flea market montgomery: we have the furniture

[Slurpee]

actually they never say in the game that it WEARS its mother's skull they say "aww you have your mother's skull" like you would say about eyes

lol

[PhantomCatClock]

obtained baby's first car




i'm a very late bloomer

[VCRClock]

HAVE FUN CHIPPING ICE OFF YOUR WINDSHIELD UNTIL AUTOMOBILE CULTURE COLLAPSES, SHORTMAN

[RobClock]

obtained baby's first car




i'm a very late bloomer

Honda Civic? Toyota Corolla? Hyundai Elantra?

[PhantomCatClock]

chevy malibu "premier"



i can afford it because it has a billion miles

[PhantomCatClock]

Man, getting ready for bed today, I've been pretty distracted. So, this job is great and I'm perfect for it. People I've barely met have been stopping to encourage me in the hall because I've fixed The Big Stupid Thing That Hasn't Worked In Months twice, now. Two different things! Only, we're contractors, so fitting in here isn't exactly the same thing as things going well for me in The Company. When I was hired, the second-in-command guy broke eye contact and awkwardly said "Well, the position is for a senior developer, and we can't hire you as one of those. We definitely can't pay you as one of those, either." True to his word, they have not been paying me as one. Except, the DESIGNATION LETTER that I had to send to the government for the position was for a senior developer. I agreed to the extra responsibilities of a senior dev and have been doing them—quite well, I might add. One of those things was to get a wholly irrelevant and difficult certification within six months. They're starting to breathe down my neck because I have less than a month left and I don't have it yet. It's over a thousand dollars and I only get reimbursed if I pass, so I need to take time to study. The ACTUAL senior dev, who is quitting very soon, says he had to get a hotel room because the only place to TAKE this test is 6am and a hundred miles away. Fine, I'll do that. I'll study, too. I'm going to try my best at this, sure, except I'm going to be filling out applications on the side, too. The timing is very awkward, because I'm moving next week. Very close by, but it's technically a different state, so on top of being time consuming, this means that I have to register my car in Maine and pay Maine taxes on it, including sales tax, and then get everything transferred next week. The apartment itself is fuck wait what WHAT DID I DO
I JUST PUT HAND SOAP ON MY TOOTHBRUSH
what the FUCK i was standing in front of the sink and I was so distracted that i fucking did the wrong thing. i'm brushing my teeth, not washing my hands. i'm a fuicking IDIOT.
okay, cool, whatever. I stopped at a convenience store this week, grabbed a three pack since I knew my one was dying. Throw that shit in the garbage and open a new one. Heh. For how distracted I am, thinking these pre-bed thoughts, I've never actually shot softsoap on my toothbrush before. This will make a funny forum posT I DID IT AGAIN
GOD DAMMIT I'M SO STUPID I GUESS THIS TOOTHBRUSH IS FOR CLEANING TILES OR SOMETHING NOW ok going to bed good night

[RobClock]

I went and saw Barbie with my girlfriend. I was dying to talk about it, so I wrote down all my thoughts in a blogpost nobody will ever read, and now I feel better. Here's a drawing;


555 https://www.newgrounds.com/art/view/kaijuturtle/flat-foot-barbie

[Slurpee]

if joseph mccarthy ever asks you "are you now or have you ever been a member of the communist party?", and you are a member of the communist party, you can actually still answer "no" without perjuring yourself, because it's ambiguous in the english language whether "or" is parsed as an exclusive "or" or if it's parsed as "and/or"

in an exclusive or, two true statements resolve to false, because it's not a OR b, it's both a AND b
so you could say "no" meaning "no, I am not either currently a member of the communist party or have at some point in the past been a member of the communist party, I both am currently a member of the communist party and have at some point in the past been a member of the communist party"

just a tip in case any of you are communists being questioned by joseph mccarthy

[Slurpee]

do you guys know how Richard I died?
Rob probably? seems like something you would know lol
it's a crazy story

dude was a badass basically, and he was suppressing this piddly little uprising in Le France, and it's going so well he's just kinda strolling. even took off some of his chainmail, according to some accounts, because, it is a biz-cas kind of battle. comes across this actual child in the ramparts of a tower, wielding a frying pan and a crossbow, and he's like "haha holy shit what?"
this kid is the only knight defending the tower. they'd been so unprepared for the fight that they had no soldiers to man this tower or armor to give the small boy that they used instead. gave him a fucking frying pan. English besiegers are laughing their balls off
kid's father and two brothers had died in battle with Richard. he's looking at him from the top of his empty tower with his little crossbow and the fury that only a child looking at his family's killer can have. takes a shot at the king with the crossbow, misses completely
and King Richard is like "hahaha wow. coming at the king when you're just a boy. that's pretty badass, kid."
kid takes another shot, hits him the shoulder. not typically a fatal wound, but a pretty big "OW FUCK" when you aren't expecting someone to actually hit you
the wound turns gangrenous. it's 1199, their medicine is dog shit. Richard the motherfucking Lionheart is dying with no heirs
he orders the kid brought to him
just to be a hell of a guy, in a final act of chivalry, Richard pardons the kid for his own assassination, gives him a hundred shillings, and sends him on his way.*

what the fuck? that's amazing. how is this not like the first story I ever heard
you could watch Robin Hood a dozen times, you would never know that this is what happened to sean connery later



*then later something not that chill might have happened, but I don't like that part of the story

[RobClock]

Dickie the first also captured the entire island of Cyprus on his way to Jerusalem in the Third Crusade, totally incidentally, just happened to wind up on the shore and took the motherfucker over

Dude was a badass, too bad he didn't speak English, bankrupted the country to fund his holy war, and then to ransom his ass out of a foreign dungeon.

