gary brolsma meet n greet

[Slurpee]

hey, it's me, microsoft word. how many inches would you like your margins to be? no, not from the edge of the page, don't be silly, that would be intuitive and make sense. I mean how many inches from the edge of the printable area? "where's the edge of the printable area?" god you're just full of questions aren't you? you piece of shit. THE PRINTABLE AREA IS WHEREVER IT IS, OKAY? FUCKFACE. SCREW YOU

google docs: [holding him back] dude be cool. be cool

[PhantomCatClock]

use indesign and drag your header wherever you want it



also don't use indesign







I've figured headers out (admittedly because I never make new word docs, i only have to edit them at work) but i wish it didn't try to show off when you pasted stuff

just paste it you pile of horse shit

[PhantomCatClock]

fuckin' apple with their fingers up their nose prancing around on stage, laughing that selecting text makes sense on their OS like fifteen years ago and you'd think that means it's going to be the same on windows



did you want to select everything? you moved a pixel up. Did you want to select the entire document up to, but not including, where your mouse is? you moved it another pixel down. Did you want nothing to change? one pixel up, one pixel down, did you want me to select everything again? don't worry, i'm consistently like this in everything, not just word. web browser, programs written in .net, programs written in vb, java applications. you love this text selection so much that it's the one thing that's consistent in the os

[VCRClock]

"hey Brother I'm a Linux user how do I install the driver for my printer"
"huh? oh. uh, driver. yeah well we've got one, but like you don't really need it, CUPS will figure it out. bespoke drivers are going the way of the horse and carriage anyway. let bygones be bygones. the future is now"

"hey Brother I'm using Windows, why is this Avery label template I printed not lining up with the labels on the sheet"
"did you install the driver"

[PhantomCatClock]

the opensource knockoff wacom driver works better for my huion than the actual huion driver on the same hardware and it gives me one (1) more option



I'd never actually say this to an artist because that option involves the command line and i don't want to get stabbed with a $600 sable-fur paint brush

[zl]

CHAPTER 1

Simon ate his sandwiches two bites at a time. He would take a bite, then another, and only then start to chew.

Kinda fucked up, right? Anyway, I just thought people might want to know.

THE END

[PannacottaClock]

I was going to prepare paneer korma yesterday prepared according to a recipe on the BBC food site, I use the BBC site for most recipes, I don't know why

well I do know it's because I know I can count on that site only containing recipes and no fluff or a stupid story before it, and the recipes on there are more varied than on other sites i know which don't have the stories either but do have the blandness. i may have accidentally created myself a british diet

they carried a lot of spice pastes in the big store but not korma paste so i just took this small packet instead which contained tikka masala spices because i know i like those ones so whatever so I guess I made paneer masala instead, it was still good

[zl]

CHAPTER 1

Simon ate his sandwiches two bites at a time. He would take a bite, then another, and only then start to chew.

Kinda fucked up, right? Anyway, I just thought people might want to know.

THE END

Author's note:
During preparatory research for this piece, a slice of bread was so firmly plastered to the roof of my mouth that its extraction inadvertently trained away my gag reflex. So, hello, boys

[Slurpee]

Author's note:
During preparatory research for this piece, a slice of bread was so firmly plastered to the roof of my mouth that its extraction inadvertently trained away my gag reflex. So, hello, boys

funny you should mention that, one of the weird side effects of my medical treatment was that my gag reflex inexplicably returned, and I can only vaguely remember what I did to suppress it in the first place and haven't felt like putting the work in

maybe I should try the double sandwich bite method

[Slurpee]

one of the weird side effects of my medical treatment was that my gag reflex inexplicably returned

(this information has been sitting in a note on my notes app called "stuff I probably shouldn't post anywhere" for about a year and a half lol)

[PhantomCatClock]

the greater Sverige area

[Slurpee]

partying with émile zola in the j'accuse-i

[VCRClock]

a note on my notes app called "stuff I probably shouldn't post anywhere"

having a note for this puts you in an extremely narrow percentile at the top of human intelligence

[PannacottaClock]

caesarean salad

[PhantomCatClock]

When you upload or input information through Firefox, you hereby grant us a nonexclusive, royalty-free, worldwide license to use that information to help you navigate, experience, and interact with online content as you indicate with your use of Firefox.

People are quick to point out the update, at least:

UPDATE: We've seen a little confusion about the language regarding licenses, so we want to clear that up. We need a license to allow us to make some of the basic functionality of Firefox possible. Without it, we couldn't use information typed into Firefox, for example. It does NOT give us ownership of your data or a right to use it for anything other than what is described in the Privacy Notice.

Oh yeah? The basic functionality of Firefox? You mean going to websites, right? That isn't a lie, is it? Let's look at that Privacy Notice to see how that data's used.


Hey, on second thought, I actually don't need you to use my data at all, for anything, Mozilla.

[PhantomCatClock]

in related news i found a new recipe for the Elixir Of Life And You're Not Depressed Any More but it isn't vegan so you can't have any, sorry

[VCRClock]

when I die you are going to be so glad that Mozilla Firefox harvested my posts to create the vcrclock AI chatbot

[PhantomCatClock]

well yeah that's one of the basic functionalities of firefox that made me start using it in like 2007 when people still called it slowzilla. really glad they kept perspective and never lost sight of the vcrclock ai chatbot

[PhantomCatClock]

did slurpee's seventh wish send me to a alternate universe where indiana jones's hat is really big and it was always really big, but not the brim, the main hat part that's weird to be so big


i am shocked at the bigness of this hat and its size spans different eras

[PhantomCatClock]

i'm begging you, spirits. no more. i'm tired. i'll be good. spare me.