I'll be returning to update this as ideas come to me, I'm really not sure quite where this story will lead to yet but I hope for it to be entertaining!
I kicked off from the top of the hill, my boot crrrrrrrting on the hard packed dirt strewn with pebbles. The bike’s front shocks puffed and shocked as I descended, I vaulted off root-jumps formed from nearby trees that surrounded the narrow trail. The hill was steep and long; it was wise to zigzag and keep a hand on the brakes to avoid getting thrown or hitting a tree.
I hit the bottom of the hill and banked left staying with the trail, holding the speed and momentum I had gained from the descent. I soared through the fall woods; my tires crackled over brown, red, and yellow dead leaves. I bunny hopped over a fallen log and switched gears preparing for a short but steep and rocky hill up ahead. The chack chacking of my gears was the only sound to be heard apart from my steady breathing as I made my way through the oak forestâ€"the woods were quite quiet for such a warm cloudless day.
I neither heard nor saw any wildlife, no squirrels gathering food for the upcoming winter. No woodpeckers woodpecking. The leaves continued to fall unaware of any impending crisis but it appeared to me, from my bicycle, that they were being blown in my direction by a gentle yet malignant breeze. The wind felt faintly chilly despite the thermometer touching nearly 80 degrees as I had left for the ride. An ominous orchestral score began playing in the background, heavy on the low bass string instruments and it suddenly became cloudy out. I knew I was in trouble.
This was when I realized that I was not in any normal stretch of northwestern woods but I was in fact the unknowing star of a HORROR MOVIE. This became very obvious looking at the previous paragraph and also as I ascended the small hill, my bike chain simply snapped like an overused simile.
I let the bike accelerate to resting pace, leaned to the side and set my foot down. I dismounted and set the bike against a large oak.
That's great.
I like it, yes.
I like the effect of your homemade jargon -- crrrting, puffed and shocked, root-jump, to zigzag -- it's very involving, engaging. Some of that language has a nice rhythm too it, too: The shocks puffed and shocked... woodpeckers woodpecking.
I also like how you continue to maintain a soundscape with these and similar words and descriptions: the chack chacking on the backdrop of a quiet and warm cloudless day.
The breaking of the fourth wall is in some ways a jarring break in style, but the style is already colourful, almost reckless, so perhaps it works. On a similar note, the snapping of the overused smile is beautifully wry (if you'll pardon the pun) and creative.
pfft, large oak trees are such a cliche
it is so typical for oak trees to be large