is he dead yet

[GreyClock]

Do you get it? Because it was so fucking dark. Hahahahahaha!

[FLOUNDERMAN_CLOCK]

watching the sonic movie trailer has reminded me that basic is the weakest insult ever. even silly ninny and goofy gus have more bite.

[FLOUNDERMAN_CLOCK]

also holy shit lopsermen is back

[PhantomCatClock]

god dammit. I wanted the new Sonic movie to fail in that weird kind of relieved-in-advance way where you feel better than someone better than you because of something they said or did (in this case, the director saying Sonic doesn't look fuckin' dumb in this) except Carrey Eggman looks like it will UNFORTUNATELY steal the show



kids/(saying this in the nicest possible way "people who are still fans of the games" are going to hate every second of it, though, so I've still got that going for me

[FLOUNDERMAN_CLOCK]

the trailer makes it out to like the movie is trying to be a please-everybody cookie cutter film with incredibly safe "wacky" and "irreverent" humor we've seen constantly for years now. a watered down jim carrey is perfect for that. I feel worse for movies as a whole than for sonic over this kind of thing. but even with how painfully boringly hollywood it is, they go with a jarring creepy sonic design that will turn everybody away anyways. you like sonic? you're disgusted. dont like/know sonic? You're confused and it's still eerie and uncanny-valley as all hell. also lol at sonic being an alien.

[PhantomCatClock]

i know "mobius" is thrown around in the Archie comics, but don't the games take place on earth anyway? everyone on twitter is all HUUUHEUHTUHUH IT'S WEIRD THAT THEY DID ANOTHER 'POP CULTURE THING GOES TO REAL LIFE EARTH' AND I DON'T LIKE THAT IT'S MYYYY SOOOONIC

[FLOUNDERMAN_CLOCK]

really though I think they're gonna do the mobius thing but treat it like an alternate dimension you go to through the warp rings. that seems like the most straightforward way to bring him into the real world. though I kinda hope he IS really an alien and we get some kind of hedgehog mars attacks situation but all the different hedgehogs are different sonic original characters.

[PhantomCatClock]

Floundermanclock the Hedgehog

[FLOUNDERMAN_CLOCK]

Floundermanclock the Hedgehog

originalgreyballwithredlinesdonotsteal

[PhantomCatClock]

oh shit there probably is a sonic oc that looks like that

I was alluding to the "GOOGLE/DEVIANTART SEARCH [YOURNAME]* THE HEDGEHOG" game that always works






*[/YOURNAME]

[Slurpee]

hi losperman I missed you :*

[FLOUNDERMAN_CLOCK]

so an early build of death stranding just leaked and we got some fascinating information. dont read this if you dont want to be spoiled!

death stranding will be a survival walking simulator with stealth hide and seek segments whenever you get to a place you were walking to. also there's minigames every five minutes of walking where you shave, re-lace your shoes, massage the corns and bone spurs you get from walking, brush your teeth, jack off, and pull out your toenails. there are separate meters for each which must be monitored and maintained at all times or you die. you have some big badass weapons to use in the hide and seek bits, but they're utterly worthless against the monsters because this game is deep and not about violence like all those other games. the game will shame you (storywise) and punish you (gameplaywise) for trying to play it differently.

what kojima meant by "bringing people together" and the game being collaborative, ends up being mandatory facebook twitter weibo and twitch integration. even if you dont have ps plus and cant play multiplayer anyways. all four accounts are required, adding more will give you bonuses. multiplayer will be dark souls style but instead of using a summoning sign, you comment on their facebook wall or tweet at them. the game will hijack your accounts at random points to send your friends cryptic messages and a multiplayer link. they will make sense within the storyline but out of context will make people think you're stalking them. this is also part of the "experience". if you die in the game a part of the landscape will be destroyed across all players sessions, and the game will update your social media accounts to prove it was your fault this happened. even plot important things can be destroyed halting the story for all players.

actual multiplayer will not do anything except allow the other player to pull out your toenails and jack you off, after which the game hijacks all connected social media accounts to tell everyone what you just did. there will be a weak story explanation for this that is never elaborated on. certain areas can only be unlocked if enough people worldwide tweet about it, and the ending will not be unlocked in anyone's game until enough players have posted on social media about the game after buying it. at which point the ending will be released as dlc. the final boss is peter molyneux who reveals the entire experience to have been a stealth fable reboot. kojima himself shows up at farts on you, then the game ends. the credit roll is just hideo kojima's name repeated for thirteen and a half minutes while snake eater plays slightly off key.

[Slurpee]

i know "mobius" is thrown around in the Archie comics, but don't the games take place on earth anyway? everyone on twitter is all HUUUHEUHTUHUH IT'S WEIRD THAT THEY DID ANOTHER 'POP CULTURE THING GOES TO REAL LIFE EARTH' AND I DON'T LIKE THAT IT'S MYYYY SOOOONIC

so back in the day sega of america and sega of japan had two different takes on sonic

america put him on an earth-like planet called mobius that was inhabited by other critters like him- tails, "uncle chuck", a texan rabbot, some kind of effete french aristocrat, and a chipmunk but like a sexy chipmunk that would cause a lot of people some psychological problems down the line, etc and robotnik was taking it over with robots and sonic and co were like an anti-robot guerrilla attack squad

japan for whatever reason always decided sonic just existed alongside normal humans on normal earth and he was just... like I guess he just showed up one day or something idk I have no idea how any of that is supposed to work

the canon never really mattered in the games until sonic adventure, which distinctly put him in the japanese canon and coincidentally sonic immediately became extremely uncool and never recovered, so they might be trying to tap into the version that everybody actually liked and remembers from the early-to-mid 90's with steve urkel voicing sonic and robotnik is called robotnik and not "eggman"

but I also have a developing hypothesis that they're actively trying to manufacture a fascinating disaster
just on the surface of it it really doesn't seem to be the product of somebody trying

[RobClock]

What the fuck was up with them using “gangsters paradise” for a movie about a cartoon rodent that runs quickly?