The whole Plantagenet dynasty is a fun read

[RobClock]

Completely unrelated but as of a couple months ago every original Sherlock Holmes story has entered the public domain and I think it would be the cats pyjamas if we got some straight text to screen adaptations

[PhantomCatClock]

came straight to clock crew collabs

[VCRClock]

sherlock, but it's AI Sherlock and instead of Watson, Arthur Conan Doyle follows him around trying to stop the brilliant detective from suddenly turning the conversation horny

[VCRClock]

just a tip in case any of you are communists being questioned by joseph mccarthy

i recently read the wikipedia article on Harvey Matsuow and i guess i haven't read many wikipedia articles about FBI informants where the person in question wasn't also like a gangster or something else cool

the idea of anyone calling themselves a Communist actually going anywhere in US politics has been laughable for my entire life, including now, so it's hard to feel as though Matsuow snitching for HUAC actually mattered for any reason at all. but dude's article reads like: decides to be a snitch, gets 30 pieces of silver or whatever, writes a book about it, goes to jail for a couple years because of the book. spends entire rest of life (circa 1960 onward) and "around a dozen" marriages trying to be something other than the snitch guy; Wikipedia article still basically about being the snitch guy

After leaving prison Matusow sought, through a variety of artistic and cultural projects, to put the past behind him. However, having alienated people across the political spectrum (some hated him for his McCarthyite activities, some for his subsequent recantation), he found it impossible to move on. The breaking point came when, having painstakingly compiled a record of more than 200,000 works of art created under the Federal Art Project, he was told by a charitable trust that publishing funds would be made available only if he would withdraw from the project. Matusow responded by dumping all his research material in the Hudson River.

this in particular is such a bonehead move. the options were:
(1) get it published, but he can't have his name on it (or make any money probably) because it's tough to sell a book when nobody respects the author and there's no hatepurchase appeal either
(2) get pissy about it and destroy his work because he's too proud to join the legion of people who put sweat into something and then discover there's no money (or character rehabilitation) in releasing it

option 2 forgoes "eventually being known for uncredited contribution to book" and "people having no idea he contributed to a book" in favor of "being remembered for choosing pissy option." Wikipedia doesn't say if he regrets it, but if I were mostly famous for being an informer, and my later life involved creating a clown persona, I would probably regret having previously dumped a research project into the Hudson River

[PhantomCatClock]

you don't live a life like that and then roll over and play dead the first time someone asks you to



by the power of page 5942 of clock crew's biggest topic, i pardon you mr. matsuow. fuck yeah, take a shit in the river when you're done

[PhantomCatClock]

holy shit, some dude just spent $44bn on Resident Evil 4




Elon Kennedy

[Slurpee]

just a tip in case any of you are communists being questioned by joseph mccarthy

i recently read the wikipedia article on Harvey Matsuow and i guess i haven't read many wikipedia articles about FBI informants where the person in question wasn't also like a gangster or something else cool

the idea of anyone calling themselves a Communist actually going anywhere in US politics has been laughable for my entire life, including now, so it's hard to feel as though Matsuow snitching for HUAC actually mattered for any reason at all. but dude's article reads like: decides to be a snitch, gets 30 pieces of silver or whatever, writes a book about it, goes to jail for a couple years because of the book. spends entire rest of life (circa 1960 onward) and "around a dozen" marriages trying to be something other than the snitch guy; Wikipedia article still basically about being the snitch guy

After leaving prison Matusow sought, through a variety of artistic and cultural projects, to put the past behind him. However, having alienated people across the political spectrum (some hated him for his McCarthyite activities, some for his subsequent recantation), he found it impossible to move on. The breaking point came when, having painstakingly compiled a record of more than 200,000 works of art created under the Federal Art Project, he was told by a charitable trust that publishing funds would be made available only if he would withdraw from the project. Matusow responded by dumping all his research material in the Hudson River.

this in particular is such a bonehead move. the options were:
(1) get it published, but he can't have his name on it (or make any money probably) because it's tough to sell a book when nobody respects the author and there's no hatepurchase appeal either
(2) get pissy about it and destroy his work because he's too proud to join the legion of people who put sweat into something and then discover there's no money (or character rehabilitation) in releasing it

option 2 forgoes "eventually being known for uncredited contribution to book" and "people having no idea he contributed to a book" in favor of "being remembered for choosing pissy option." Wikipedia doesn't say if he regrets it, but if I were mostly famous for being an informer, and my later life involved creating a clown persona, I would probably regret having previously dumped a research project into the Hudson River

has anybody ever been mored owned

[RobClock]

I got all in my feelings about my life a couple weeks ago and made this, haven't shared it with anyone really so im posting it here now
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ek1e_K2_a0A

[Slurpee]

has anybody ever been mored owned

*more

[Slurpee]

man youtube really wants me to get into somebody called brennan lee mulligan and somebody called jerma