to find what it smelled like? He could've just wiped it or something.

QuoteFirst off, I'm regarded by my friends as a gross faggot, who does disgusting things for attention. WIth that out of the way, maybe you'll be able to empathize with the strange events that have characterized the last few days of my life.

Some guys have been asking how my ass smells, and naturally, I wondered a bit too. As an attention whore, I decided to act on this decidedly idiotic concept, wherein I would report to my friends just how good or bad I clean out my rectum.

So I took this old magic wand from a magic kit I received quite a few years ago, and kind of greased it up with vaseline, olive oil, lotion, and about half a small bottle of KY jelly. Then, as you can imagine, I started to place it in my butt.

I actually got it to go waaaay farther up there than I thought I could, up until it was about seven inches in. I'd never done that before, so my anus was pretty tight, and yeah I was naked from the waste down and started to have a pretty big erection. So anyways I made the mistake of jostling around, and clenching up my rectal muscles, which not only got the thing kind of stuck, but it also pressed up against my prostate gland.

I think all of you probably know what happens when you jostle the prostate by direct stimulation. Yeah, I orgasmed unexpectedly, and it took me such by surprise that I didn't even have time to enjoy it from the shock.

I was in my bathroom when this happened, and my favorite pants were right in the line of fire, so they got sprayed with copious quantities of masculine milk. I don't care what anyone says cum; stains are fucking irreversible. So I was like fuck. But I got some new pants since then, so that doesn't really matter so much.

But that's not even the worst of the story. The shock of the surprise orgasm put me slightly off-balance, and my foot stumbled forward onto my SLIPPERY AND CUM-DRENCHED pants, and I promptly slid backwards, and landed on my ass.

Normally that wouldn't be so bad except that there was a PLASTIC ROD halfway lodged up in my anal cavity, which was further pushed by the impact of the fall. As I gazed out on the white linoleum floor, two or three blood droplets began to drip down the magic wand, and course their way down my perineum and inner thighs.

Not one generally up for embarrassment at a doctor's office after the incident last fall, I simply wadded up a large amount of toilet paper and placed in my tender anus after removing the wand.

Luckily, the blood stopped flowing quickly, but I fear that the impact of the wand on my large intestine and duodenum is as yet unknown. I don't know the source of the blood, and I have been hesitant to poop ever since then, although the one time I did, the pain was present, but minimal.

And lastly, I NEVER EVEN GOT TO WHIFF THE SMELL OF MY INNARDS, because the blood on the wand offset the scent! FUCKING GOD DAMMIT, that pissed me off.

http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/891981

and the follow up

QuoteTo make a long story short, I went to the Doc's office today after the second bout of blood-drippings from my anus (accompanied by renewed pain), because I was really getting worried about my health, and it turns out things are a lot worse than I ever imagined.

When I sat on the dildic wand, after slipping on the semen, it turns out I severely damaged my prostate gland. I collapsed part of the structure that borders the front end of the rectum, and caused a slight tear in the rectal tissue itself.

Long story short, I have to have the prostate removed. That's fucking right, you heard me; a goddamn PROSTATECTOMY.

The doctors tell me that this will unfortunately render me IMPOTENT.

God, I don't know what to do. I'm so fucking stupid for even trying this, and now, whenever I finally find the right girl to make love to, I won't be able to have genetic descendants.

Let my story serve as a cautionary tale to you guys: Your testicles, your prostate, your seminal vesicles; these are precious things. Protect them with your life.

http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/892763

Sucks to be this guy.

*only on the ngbbs

he should have saved the pants, scraped the junk off, and put it in a jar or something.

lol why didnt you post this:

No pity for fucking morons.

Quote from: Ti-83Clock;1301188he should have saved the pants, scraped the junk off, and put it in a jar or something.

lol why didnt you post this:

id have to image tags then. thats too much effort

1. The wand would have smelled like olive oil and lotion fgs.
2. Seminal stains are removable if you use jeans, sucks if you don-t use jeans.
3. Magic touch.

The duodenum is a part of the small intestine, dumbass.

Quote from: Marlix Wright;1301229The duodenum is a part of the small intestine, dumbass.

Isnt it up right next to the stomach?

Quote from: The Hyper;1301231Isnt it up right next to the stomach?

It is the first part that connects to the stomach, yes.

Quote from: Marlix Wright;1301232It is the first part that connects to the stomach, yes.

I would find ironic if the duodenum part was right, it was a real magic wand that could satisfy her mate like crazy.

So did he turn his prostate into some flowers with his magic.

newgrounds...

I laughed out loud. For real.

Stories about shit like that always make me cringe, then lol.

If you believe his story, you're a moronic faggot. End.

Ahhh... If thats true, thats not nice at all.

gahahahaha I'm a edgy teen newgrounders

that would have fucking hurt like a dick in your ass.

oh come on

Quote from: SpinningCubeClock;1301393hurt like a dick in your ass.

nts: straight guys are sissies.