Hey guys,
I'm here to face the jury, so to speak. This is a really difficult thing to do, because I always hoped that when I finally did it, I'd be able to in the light of setting things straight. LumpClock and I had a great conversation that convinced me that I shouldn't wait for the ââ,¬Å"perfectââ,¬Â time.
For years since my mom suddenly passed away, I've struggled with really severe depression. It's made it really fucking hard for me to make a living and put food on my own table, on top of having to deal with legal obligations related to both of my parents and my mom's parents, all of which passed away in a pretty short period of time.
I spent a lot of time selling things that belonged to them to clean up their messes and make ends meet. At one point, I sold something valuable that was in my family for a long time. I fucked up by sending it via USPS without any tracking or insurance, thinking it would be fine. When it didn't get where it was going, the PayPal dispute sucked the life out of my account, which I was stupidly using alongside the Clock Crew's money. It's fucking stupid and it's 100% my fault.
I've perpetually been in a state of it seeming nearly impossible for me to put food on my own table and take care of myself. My financial situation sucks. I've interviewed for all kinds of jobs and repeatedly been told that I wasn't a good fit. My mental state has been shit, without family or friends to help me figure anything out. Certainly I've had no help figuring out my depression and my legal obligations. I've had no insurance for years and any medical problems I have just come out of my own pocket, which is virtually empty most of the time.
It's been the worst for me, and to top it off, I've felt guilty the whole time because I'm not good enough to fix my stupid mistake here. I never felt like I could show my face here without being ridiculed, unless I was immediately prepared to set things straight by making a SURPRISE! I FIXED IT announcement. And even if I could I still expected to be hated and ridiculed for my stupid mistakes.
Shame is the real name of the game here. I'm ashamed of my mistake and the way it hurt a community that I loved giving my time to. I'm ashamed of the circumstances that put me in a situation of living from eBay auction to eBay auction and even then, being barely able to make ends meet and move on with my life. I'm ashamed of not having a family to spend holidays with, or to encourage me when I struggle with this shit over and over again.
Since the beginning of this year, things have looked up a little for me. I've had some great freelancing clients that have helped me take care of myself, put food on my table, cover my expenses. I have had some promising interviews and other job prospects on the horizon.
I talked with PatriotClock and we're going to talk more about ââ,¬Å"replacing the treasury through installment payments or something of the sort. Really anything would be a sign of a serious desire for forgiveness.ââ,¬Â When I work that out with them, I will tell you all the details myself and let you know how I'll be held accountable for everything start to finish.
I never wanted to fuck this up. I made stupid mistakes at a time in my life when everything was falling apart. It would've been better to never have touched anything financial for you guys in the first place, which was also my mistake.
Any ridicule or hate I get, I probably deserve, and I don't expect to be very liked here even when things do get worked out, and that doesn't matter because I want to set my wrongs right however I can, however long it takes and whatever I need to do, no matter what anyone says to me about my past.
I also apologize for anything I said that gave any of you the impression that I was taking credit for your work. I'm just proud of the things I was able to be a part of here, and I hoped that pride would help me stand out to a good company, and help me get myself into a position that would let me set things straight here. I'll just strike my work here from the record and find another way to talk about the things I think I'm good at. I don't deserve to be able to associate myself with this place anymore, I've thoroughly un-earned it.
I didn't imagine my life going the way that it did, and I'm sorry that I've deprived you guys of an important resource because of my mistake.
I'm here to face the jury, so to speak. This is a really difficult thing to do, because I always hoped that when I finally did it, I'd be able to in the light of setting things straight. LumpClock and I had a great conversation that convinced me that I shouldn't wait for the ââ,¬Å"perfectââ,¬Â time.
For years since my mom suddenly passed away, I've struggled with really severe depression. It's made it really fucking hard for me to make a living and put food on my own table, on top of having to deal with legal obligations related to both of my parents and my mom's parents, all of which passed away in a pretty short period of time.
I spent a lot of time selling things that belonged to them to clean up their messes and make ends meet. At one point, I sold something valuable that was in my family for a long time. I fucked up by sending it via USPS without any tracking or insurance, thinking it would be fine. When it didn't get where it was going, the PayPal dispute sucked the life out of my account, which I was stupidly using alongside the Clock Crew's money. It's fucking stupid and it's 100% my fault.
I've perpetually been in a state of it seeming nearly impossible for me to put food on my own table and take care of myself. My financial situation sucks. I've interviewed for all kinds of jobs and repeatedly been told that I wasn't a good fit. My mental state has been shit, without family or friends to help me figure anything out. Certainly I've had no help figuring out my depression and my legal obligations. I've had no insurance for years and any medical problems I have just come out of my own pocket, which is virtually empty most of the time.
It's been the worst for me, and to top it off, I've felt guilty the whole time because I'm not good enough to fix my stupid mistake here. I never felt like I could show my face here without being ridiculed, unless I was immediately prepared to set things straight by making a SURPRISE! I FIXED IT announcement. And even if I could I still expected to be hated and ridiculed for my stupid mistakes.
Shame is the real name of the game here. I'm ashamed of my mistake and the way it hurt a community that I loved giving my time to. I'm ashamed of the circumstances that put me in a situation of living from eBay auction to eBay auction and even then, being barely able to make ends meet and move on with my life. I'm ashamed of not having a family to spend holidays with, or to encourage me when I struggle with this shit over and over again.
Since the beginning of this year, things have looked up a little for me. I've had some great freelancing clients that have helped me take care of myself, put food on my table, cover my expenses. I have had some promising interviews and other job prospects on the horizon.
I talked with PatriotClock and we're going to talk more about ââ,¬Å"replacing the treasury through installment payments or something of the sort. Really anything would be a sign of a serious desire for forgiveness.ââ,¬Â When I work that out with them, I will tell you all the details myself and let you know how I'll be held accountable for everything start to finish.
I never wanted to fuck this up. I made stupid mistakes at a time in my life when everything was falling apart. It would've been better to never have touched anything financial for you guys in the first place, which was also my mistake.
Any ridicule or hate I get, I probably deserve, and I don't expect to be very liked here even when things do get worked out, and that doesn't matter because I want to set my wrongs right however I can, however long it takes and whatever I need to do, no matter what anyone says to me about my past.
I also apologize for anything I said that gave any of you the impression that I was taking credit for your work. I'm just proud of the things I was able to be a part of here, and I hoped that pride would help me stand out to a good company, and help me get myself into a position that would let me set things straight here. I'll just strike my work here from the record and find another way to talk about the things I think I'm good at. I don't deserve to be able to associate myself with this place anymore, I've thoroughly un-earned it.
I didn't imagine my life going the way that it did, and I'm sorry that I've deprived you guys of an important resource because of my mistake.