Topcatyo's Sonnets

[Topcatyo]

I wrote some sonnets in Language Arts class today since everybody had to recite one of a group of sonnets given to us (I did Shakespeare's Sonnet 130).  I offered to go first since I had memorized mine in the thirty minutes before class  (I didn't read my sonnet until then) and wanted to get it done before I forgot it.  I got a 99% since I forgot the word "the" on line 13 in the written portion of the whole sonnet memorization.

Anyway, I was bored and had nothing to do for the rest of the class, so, in the spirit of what was going on in class, I wrote a couple sonnets.  I made sure to stick to as many of the rules for sonnets as I could remember, which included the rhyme scheme, having 10 syllables per line, the construction of the sonnets (facts for the first 3 quatrains and a conclusion for the couplet of the Shakespearean sonnet, and problem/dilemma for the octave, ending with a solution or idea for the Petrarchian sonnet), and about love (kinda sorta, I won't do that for all the sonnets I probably write in the future).

So, anyway, here are the sonnets.
And, in true sonnet fashion, here is some lute music to have play while you read the sonnets out loud (those are also a must for sonnets).

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Sonnet 1 is a Shakespearean Sonnet, Sonnet 2 is a Petrarchian Sonnet, and when I do Sonnet 3 it'll be Spencerean.

Sonnet 1
by Ian Newton

I looked at her, and she said straight to me,
"Drop your pants, I'm going to lick your balls."
I thought, as she licked them oh so gently,
How through trials, I found her in the halls.
I was blind drunk and was looking to score.
I was desperate, anything would go.
I had money, cash that was for a whore,
But I met a girl, so it wasn't so.
Our eyes, when they met, we began to kiss,
So strange, a woman I knew not as friend.
The moment, full of passion, I was not remiss,
And, thus, it all led up to this second.
I felt so grand, glad I did not deter.
In the moment's pleasure, I splooged on her.

Sonnet 2
by Ian Newton

I would compare my love to a flower,
But no, flowers have both boy and girl parts
Perhaps one may end where the other starts,
I dwelled on this not up to this hour.
Could she be hermaphrodite, how sour!
Nude I have not seen, so I lack the smarts.
I could not see through both our hearts,
They are known to weild such blinding power.
Perhaps I shall check when notice she not,
The problem: How to avoid being caught.
So, for this information to divulge,
I'll check her pants for an unsightly bulge.
And so, then, in a day's time shall we know,
If pistil and stamen on her be so.

[Wind-up Clock]

Haha nice. Go to the next poetry slam with these.

[Topcatyo]

Haha nice. Go to the next poetry slam with these.

Poetry slam/poetry slam/Poetry Slam?

[Wind-up Clock]

Poetry slam!

[Topcatyo]

Poetry slam!

Ah, sweet.
Unfortunately, I don't think I live near any Poetry Slam locations.

[Topcatyo]

Wrote 4 more in school today.

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Sonnet 3 is Spencerean, the rest are Shakespearean, save for Sonnet 6, which is Petrarchian.

Sonnet 3
by Ian Newton

Baby, how I love you!  But you should know,
My fetish; you'll think I'm not of sound mind.
If you still love me despite all this, though,
Our love will blossom, I think you shall find.
First I must go and catch you from behind,
Carefully, though, we will be by a moat.
Then I will sit on you, gentle and kind,
While you bleat and yell like a billy-goat.
You'll get in the "water", keep us afloat,
Then I'll point my buttocks into the air.
I will next poop out a little toy boat.
I'll be finished now, so we end it there.
We won't speak next day, but do not despair,
I'm doing this all to show you I care.

Sonnet 4
by Ian Newton

I think you are hot, you look really good.
You yourself are sweeter than sugar cubes.
Don't take this personally, but you should,
Make my life easier and shave your pubes.
It's a forest there, like licking my dog.
You keep it natural, that takes courage.
When muff-diving, I see only brown fog,
And for me, sex this does discourage.
I'm trying to be as nice as can be,
But I feel I can hold my tongue no more.
Tired of navigating your shrubbery,
It's growing faster than it did before.
I don't mean to rush, I don't mean to scare,
But hurry it up and wax that shit bare.

Sonnet 5
by Ian Newton

You say "Am I fat?"  I say it's not so,
All it is, is some extra, needed girth.
It's not much, three hundred plus one kilo,
Though you seem, a manatee before birth.
You say "Am I saggy?"  I say not so,
Though your skin does drip like some baggy pants.
A game to see how low your skin can go.
Have you been stretched or kneaded, by some chance?
You say "Am I old?"  I say it's not so,
Although your age is one hundred and one.
Though time's effects on you really do show.
So many sun spots, you could be the sun.
Why do you point flaws out?  Why even try?
I see them still, on the inside I die.

Sonnet 6
by Ian Newton

Our love is forbidden, but it must be
Attention to them, it will be paid not.
Their diff'rencees argued, wars to be fought.
On eye-level, our love people won't see.
You go out of your way to admire a tree.
They say your uncivilized, but you sought,
Trees to enjoy, but they see them as rot.
They don't understand how love can run free.
We love each other, that we surely know.
We know how to enjoy all our passion.
A light of hope shines through the hateful smog,
Through rain, sleet, fog, thunder, lightning, snow,
Our love is no peculiar fashion.
You will always be my good puppy dog.

I think bestiality is hella gross.  Just clarifying.