oh my god I don't even know what I would do

when I get home after a night out I'm tapped the fuck out. I hit the bed and don't set an alarm, absolutely everything can wait until morning. I might have it in me to get a glass of water just on the vague sense that my body needs it

but it's also not in my fucking soul to leave a dog that's depending on me in distress. like I would HAVE to get him clean. I guess coffee would be my only option

preliminary investigations suggest the second may be a reference to the video game left 4 dead 1

lol

detectives have been unable to determine the meaning of mysterious phrases left behind at the scene- 'die bedn' 'where are my pills' and 'hot spicy boner' 

sitcoms used to love having an episode where dad has to go on the roof for some reason

that's it that's all I've got that one

there's a part in "Reach Out I'll Be There" by Four Tops where Levi Stubbs says "just look over your shoulder!" and I was listening to it and realized Michael Jackson's apparent ad-lib in "I'll Be There" by The Jackson 5 where he says "just look over your shoulders, honey" was probably in reference to this. I don't know why I never put this together before, it's not like Reach Out is not a popular song also from Motown. its only sin is being like the 18th most famous song about how the singer will be there

it's sort of like in "The Joker" by Steve Miller Band, all that weird shit he says at the beginning about being the cowboy lover space pamplemousse, those are all callbacks to what, at the time, were his biggest songs, but the The Joker became his most famous song so now he just sounds like a crazy person

in a different way it's also sort of like how in Young Americans the choir just randomly goes "I read the news today oh boy" in reference to the Beatles song "A Day in the Life" because Bowie and Lennon were friends and John helped on the album and Bowie was funnin' him. but who has actually listened to A Day in the Life? just Beatles fans, pretty much, right? it didn't even make it onto The Beatles 1. I can name like a dozen more famous Beatles songs

including "All You Need is Love" which contains a callback to "She Loves You" during the outro ("she loves you/yeeeah yeeeah yeeah") and you know what's nuts? you know what's nuts??? there was fan debate for decades about whose voice that was, John or Paul, and you know what's nuts?? it was both of them. they have footage of them in the studio when it happened and they give each other a surprised look because they both just spontaneously decided at the exact same moment to throw that in there

or in "It's My Life" by Bon Jovi, when he sings "for Tommy and Gina, who never backed down." tht's a reference to "Livin on a Prayer." how embarrassing.


no I just kid Bon Jovi, they're good guys

and, uh, Levi Stubbs was the voice of Audrey II in Little Shop of Horrors, and Mother Brain in Captain N the Game Master, BTW, so, ummmm YA. if u even care...

the first step in going to the moon is to bang two rocks together

Quote from: Slurpee on December 05, 2024, 04:39:29 PMtexting "ummm, YES, I'm fine, the tsunami didn't kill me, if you even care" to everybody in my contacts

grindr hook-up from five years ago: "nice. haveu been horny for me???"

texting "ummm, YES, I'm fine, the tsunami didn't kill me, if you even care" to everybody in my contacts

hey just checking, did any of you guys kill the ceo of unitedhealthcare? I guess somebody killed him and it's some big mystery or something

Quote from: PhantomCatClock on December 01, 2024, 06:40:20 PMi told poly you said you'd make all those

I might could!
this is the last week of instruction this semester before finals and I don't want to commit to anything yet because it might be kinda hard to switch gears but that's a goodly amount of weekly time to be freeing up for somebody who's been, I don't mean to brag, kinda nailing it this semester

I finished the report but maybe I should scrap it and write a new one about how the internet sucks and I hate it. it can be titled "fuck the goddamned fucking internet" and its contents will just be 400 screenshots of various websites captioned "look at this shit." "do you believe this shit?" ETC.

something perversely humorous about reading and writing about one standards organization (NIST) very competently doing everything they can to guard us against potential future misuse of technology that doesn't even exist yet while being forced to navigate through the absolute hellscape unleashed by the careless despicable bastards at another (W3C)

sorry I was writing a paper on the threat that quantum computing poses to traditional encryption-based internet security and the fact that I can't even visit the fucking MIT Technology Review without telling 30 different pieces of bullshit to fuck off drove me into a blind rage.

they're basically pop-ups. you realize that? we might as well have just kept pop-ups, it's the same fucking thing. html5 was a mistake. HTML5 WAS A MISTAKE. HTML5 WAS A MISTAKE.

