mine. I took a big gulp and immediatly discovered I was actually drinking tons of someones tobbaco-spit.

Quote from: PassedOutFillinTheBath;16507562nd nastiest thing:
I was at hattaman's house and I was looking for a coke that I left set somewhere. Well, his house is a fucking stye and there's coke cans everywhere so its not an easy task. I finally found a can that was about half full, so I figured it was mine. I took a big gulp and immediatly discovered I was actually drinking tons of someones tobbaco-spit.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

One time i got home from a party and got some kebab and fries. When i came home i felt like puking but i was to drunk to get to bathroom so i puked all over my bed and floor. Managed to get most of it in the sink though. Anywho next day i wake up in semi digested fries and kebab and i discover that it had clogged up my sink aswell. So i spent the day cleaning my room and declogging a sink full of sick.

Quote from: Chaotic Silly Putty;1650761BAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

I actually have a handful of silly putty right now

What was also great was when me and Grey rode our bikes to school (like 10 years ago) and apparently Grey had stepped in some dogshit before getting on his bike. So after a while his entire pedal was covered and he slipped of, smearing dog poo all over his pants. He didn't notice it at first, not untill he arrived at school and people started to ask what the hell that smell was.

Quote from: PassedOutFillinTheBath;16507562nd nastiest thing:
I was at hattaman's house and I was looking for a coke that I left set somewhere. Well, his house is a fucking stye and there's coke cans everywhere so its not an easy task. I finally found a can that was about half full, so I figured it was mine. I took a big gulp and immediatly discovered I was actually drinking tons of someones tobbaco-spit.

That story is definitely up in the top 5.

Quote from: FishbagClock;1650778That story is definitely up in the top 5.

the worst part about it is while I was gagging and vomiting hatta was all "oh come on you pussy" and took a big swig of it.
kid's fucked up. Everytime he's around and we find vomit on the ground we pay him five bucks to eat a chunk. He's never turned it down. Also he once drank bong water free of charge purely for our entertainment

Quote from: PassedOutFillinTheBath;1650769I actually have a handful of silly putty right now

make funny things with it

Quote from: Chaotic Silly Putty;1650785make funny things with it

earlier today I covered the lenses of my glasses in it, and made a vertical slit down the middle so I could see out, and then I walked around town and did shopping like that, acting like it wasn't there. People were concerned.
Does that count?

Quote from: Navin R. Johnson;1650504a few years ago my dog had terrible diarrhoea and my dad was away so i had to clean it up from the kitchen and hallway floors. this involved hours of soaking up watery shit with tissue paper and sponges on sticks and disinfecting and retching. fortunately, one of my friends was nice enough to help me out

also once i passed out in my own sick and woke up to find my long hair matted with it. lovely

Similar thing for me. I was house-sitting for neighbors, their two huge dogs decided to crap all through the kitchen and living room and run through it. Had to call for help a few hours in, it wouldn't come out of the carpet, there were even spatters on the walls in some places. Then I had to wash the matted shit off the dogs and they kept jumping in the shower.


I've a few other things, the worst would be the early childhood shitting of my footy pajamas. I was hospitalized and a bit drugged at the time, so I didn't wake up until I had rolled about and the stuff had kind of fused about my skin. The crappy nylon zipper was jammed with the shit gristle, so I had to be cut out of them.


Oh, and then there was the time I worked as an Ice cream man and I was about to have a health inspection. My manager was there already, and we found out that the little sink that is supposed to be there for sanitation was clogged with some kind of evil ice cream sludge, it smelled like shit because of all the bacteria that had developed in it from a week of neglect. I tried to flush it out, but that just made the basin pool with murky water. I had no tools and less than a minute before a health inspection would have earned my manager a serious fine and possibly endangered my job, so I put my head in the basin and blew the clog out with my mouth. I ended up keeping that job for years.


Then there was a time when a large mammal died in the chimney, and the flies from its corpse were infesting my house. Long story short, it fell on me and maggots were everywhere.


Went to a local water treatment plant, I was checking out the big sand prefilters. They get clogged at certain times of year, so I went to see what it was that they were removing in big heavy scoops.

Snails.

There were snails caked over a foot thick, all sizes and types, almost all dead. There must have been over a ton of snails. I didn't contact them, but the stench, the sound of a huge scoop of them being dumped onto a pile, and the visual texture made it one of the most surreal and jarring things I've ever experienced.

Quote from: PassedOutFillinTheBath;1650790earlier today I covered the lenses of my glasses in it, and made a vertical slit down the middle so I could see out, and then I walked around town and did shopping like that, acting like it wasn't there. People were concerned.
Does that count?

Yes. :cool:

PS yes I know they're horizontal >:C

Quote from: Pencil;1650614One time in year 9 Science class we were dissecting a heart and it smelt like shit. So I cut out an artey that was full of fat and chuncky shit and ate it infront of the teacher. She kicked me out and then I complained about the taste.