I also 100% agree with slurpees take on sonics Japanese canon being cringey dumb bullshit that ruined the series forever by crossing the pacific

[PhantomCatClock]

japan for whatever reason always decided sonic just existed alongside normal humans on normal earth and he was just... like I guess he just showed up one day or something idk I have no idea how any of that is supposed to work

the canon never really mattered in the games until sonic adventure, which distinctly put him in the japanese canon and coincidentally sonic immediately became extremely uncool and never recovered,

Yeah, that's what I thought happened. I mean, not the specifics on Japan's/America's versions, that's kinda cool to learn. BUT NO I mean I remember the games becoming less, uh, respected. To the point where I was actually surprised not by how gross Sonic looked in the first teaser, but that they'd do it with something that I figured wasn't even sort of mainstream nowadays, with how the games had been doing.

but I also have a developing hypothesis that they're actively trying to manufacture a fascinating disaster

Oh. Yeah, BUT!â€"

just on the surface of it it really doesn't seem to be the product of somebody trying

Damn, beat me to that, too.

[PhantomCatClock]

I also 100% agree with slurpees take on sonics Japanese canon being cringey dumb bullshit that ruined the series forever by crossing the pacific

I can't get over how I never knew this was exactly what happened, though. I just assumed 3D SONIC GAMES = BAD because I never saw a good one and people seemed to agree with that. This new knowledge is life-changing and people need to know what actually trashed Sonic

[FLOUNDERMAN_CLOCK]

being set in some sort of realistic world never really felt like an issue with sonic adventure. the story is kinda corny but that's about it. and it's earnestly so, like a big dumb fun anime. the world is more of a set piece for sonic to save and fight robotnik in than anything. it never felt weird or out of place. it never felt outright terrible or cynical like this trailer does. I think it wants to be a big dumb fun action comedy but it just isn't good at it. there was a lot of genuine creativity and heart put into the SA games and they outright reveled in the cornyness in SA2. The gameplay had some quirks common to 3d gameplay at the time but they were trying so many new things to make it their big fuck you game for the then next generation that I could forgive six separate gameplay styles not being perfect. sonic heroes got rid of the kinks but also the character and creativity, I fell out of the 3D games after that.

I think for the most part people just dislike SA1 and 2 because other people told them to. not implying that's the case with anyone here, it's just what I tend to see in most parts. you watch some guy play emerald coast badly and fall off shit and die alot, then hear some other guy bitch about it, and then you see some awful fanart and think "wow this must fucking suck". a lot of first party dreamcast games were creative but imperfect, it's hard to get people to play them even if they have a good reputation, but only sonic really got this kind of treatment. at the time people tended to like sonic adventure. hell if you look at forum topics before sonic 06 came out people were actually hyped about that. people just forgot what the public opinion was on sonic before 06 because of how drastically it fucked the franchise. and apparently egoraptor hates the adventure games so a lot of people just copy whatever his opinions are on things. shit, I don't hate zelda just because yahtzee hates it and I love zero punctuation.

anyways the best sonic game is sonic rush 1 cause it has the jet set radio guy doing the music.

[VCRClock]

i know "mobius" is thrown around in the Archie comics, but

little known fact: earth is not archie's home planet

so back in the day sega of america and sega of japan had two different takes on sonic

america put him on an earth-like planet called mobius that was inhabited by other critters like him- tails, "uncle chuck", a texan rabbot, some kind of effete french aristocrat, and a chipmunk but like a sexy chipmunk that would cause a lot of people some psychological problems down the line, etc

I'd really like to understand the minds of people who are like, "uhhh i'm writing a children's show ok, fucken, makeout city"
[u2]k7NC5n2-HB0[/u2]

"yeah as long as tails is there to be the onscreen avatar for their level of emotional development the kids'll be ok"


somewhere out there, there's a ytp I can't fucking find that uses this scene (10:15) from the sonic saturday morning cartoon:
[u2]fOcpVqTYP8k?t=10m14s[/u2]


as I drive to work every day, I pass through an intersection where motherfuckers always be doing this:


in my headcanon, this move is called "the funny shit." no, the FUNNY shit.

[Losperman]

also holy shit lopsermen is back

oh hai

hi losperman I missed you :*

I missed you too! Except... are we friends on social media? I'm friends with several clocks but I've forgotten who's who at this point. 

Also, yeah, I was thinking "am I supposed to be rooting for Eggman? Because I think I'm rooting for Eggman" when I saw that trailer.

[VCRClock]

addendum:

• google comes up with nothing, but I definitely made a clock crew post once about the urkel/sonic/autism conspiracy
• please donate to my indiegogo for a feature length "Sonic Says" film