I hate the goddamned internet so fucking much. who the fuck's idea was it to make everything this fucking useless and obnoxious.





NOBODY WANTS ANY OF THIS BULLSHIT ON ANY WEBSITE EVER FUCK YOU

Quote from: PhantomCatClock on December 01, 2024, 03:21:01 PMoh apparently you guys aren't welcome because it's only on the discord but there's a clockmas collab.

Quote🎁 Clockmas Collab: Stealing Christmas / The Great Christmas Heist / name pending 🎁

That no good Clock Crew has had enough and is going full grinch on Christmas this year.

Your objective is to steal Christmas. Make it personal, give a good reason why your character is doing this. It can be done however you want, wherever you want. Newgrounds, Clocktopia, Atlanta, the sky is the limit. We'll figure out the intro and the setup, and how to conclude the movie after we get sign ups. Say which characters you're going to use in your part, so we can avoid reusing the same characters.

Tentative deadline is 12/23/24 so we can do all the post last second as tradition.

Specs:
Around 30-60 seconds per part
MP4 format
24 fps
16:9 aspect ratio (720p or above)
Usual content guidelines. Don't be a fuckhead.

eurrrghagalagahahllllI actually have a decent pitch for the wrapper segments but I don't feel like logging into discord so I'm posting it here

since the theme is kind of insane (a whole bunch of characters unrelatedly each deciding to steal christmas for their own reasons) we've sort of accidentally reinvented the plot of the movie The Signal (2007) from first principles. we could play into that and just actually give it an overarching plot in the same vein as The Signal (2007) (or The Crazies, or Condemned 2: Bloodshot, etc.) and have some mysterious phenomenon that's causing people to go insane and think that they should steal christmas

HEAR ME OUT, I know that sounds lame and I've fallen off a bit recently but I swear this is a good pitch

so the wrapper segment can be a character (should probably be a funny but surprising pick, the way e.g. hamburger was in ptf2. somebody who's given us gold in the past but hasn't really been canonized as a go-to major player. somebody like bbqbeefburgerman, or uhhh dwarf would be funny, or maybe godclock. or fagbagclock. fagbag wasn't real but he can just be real now for no reason and also the protagonist? I think that would be funny. (y'know, or just thor or flounderman again, there's a reason they're guaranteed crowdpleasers))

that parenthetical went on for a long time so I'm starting the sentence over

so the wrapper segment can be a character noticing the phenomenon and going to investigate and put a stop to it, but in a comical half-assed way ala the ring: clock style

so the structure would be:
intro/set-up: the phenomenon of people stealing christmas is identified and x goes to investigate (or is put on the case by a lazy half-assed admin who doesn't feel like doing it? whatever would be funny) (could be preceded by one or two segments of people stealing christmas)
[misc collab segments]
middle bit (maybe? maybe two middle bits? maybe none?): x investigates further, believes they have identified the cause and culprit
[more misc collab segments] maybe escalating in severity?
end bit: x confronts the villain (another good place for a rare funny character pick. actually it would be kinda funny to me to have it be cherimoyaclock, I don't think cherimoya ever appeared in a flash movie except as the villain of the ring clock style. (but I'm probably the only one who would think that was funny so probably not this actually)) and the villain explains that they're not actually doing anything, the clock crew is just full of jerks who all decided to steal christmas for their own reasons and the protagonist is like "oh"

