marvel's biggest bone-liner

[PhantomCatClock]

it's okay slurp, you can rest on your laurels knowing you sold 'why do we park in driveways and drive in parkways' to gallagher

[RobClock]

I got out of the shower this morning and as I was combing my hair I hear this unusual cracking sound followed by what I would describe as a flutter. Immediately I panic, thinking for some ungodly reason one of the water lines running under the tub has cracked and is spraying, so I go over to the shower and press my ear to the wall, but this only muffles the sound. I step back and ascertain that whatever it is must be coming from outside so I step up into the tub to peek out the window, and see that a partridge has flown headlong into the fencing I put up for the dog in the backyard, snapped it's neck, and is now frantically flapping its wings on the ground.

Part of me thinks this is a poor omen, but a larger part of me wishes I hadn't needed to leave this morning because I definitely could've cleaned and cooked that bastard instead of throwing him into the woods for the coyotes.


Stupid goddam bird.

[PhantomCatClock]

the spirits were telling you to have a pheasant day at college

[Slurpee]

margaret atsoup

[Slurpee]

thom yorke: I'm... I'm not a creep
*glass cracking*
thom yorke: I'm not a weirdo!
*glass cracking more*
thom yorke: I shouldn't have to wonder what I'm doing here... I belong here!
*glass explodes*

[Slurpee]

I'm your secret admirer. I don't admire you secretly, I admire your secrets. they're very nice

[Slurpee]

shinji: maybe I could love myself
*glass doesn't crack*
ron howard (v.o.): he couldn't

[Slurpee]

today I learned that it doesn't matter "how much" boiling water is boiling, because it's all basically the same temperature no matter how much heat you add past the boiling point. and I didn't learn this by thinking about it and realizing that water can't get hotter than the heat it evaporates without evaporating, I was making soft boiled eggs and found a dozen HOW TO MAKE THE BEST SOFT BOILED EGGS recipes and was like "what do you mean 'bring it to a boil' that seems really imprecise" and then altavistaing "durr durr what is the range of temperatures of boiling water im a smart guy"

[PhantomCatClock]

there's a thing where you get a smaller pot and put it in a pot of boiling water to cook stuff without burning them (that I first heard of in a recipe for chocolate vodka for melting the chocolate but it's so common/important in real cooking that there are specific vessels for doing it with less of a hassle/mess)

[Slurpee]

it's good that the mayor of new york was indicted because anyone who's been paying attention knows he's always saying and doing really weird crap and whatever he crimes he did are probably weird and funny and now he's gonna say a bunch of weird stuff on the national stage and people are gonna be like wtf

and also rule of law or whatever but mostly that more people are going to see how weird he is

[Slurpee]

had an inexplicable urge to go back and listen to dark horse by katy perry. good LORD this song sucked. I mean it is terrible. you get nothing out of listening to it, and I say this as someone who's usually perfectly content to listen to trash and who specifically made a conscious decision to listen to this particular katy perry song. it's bad. bad song.
pop music'a bread and butter is coming up with like 10 seconds of a good song and just beating it into the ground, in and out in 4 minutes before you get sick of it, and this song absolutely does that, it has several parts that totally pluck that ooh one-good-part string ("make me your aphrodiiiiite", "'cause I'm coming ATcha like darrrk horrrse~", "are ya READY FOR READY FOR/a PERFECT STORM PERFECT STORM", "ugh... she's a beast! I call her karma", that entire insistent building DWEEdle DWOOdle four note uhhh whattayacallit. ostinato. during the chorus)
but it somehow makes them all feel just absolutely terrible and add up to NOTHING because after all that build the payoff is that a robot goes "there's no goin back 🤷" and then... it goes back. ? I guess. nothing happens! or worse than nothing happens, it just drops back into this shitty stripped down The Pack ass staccato beat. doot. doot. doot. doot. doot. doot. doot. doo
listen dubstep sucked but at least a bass drop would have been something??
the music video has 3.8 billion with a B views on youtube.