Jokes on you, it was probably full of preservatives and latex was probably the chunky stuff, they fill arteries with it to simulate blood.

Quote from: PassedOutFillinTheBath;16507562nd nastiest thing:
  I took a big gulp and immediatly discovered I was actually drinking tons of someones tobbaco-spit.

hahaha.

thats so gross.

A couple of months back I drank a whole bottle of mayo. in a pub, went clubbing about an hour later then puked the contents on a guy opposite me. Red wine mixed with clumpy matter (e.g. potato) is the worst to get out of your hair imo.

I've removed someones glass-eye and poked the socket, that was pretty fun.

Quote from: CadillacClock;1650817what the fuck: this thread

Hey, it's fun.

Quote from: Franklin G. Hamilton;1650820thats gross why would you eat that much mayo

for some reason I read it as mustard the first time and I was thinking hey I'd totally do that

but not mayo, that's just gross

Quote from: Franklin G. Hamilton;1650820thats gross why would you eat that much mayo

One word: drunk.

I thought about filling up an old mayo jar with vanilla pudding, just to make an odd thing to eat in public.

Then I realized that I really didn't like pudding all that much.

Jesus guys all the shit thats happened to me was a mistake or my job but some of you do this to yourselves hahaha

Quote from: ButtplugClock;1650878Jesus guys all the shit thats happened to me was a mistake or my job but some of you do this to yourselves hahaha

Clock Crew: a place for masochists

EDIT: I used to eat mustard on fries. I still do sometimes. It actually isn't bad once you get used to it.

Quote from: Chaotic Silly Putty;1650944Clock Crew: a place for masochists

EDIT: I used to eat mustard on fries. I still do sometimes. It actually isn't bad once you get used to it.

I won't do this unless it's Whataburger mustard. There is something very different and palatable about that mustard, like a good balsamic vinegar only orders of magnitude less classy.

Quote from: Solenoidclock;1650967I won't do this unless it's Whataburger mustard. There is something very different and palatable about that mustard, like a good balsamic vinegar only orders of magnitude less classy.

I have never had Whataburger mustard. I've only had regular mustard, honey mustard, and dijon mustard. How would you say Whataburger is compared to those?

Quote from: Chaotic Silly Putty;1650974I have never had Whataburger mustard. I've only had regular mustard, honey mustard, and dijon mustard. How would you say Whataburger is compared to those?

It's definitely a yellow mustard. It's flavorful but without that caustic stipulation. It also has a very palpable texture, far from homogeneous.

it's really hard to describe. It's something that you would happily apply to your patty with a knife, rather than squirt it out in thin streams if it were sold commercially. It's completely unique to Whataburger, so far as I know. It makes the restaurants that just buy generic mustard seem like they're just going through the motions with their condiments.

Also, I despise McDonalds but occasionally I'll buy a few cups of their hot mustard. It's so good on chicken.

today i was on the bus and this woman literally filled the entire vehicle with the stench of body odor, piss and i'm fairly certain small amounts of shit

Quote from: Liser;1651190today i was on the bus and this woman literally filled the entire vehicle with the stench of body odor, piss and i'm fairly certain small amounts of shit

did you hit it?

Quote from: AstronautClock;1651283did you hit it?

such an act would require physical contact, euphemism or not. due to my desire to remain as far away from this woman as possible, i could not hit her.

ps; she was hella huge and had a hairy chin

i had blood smeared on me by someone trying to be funny

i licked it back up

...aaaand that's the worst i can think of, really, and it was't all that bad tbh (KANNIBAL KING)

A few years ago when I first started at my current job, this crazy middle-aged lady walked in and sat down on a customer seat at the front of the building. It was obvious she was crazy as it was all she could tell me about when I asked her if I could help. "My daughter tried to put me in an institution, she think's I'm crazy and I'm not crazy at all" and all that malarky.

I think I was a bit out of my depth in terms of giving her help, as I was just a customer service representative in a design and print business centre.

After about 10 minutes of waffling on at me about how she's gonna show her daughter she's wrong about her (obvious) mental condition, she asked me to help her up out of the seat. I reluctantly agreed.

She held her hand out and I grabbed her arm to pull her up, and as I did, she strained to stand upright.

She shat herself. Right there, in front of me. Big squelchy one.

I couldn't move. All I could think was "I just held someones hand as they defecated. I touched a pooing stranger"
That's when she looked me straight in the eye and gave me the most unsettling scolding I hope I'll ever receive. Words I'll never forget -

"YOU NAUGHTY BOY! I WAS DOING IT FOR THE COUNTRY!"

She took off out of the door straight after that, and I continued to stay stood in the same exact place for a couple of minutes.

I composed myself, walked back into the offices and explained to my colleagues what had just happened. I then washed my hands thoroughly, and sat down at my desk.

I don't think I did much work for the rest of the day.

