gary brolsma meet n greet

[Slurpee]

I do NOT "rally around the family with a pocketful of shells" I don't even know what that means!
do you mean shells like money? like a pep rally? like a pep rally for giving money to poor families that sounds nice actually I don't know why you'd be mad at me for that but no I don't do that

[Slurpee]

this is what the last few posts have been about in fase you're skipping to the last page and you"re like  :

listening to Rage Against the Machine and pretending I'm the one he's mad at and getting really defensive

thank you for enjoying Listening to Rage Against the Machine and Pretending I'm the One He's Mad at and Getting Really Defensive by slurpee

[PhantomCatClock]

it's rage against the squishee machine, not rage against the slurpee machine

[JooceClock]

i feel the anger

[JooceClock]

oh wait that's a raccoon nvm

[PhantomCatClock]

how much would you pay for a full-body legwarmer

[JooceClock]

$5.00 on Temu

[VCRClock]

this is the kind of product that only those accustomed to life's finer things can really appreciate: a full body suit that only warms your legs

those who know, know

[JooceClock]

i think i know why the chicken crossed the road

but i don't want to say it. you guys figure it out.

[Slurpee]

I always thought "why did the chicken cross the road?" was an anti-joke

like you're expecting a play on words (why else it would specifically be a chicken?) but it gives you a prosaic answer of the basic obvious utility of the action of crossing the road

and I think that is the intent

but one time I saw it argued that, since "the other side" is a euphemism for the afterlife, the joke is actually a play on words. - roads are a dangerous place for a flightless bird

and I really don't think that that's what it is, you wouldn't word the joke the way that it's worded if that was the intent, I'm like 90% sure that the first thing that I said is correct

but I've never been able to get it out of my head. it's like when grant morrison said batman is strangling the joker at the end of the killing joke. sure, the internet weirdoes proved that that's not in the script, but it just seems way too plausible and it went unremarked upon for so long that it's just terribly tempting for that part of the brain that loves to pat itself on the back for being in on the secret meaning that everybody else missed 

[JooceClock]

simple jokes have a lot of meaning

[PhantomCatClock]

it's such a old joke, though


there was a joke book from like the 1... i was about to type 1400s but I'm sure it was 1700s


the only joke in it that was close to funny by today's standards read something like, "In what way is a cadaver like a woman? Both make apparent the uncomfortable imperfections of man" and i think that lends a little more credibility to it being an afterlife joke. Not the cadaver joke specifically, but just how humor's changed (keep in mind I can only remember that one because it was the only one that made me laugh, and that was in the context of many, many more that did not even come close. A good environment for that sort of thing)







actually i might've heard that on game grumps. nevermind

AH BUT WHERE I was going with that was i also subscribe to that same thought——no, it isn't, but it's a fun hypothesis. Just, like, I'm never sure enough that it isn't all right there, at the back of my mind, ready for me to examine it again at any point in my life



hey siri when did god die

[RobClock]

Anyone listen to the new post humorous Johnny Cash album?

I've got thoughts. In short, 5/10, enjoyed listening, not liable to return to it often if at all.

[VCRClock]

'ate posthumous releases
simple as

like I make an exception for about one posthumous release if the artist was halfway through cooking something at time of death, but anything beyond that I automatically assume that someone who has the rights to the artist's music (etc) is scraping the bottom of the barrel for demos and sketches that the artist didn't even really like

[RobClock]

Supposedly this was a record Cash had independently recorded after leaving his record label before he was picked up by American in the early 90s

[JooceClock]

Betelgeuse,
Betelgeuse,
Betelgeuse.

[JooceClock]

surfin' the web

[Slurpee]

british people measure sugar for tea in "sugars"
what does that mean?

"how many sugars do you take"

idk man I do about a teaspoon and a half for the big ass 32 floz cup I drink out of because I'm a monster
so I guess that's... 32/8=4, so that's 4 times the size of a normal teacup, 3/2 spoons ÷ 4 = 3/2*1/4= 3/8 of a teaspoon... but the teaspoon I use is an actual like silverware teaspoon that you would use, in america, which is actually about 3 of the measurement teaspoons, so 9/8 tsp... and according to google 1 tsp is about 4.18 grams of granulated sugar, so 4.18*1.125= 4.7025, so about 4.7 grams

???


does that help

is it a sugar cube? it's probably a sugar cube, I don't know why I went through all this. so one I guess, one is my answer

[Slurpee]

E tier
characters like silver age Superman, Hulk, Dr. Manhattan, John Cena circa 2010, the Christian God, Rick Sanchez circa season 3, etc. the dudes who always win because they're insanely op and can basically do anything.

D tier
Bugs Bunny, Screwy Squirrel, the Animaniacs, Conan O'Brien irl, Rick Sanchez circa season 1, etc. lovable rascals who exist specifically to get one over on anyone who's bothering them in 8-22 minutes. if the warner siblings decided God was their special friend and they wanted to call him Dadoo it's over for God

C tier
characters like Yodo Dodo, Squirrel Girl, the original version of Daffy Duck, Batman '66, the looney tunes tortoise.
they win because they step outside of the rules of what's supposed to be possible, because that's funny. Bugs Bunny could wipe the floor with the entire Marvel universe, but he couldn't beat the tortoise, because it's funny that he can't beat him. if Adam West Batman fought Dr. Manhattan it would just cut to him in the car later telling Robin "it's a good thing I had my Bat-Anti-Dr. Manhattan spray" and that would be that

B tier
Popeye. if Batman tried that move on Popeye, Popeye would just pop out of the backseat and uppercut him so hard all the batness would fly out of his body in the form of a cartoon bat while the rest of him went into the stratosphere. you do not fuck with Popeye

A tier
a cartoon housefly. put any one of these characters in the room with a cartoon housefly, they destroy their entire house trying and failing to swat it and end in a weeping pile on the floor. then the fly lands on their nose. iris zoom out.

S tier
Droopy Dog. sorry.
the entire point of Droopy is that he wins. you could blink the universe that he exists in out of existence, and the next time you turned around he'd be standing there, asking for his tip or trying to return your lost luggage or whatever.
Droopy is the one character that the housefly can't defeat. everybody else would try to ignore the fly, and that's why the fly wins- eventually he gets to them. you can't get to droopy. the fly would try to annoy droopy, and you just can't. you end up not just wearing yourself out but losing your mind trying to do something, anything that could phase him, and nothing will. but he doesn't wish to destroy you. Droopy has no malice in his heart, he merely Is.

[Slurpee]

addendum: Goku is a bit of an anomaly
on paper you would think he belongs in E tier, but he's just too pure of a soul to fall into the "being annoyed=funny=loses" dynamic. but he's not a wacky character like those in C tier. in almost all cases he would sportingly wish to fight to see if he can win. he would be evenly matched with Squirrel Girl because it'd be funny that Squirrel Girl can go toe-to-toe with Goku, the housefly? Goku would just open the window and let the housefly out. and it wouldn't even do the hilarious thing where more flies come in or it somehow is just still in the house, because if Goku realizes you have ill intent, he fights you and he wins. he wouldn't fight Droopy at all. but yeah Popeye would kick the shit out of him.