I found this hilarious because I'm a nerd

[buttplug]

http://flyingmoose.org/tolksarc/theories/cannibal.htm

A recent answer to the Middle-earth test supplied this answer to Question #13:

    13. When the Dwarves of beautiful Khazad-Dum built their Western door, why did they allow it to be inscribed with the insulting name of "Moria" ("Black Pit"), a name that would only be earned long years afterwards?

    They could not understand what Narvi was writing on the door. (After all, Dwarves used Cirth). So it was a practical joke by the Elves.

Which leads me to think that the scene before the Gate of Moria should have gone more like this:

"They say only: The Doors of Durin, Lord of Moria. Speak, friend, and enter. And underneath small and faint is written: I, Narvi, made them. Celebrimbor of Hollin drew these signs. And under that, in little tiny letters, I can just make out: Dwarves are little stunty bowlegged cretins and their women are ugly. And with their poor eyesight and their native stupidity they'll never even be able to read this. Bwah hah hah hah."

Gimli pulled out his axe and began hacking Legolas to pieces. "Ai! Ai!" the Elf cried, but the Dwarf laughed long and heartily. "Baruk Khazad! Khazad ai-menu!" he laughed, and then began singing a cheerful Dwarven battle-song as he hacked the defenseless, once-fair Elf into many pieces.

"What does it mean by speak, friend, and enter?" asked Merry, as he loaned Gimli a cooking-pot...

[buttplug]

Ahahahahah
http://flyingmoose.org/tolksarc/theories/war_babe.htm
When dawn arrived in Rivendell
and painted distant summits red
was Arwen first to heed the bell
and leave her sumptuous Elven bed.
She dressed in chainmail bra and helm
and leather boots of sexy taste;
and bright red garb to overwhelm
all men - a skirt slit to the waist.

She also packed some other things
that she could use when she was done:
a liberated babe who swings
needs contraceptives for her fun.
Fidelity to distant swain
is nonsense to a Valley girl;
an unconventional female thain
will not neglect a well-hung churl.

She then went down to Shadowfax -
a horse too good for wizard fools.
The sun shone in her hair of flax
(forget the book - it's blonde that rules).
She saddled up, took sword in hand
('tis more adorning in that style)
and spurred the horse into the land
where Angmar's King once built his pile.

While riding hell for leather she
did distant darkling specks descry:
some riding with great energy
while others circled in the sky.
The spying crebain she ignored -
who cares for storm-crows and such trash?
But Nazgûl heading for the Ford!
By Eru! Those she'd slice and smash!

She spurred her horse to greater speed
and thundered down to Bruinen's brink.
Upon the other strand she saw
her fiancé from Nazgûl shrink.
"Oh, Estel! Don't you fear!" she cried,
"I'll help you out of this one too.
Once more you'll se what female pride
and strength and caring values do."

The Morgul-chief was seen to glow
in Spirit-world, by evil spell;
but she, with one one resounding blow,
struck off his head, and down he fell.
The other eight, with screams of fright,
suggested that she call it quits,
but she insisted on a fight
(or slaughter), hacking them to bits.

"Oh, Arwen, Arwen," Strider sobbed,
"What would I do if not for thee?"
He looked at her and his heart throbbed,
but she just said: "Well, come and see!
We have a guest in daddy's house,
a hefty guy called Boromir;
and he's not frightened like a mouse;
or sexless like a gelded steer."

"But, Arwen, by our plighted trust -"
he stammered, but she just replied:
"Go find another if you must,
the love I felt for you has died.
Oh yeah, and there's one matter more:
your silly claim to be a king;
it's now another thing of yore,
for Borry will get crowned come spring.

"My daddy thinks it's really cool
to finally get me off his hands.
When I and Borry Gondor rule
dad will know peace in Northern lands:
no questing, butchering, riding wild
and noisy trumpets every place
when (as he says) 'My crazy child
will other lands with sword-play grace.'

"Well, that is that: come, Frodo, here!
You have possession of a thing
that you will now no longer bear:
that really groovy Master Ring.
We'll need it to extend our sway
from Umbar to the Northern Shore."
When Frodo tried to run away
she cut him down, and said no more.

Back towards Imladris she rode,
and of the four she left behind
three knelt by Frodo, but one strode
Bree-wards, then stumbled as if blind.
And so the plot found fitter scope
that cut down on the surplus roles
and made the film producers hope
their work would top in all the polls.

[AMPEEEM]

i dont get it one fucking bit

[buttplug]

Oh god who writes these haha

...         Galadriel
         with long labour  that lucky Gimli,
         on pleasant shores  they played their game
         in morn and noon  and misty night
         with Legolas so gay  in their games so private.
         Their wild sport  in willow meads
         brought joy to Valar  so jaded and vain,
         and Elvenwives  eating bonbons
         while peering deep  in Palantirs
         for morning talk  and moralising shows.
         Yet Frodo ignored  the frolicks and fun
         sitting friendless  on sighing beaches:
         nobody likes  a boring downer.
                     Where claw the mountains
         Celeborn,  that cuckold fool,
         was an aching burden  to Elros and Elrohir
         and garlanded Arwen,  his grandchildren,
         who forsook the West,  that sunny strand
         of endless bliss  and emerald woods
         upon the breast  of pearly beaches;
         who forsook the West  in sincerely hoping
         of hiding free  behind the Dark
         from Celeborn  that cowerring boob.
                     The Doublemint twins,
         the dynamic duo,  the daring bipeds,
         Elros and Elrohir  ...
     
         ...         In a pale ship
         of palm and beech  in bitching purple,
         did Celeborn  cross the Sea
         to greet again  his gracious wife
         Galadriel  who gave so freely
         to weary walkers  worn and tired.
         And giving freely  to Gimli the Dwarf,
         she bounced their bed  while berthed below
         her husband's boat.  "Honey, I'm home,"
         he called at once,  Celeborn,
         while walking through  the willowed grounds.
         So deep their passions  (and so darned loud),
         they never heard  his nervous tread
         on tiled courts  until he came
         to the chamber's door.  How chaste she looked
         as Celeborn  kissed his babe.
         Her loneliness  had left her ill
         and thus explained  her thunderred pulse
         and disarray  of dress and bed.
         He kissed again  and cuddled long,
         blind, benighted,  and blithe to lies.
         In dread and shiverring  and dressed in naught
         but garterred hose  Gimli stood
         upon the parapet  where perched he found
         Bilbo and Sam,  a bunny of Easter,
         a Maia or two,  ...
     
         ...         Galadriel
         with labour long  released her burden;
         her aching womb  was eased of weight.
         Galadriel  the golden braided
         has given life  to a lissome girl
         so fair of face  with furry feet...

PS I always knew Gimli was a playa

[buttplug]

i dont get it one fucking bit

Have you read the LOTR trilogy before?

They are jokes so I don't want to just explain them because then it wont be funny

I probably should have made this thread in Literachur on second thought.

[TequilaClock]

Galadriel you fucking whore

[PropagandaClock]

This thread delivers.

[Roman Collar Clock]

lol

[Asshatclock]

what ?

[BreadfruitClock]

Not getting it

Have you read the LOTR trilogy before?

no

[Clocktopus]

only you

[Mashed Potato Johnson]

nerd check
faggot check

[buttplug]

nerd check
faggot check

Pepino self analysis complete.

Initiating fingering own asshole sequence.

[miracle fruit]

i dont find these hilarious at all

[TequilaClock]

Initiating fingering own asshole sequence.

hahahah

[Mashed Potato Johnson]

Pepino self analysis complete.

Initiating fingering own asshole sequence.