Quote from: FLOUNDERMAN_CLOCK on November 28, 2024, 07:47:17 PM

lol

I watched an episode of Clarence with my little cousin and I was surprised by how much I liked it
I dunno why, I guess I just assumed it would be Not For Me. maybe I just incorrectly thought that I had outgrown cartoons for some reason and stopped watching them but it turns out I actually just still like cartoons? impossible to say

but I loved it in a way that I also kind of never want to see another episode lol
 I feel there's no way they're all as good as this one, and I love that by chance the random episode I happened to see was amazing, and I think I want it to remain pure in my memory. it kind of reminded me of the original Adventure Time pilot, like, I enjoyed it that much, just in terms of it being a really solid short cartoon with a really particular fun and evocative tone and doing everything it needs to in a pretty short amount of time
have any of you watched Clarence? the episodes can't possibly all be this good, right? I'd have heard about it

anyway if you've never seen an episode of Clarence and would like to join me in this experience the episode is called "Tuckered Boys" and it's season 1 episode 43

the plot is, Clarence and his friends Jeff and Sumo decide to stay up to watch the leonid meteor showers and end up hallucinating from sleep deprivation

Sumo is this amazing horrible little goblin who acts like he wandered in out of a different, significantly less wholesome cartoon. in pretty much every scene he's just incidentally doing some reckless and destructive beavis and butthead shit to entertain himself, knocking over furniture, beating a trash can with a stick, hoarding ketchup packets and chucking them at things, etc. he hallucinates that he's this crazy snake/bat monster thing fighting and eating a bunch of tiny friendly leaf monsters
Jeff is a square and literally has a big cube-shaped head and I half want to kick whoever came up with that joke in the dick and half want to buy them a trophy. he's the one who wanted to watch the leonids because he has this bright-eyed dream of... being part of the crowd-sourced online reporting on the meteors' rate and trajectory lol. he hallucinates that his hero, literally Copernicus, comes down from the stars and takes him on a journey through space to teach him the secrets of astronomy and make him his successor
Clarence is just a nice, ppppossibly special needs(?) kid. I have no idea why the show is called Clarence, he doesn't seem like a super interesting anchor point, but, eh, he's nice and likable and has kind of a kirk-to-bones-and-spock position between Jeff and Sumo so w/e. he picks up a toy frog somewhere and his hallucination is having kind of a wilson the volleyball relationship with it but also just general brain-melting psychedelia

in my head it feels like this couldn't possibly have just been a ~ten minute cartoon. like you know how you watch Independence Day and later it feels like there were so many characters and plot threads that you're like "how was this just a movie and not like a 6 hour miniseries?" it's just very narratively efficient, is the answer
so there's the initial set-up of jeff wanting to watch the leonids and the boys talking him into staying up all night instead of waking up early, then they get bored and all go to get snacks (none of them seem to have parents, which adds to the fun kind of Stand By Me type of vibe), and they get yelled at by the neighbors, they go to a gas station liquor store and there's a whole scene with them messing around in there, jeff has to go to the bathroom and it's a nasty ass gas station bathroom and I don't want to spoil it but he passes out, then they get lost in the woods and have the aforementioned hallucinations, and they eventually end up in an empty football field where they see the meteor shower and honestly at that point it doesn't really feel like a kids' story, it feels more like those late nights in your 20's where you get pretty plastered and everybody ends up at an all night diner or cooking tuna melts on a hotplate or something. that magical hazy drunken feeling of 4am garbage food being the most delicious amazing thing you've ever experienced in your life, that's the feeling of Clarence and the boys watching the meteor shower. it achieves that feeling. or I guess I could have just said "harold & kumar." it's like harold & kumar in 10 minutes.
also they all have a little arc along the way. jeff gets mad at the other two when they get lost, saying he should have just gone to bed like he planned, but by the end he ends up saying that staying up was the best idea ever, and, also, when he's hallucinating he imagines copernicus calling him "jeffrey" and at the end he hesitates when putting in his information on the meteor website and goes "name: jeff... no, jeffrey" then he falls asleep on the 'y ' key. it's kind of perfect. clarence as stated has a wilson the volleyball arc with the toy frog, and sumo basically fights the leaf monsters to a draw and admits defeat, which isn't like crazy impressive but again it's just amazing how much they jammed in



*coughs*

oh and happy thanksgiving. I'm thankful for this episode of clarence, apparently

"I would like to request protection for my hamburgers" said hamburglarclock. "I realize the irony but it is just a name and the loss of my burgers has become a serious problem"

Quote from: PhantomCatClock on November 23, 2024, 07:50:55 PMon second thought, nevermind

hey I was gonna read that it looked like you were pwning robots or something