So I've got an e-mail subscription to a self-defense guru.  The subscription is free (and it includes a few free techniques), but he always tries to sell a set of cds that go over the whole system.  Anyway I've been getting emails for the past few months, but today I got a really great e-mail I think everybody should read.  I'll highlight the best parts in blue.

If you are ever going to get into business, this is how you should treat your customers.




Hey Bob
(I told him my name is Bob)
I've got a problem that maybe you could help me with...

Over the past 2 weeks days, I've been sending you TONS of articles,
video lessons, commentary, and other good stuff.

All that AND the opportunity to try my COMPLETE Close Combat
Training package absolutely risk free!

Why haven't you taken me up on this offer?

Because frankly, I'm puzzled.

I thought you wanted to learn how to be a dominant Alpha individual.

I thought you wanted to learn how to physically dominate, humiliate,
or even "take out" anyone who screws with you (or threatens your family!)

Listen, if you're not interested anymore...That's fine with me.

Continue to be a wuss, I couldn't care less.

But do us both a favor and unsubscribe from this email.

'Cause your wasting valuable resources (and my friggen time!) that
could be better spent helping someone who actually wants to improve
their life.
(Because sending automated emails certainly takes a lot of effort)
I get THOUSANDS (not an exaggeration) of people per day who sign
up for this email course, but only a very small percentage of them (like 1.11%)
ever take the definitive action step of becoming trained in Close Combat.

Like I said before, that's fine...The world needs it's sheep.

But if you want to break away from the flock to become one of us...The time is
NOW.

http://www.tryclosecombat.com

You won't be disappointed (And even if you are, you don't have to keep it!)

Fear No Man,

Captain Chris

PS. Holy crapola...stop procratinatin' and get going!
http://www.tryclosecombat.com

I thought you wanted to learn how to be a dominant Alpha individual.

Continue to be a wuss, I couldn't care less.



That's marketing right there!

Why don't you just unsubscribe Bob huh? Why do you have to hit like a little bitch?

Your a Waste of my time bob, your breakin' my balls here

sounds like its staight from the mystery method school of mail-merge

This gentleman, perhaps?
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Phil_Elmore

I read this in the voice of Patrick Warburton. It got progressively angrier until he was shouting most of it.

Please rush your gigantic Close Combat Training package out to me immediately so I can walk the streets with NO FEAR in my heart - because I know that I'll be able to take on (and destroy) any fighter or criminal thug, anywhere, under any circumstances.

Sounds like you could go on a never-ending rape spree if you buy his close combat shit.