it's like... evil. I seriously think its success is specifically because it doesn't make you feel good when you listen to it. it's so deeply unsatisfying. because one of those three or four good bits gets stuck in your head like it's a real song so you're minding your own business then you're like 'hmhmhm make me your aphrodiiiite- god damn it." then you go listen to it and after the first chorus you're like "ok wow they're really building to it" then the second chorus happens and they just blue ball you again and then it just sort of ends and your brain is like what the fuck. did I miss something? there has to be more here. it's like the anti-bohemian rhapsody, instead of giving you everything it gives you NOTHING 🖕

when the jonas brothers got back together a few years ago their big comeback song had exactly one bar of a good part "dance in the living room" in like a weird monkey island marimba sounding melody and they were like "that's it. that's all we got. half a decade apart and 2 1/2 successful solo careers, this is all we managed to come up with." but at least they knew what crime they were committing so they just hit those 4 notes like literally two dozen times and then end the song early like "yeah we know. sorry. bye." dark horse is like "eh!?,!! hah? nooo, I'm a real song. 🧟 give me a hug im dark horse im song

[PhantomCatClock]

for context here is the song slurpums is talking about

[Slurpee]

lol

[PhantomCatClock]

folkpunk has me thinking of filk

because dec jokes are still fresh right

[PhantomCatClock]

ma'am, the bullroarer was coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE

[Slurpee]

geomping geoacks

[VCRClock]

on a train you can ride coach, and also a coach is someone who trains you

I spent like 20 minutes trying to come up with a joke for these facts and it's just not happening

in soviet russia coach rides you

[Slurpee]

looks like Kris Kristofferson, star of A Star is Born and writer of "Me and Bobby McGee", was in Blade.
those were good movies

[PhantomCatClock]

looks like Kris Kristofferson, star of A Star is Born and writer of "Me and Bobby McGee", was in Blade.
those were good movies

you did it, slurpee. you made your coach riding coach joke

[Slurpee]

I have some reservations about the way they may or may not be introducing the marvel comics character wiccan to the marvel cinematic universe



the fact that this character was the reincarnation of the scarlet witch's son that she previously subconsciously conjured with magic using stray souls from mephisto, and his boyfriend hulkling was the son of the kree captain mar-vell and princess anelle, the heir to the skrull empire, was tidily explained in the comics, as the two of them initially met through the assembly of the young avengers team through an emergency protocol found in the vision's hardware called the avengers failsafe program, which contained information tracing the next generation of avengers through their initially-unknown but clever and unexpectedly revealed connections to previous avengers

however, in the currently running MCU limited streaming series Agatha All Along, the mcu's version of wiccan appears to be getting introduced outside of the context of the avengers failsafe program.
in the 2013 series of the young avengers comic, a controversial fan theory was suggested in-universe by kid loki to be a real possibility, which is that wiccan and his alien emperor boyfriend had actually met due to wiccan's powers as a reality warper subconsciously making it happen. many fans, myself included, do not appreciate this theory, as wiccan and hulkling are one of the most beloved and iconic gay couples in superhero comics, and this theory suggests that hulkling may not have entered into this relationship as an equally conscious and consenting partner, due to the nebulous influences of magic on fate and free will. though writer kieron gillen heavily implied this suggestion to be false and primarily an attempted manipulation by kid loki who was himself unknowingly engaging in reality manipulation that was manifesting nightmare versions of several of the young avengers' past romantic partners, without the context of the avengers failsafe program this theory becomes more likely, as the likelihood of the son of the scarlet witch just so happening to become boyfriends with the hybrid scion of two warring alien empires who just so happens to also be gay seems astronomical without an in-text justification for at least their meeting



bottom line, America: marvel studios and kevin feige should be careful if the unnamed teenaged gay male witch character being introduced in the currently running series Agatha All Along does turn out to be the reincarnated son of the scarlet witch and he meets or has already met his boyfriend, who is the half kree heir to the skrull empire, to frame the circumstances of their meeting as having a reasonable in-text justification other than happenstance, in order to avoid upsetting the uneasy balance between supporters and deniers of the unconfirmed theory that wiccan used his magic to cause them to enter into their romantic relationship