is he dead yet

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Lyric post time!

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Bright's Pale Dry Select Sherry
20% alc. by vol.

       This wine is most widely available in Canada.  It is priced as an economically viable $5 per bottle and packs a 20% whallup.  Pale Dry Select Sherry is definitely one of the most explosive bum wines out there.  As test subjects have reported, Pale Dry Select Sherry is putrid and sickeningly sweet.  However, mixed with Ginger Ale it is tolerable.  Bright's Sherry made our test subject quickly curl up in the fetal position and later wake up and crying.  If you are planning to drink a full bottle or more, make sure you have a sober person that you trust around to take care of you, because you will likely need assistance.

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TUN TUN TUN

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You drunken bastard!

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Jeppson's Malört
?% alc. by vol.

       This foul Sweedish liquor seems to be indigenous to Chicago.  The word "Malört" means wormwood in Sweedish.  The tag line on the label says it all, "Most first-time drinkers of Jeppson Malort reject our liquor. Its strong, sharp taste is not for everyone. Our liquor is rugged and unrelenting (even brutal) to the palate. During almost 60 years of American distribution, we found only 1 out of 49 men will drink Jeppson Malort. During the lifetime of our founder, Carl Jeppson was apt to say, 'My Malort is produced for that unique group of drinkers who disdain light flavor or neutral spirits.' It is not possible to forget our two-fisted liquor. The taste just lingers and lasts - seemingly forever. The first shot is hard to swallow! PERSERVERE [sic]. Make it past two 'shock-glasses' and with the third you could be ours...forever" People write in to us claiming that the flavor is a mixture of tussin, nail polish remover, gasoline, bug spray, varnish remover, and metal with a hint of herbs. The taste powerfully lingers for at least ten minutes.

[Sombra]

Sly Fox
?% alc. by vol.

       This wine is no longer sold, and we have not been able to gather much information about it.  Just looking at the fox's eyes on the label would make one think that it probably causes lazy eyes.

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You're RumClock and now you post stuff about booze!

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Why I never!

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COURTESY OF BUMWINE.COM

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Think about it, young man.

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We have the best wine ever!

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Porto.

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TAKE THAT

[Sombra]

I’m a mighty, mighty man, I’m young and I’m in my prime
I’m a mighty, mighty man, I’m young and I’m in my prime
I don’t pick my jobs I’m ready for any ol’ time.

[Sombra]

Yes, I’m a real young man, a brand new twenty-five
Oh, I’m a real young man, a brand new twenty-five
Well, I’m willing, I’m able, I’m practically much alive.

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Well, I’m six-feet-tall, I ain’t no hand-me-down
Yes, I’m six-feet-tall, and I ain’t no hand me down
Well, I got a gal in town who calls me Good Rockin’ Brown

[Sombra]

Oh, I’m a single man, I really don’t need a wif (Pick up, you gals!)
I’m a single man, and I really don’t need a wife
Yes, I’m gonna stay this way, cause' oh what a wonderful life.

[Sombra]

Oh, I’m a mighty man, I’m young and I’m in my prime
Yes, a mighty, mighty man, I’m young and I’m in my prime
Well, when you want me, holler and I’ll be there on time.

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Oh, no matter what you do you better send for the mighty one
Yes, no matter what you do you better send for the mighty one

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Yeah, I’ll stay on the job, until the job is done.