Eating period mess is always a good conversational ice-breaker,

Quote from: CabbageClock;1651297epic story

woah

I EAT MY FRIES WITH MAYO

But you know what they put on French fries in Holland instead of ketchup?
What?
Mayonnaise.
Goddamn!
I seen 'em do it man. They drown them in that shit.

Quote from: INoodle;1651309But you know what they put on French fries in Holland instead of ketchup?
What?
Mayonnaise.
Goddamn!
I seen 'em do it man. They drown them in that shit.

its the only way

I have a recent one.

My baby brother (read: 3 years old) was left on his own for two minutes tops. I go downstairs to find he'd shat on the floor and was playing with it with a toy Tractor, smearing it in streaks on the window sill.

Now he shits on the floor because it gets him attention. The little arse

Quote from: Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz;1651318I have a recent one.

My baby brother (read: 3 years old) was left on his own for two minutes tops. I go downstairs to find he'd shat on the floor and was playing with it with a toy Tractor, smearing it in streaks on the window sill.

Now he shits on the floor because it gets him attention. The little arse

so, how do we prevent this behaviour?

it is a mystery

everytime he takes a shit kick him in the face

what about diapers

Quote from: AstronautClock;1651344what about diapers

He's three, far too old

One day I was with my friends in the sea. For some reason I don't remember I started laughing, and one of them threw seaweed right into my mouth. What's worse, it had some maggot shit in it, urgh.

Fuck he did it again.














Fuck

Quote from: Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz;1651393He's three, far too old

Apparently not too old to smear his shit all over the place though.

Well, just a few minutes ago I had to go out and scoop up my dog's crap. I don't mind when he does it on the grass but when he does it on the paving it's hard to get off and I usually just end up smearing it all over (because whatever we feed him he still does semi-liquid turds).
 
But after reading through this entire thread, what I did was nothing.

I have a friend who doesn't like germs like when he gets on a bus or train he doesn't touch anything and we were on a train and it was packed and he almost fell over every time the train started moving and stopped and I was holding on to the pole and offered him some of it to hold and he said "no too many germs, I'll stand" so I was like "It's clean look" and I started making out with the pole... and yep... there was blood on it...

Quote from: Pencil;1652075I have a friend who doesn't like germs like when he gets on a bus or train he doesn't touch anything and we were on a train and it was packed and he almost fell over every time the train started moving and stopped and I was holding on to the pole and offered him some of it to hold and he said "no too many germs, I'll stand" so I was like "It's clean look" and I started making out with the pole... and yep... there was blood on it...

Enjoy your STD's, faggot.

Quote from: Etch A Sketch;1652085Enjoy your STD's, faggot.

sexuality did not have to be brought into this

Quote from: mauserclock;1652091sexuality did not have to be brought into this

But I did anyway.

Quote from: Etch A Sketch;1652085Enjoy your STD's, faggot.

Etch A Sketches are lame and only fun for 2 minutes if that.

Quote from: Pencil;1652075I have a friend who doesn't like germs like when he gets on a bus or train he doesn't touch anything and we were on a train and it was packed and he almost fell over every time the train started moving and stopped and I was holding on to the pole and offered him some of it to hold and he said "no too many germs, I'll stand" so I was like "It's clean look" and I started making out with the pole... and yep... there was blood on it...

Enjoy your STD's, faggot.

Quote from: Rinoa Heartilly;1652144Enjoy your STD's, faggot.

Not you too! :(

u R all homof0bix

not really disgusting but. i flew off my bike once and landed in mud, it was hilarious. laughed the whole time on my way home

good times

I was once drinking with some friends and some of them spit into a cup and I accidentally drank it :sick:

Once we all chipped in and paid this guy to drink a pint of all our spit.

Quote from: INoodle;1652242Once we all chipped in and paid this guy to drink a pint of all our spit.

Holy fucking shit thats disgusting.

How much did he make all together?

I made £10 once from drinking a shot of half-vodka and half-my own piss at a party. Easiest tenner I ever made, I had been drinking all night so my piss was just clear and watery so it just tasted like diluted vodka.

one time a n i g g g er almost touched me

I have this intense fear of spiders and when I was like 14-something a girl came to my house and when she left we stood there talking at the door while I was leaning against the wall and without looking I was picking at something I found on the wall and sort of rolling it into a ball in between my thumb and index finger. When she finally left I took a look at my hand and noticed the whole time I had been busy rolling this big fat black spider. It wasn't even alive anymore seeing as how long I stood there pinching it and stuff

Okay this story doesn't sound disgsting at all after re-reading it :(

Quote from: Pencil;1652129Etch A Sketches are lame and only fun for 2 minutes if that.

you are wrong and also very stupid.

Quote from: RobClock;1652275you are wrong and also very stupid.

AC/DC suck :/

Quote from: Pencil;1652290AC/DC suck :/

this is an opinion

Quote from: Leon the professional;1652297this is an opinion

A valid opinion?