heres my unfinished movie http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/564695

i am dissapointed in myself!!!! I AM SORRY I LET EVERYONE DOWN IM JSUT TOO TIRED 2 ANIMATE THIS RIGHT NOWWWWW AHHHHHHHHHh ill finish it later ):

5 hour energy, babygirl! You must complete this epic adventure!

its so suspenseful! i am writing this as i watch!!! HURRY MR MITTENS!

EAT THAT BREAD BE CAREFUL
OH MAN THOSE ARE SCARY PUGS haha i like the part where he smells the air.

now it is only imagination story. and done. 5555555555

also thanks for the co : )

i will finish it just not today! i can barely thinkkkkk i literally didnt sleep at all last night and my brain is like GO TO BED OR ILL KILL YOU RIGHT NOWW

ty clockradioclock you are the best flash person i know!!!

Sunny Kitten makes me :3

5'ddd

5'd! YOU HAVE TO FINISH THIS PLEASE IT IS SO SUSPENSFUL AAAAHHH!

5'd 5'd 5'd

I think it's better that you didn't finish it actually. It makes it ten times better.

I was passed over for co-authoring despite the fact that the old mystic gypsy cat was the BOMB.

no i just dont have u on my friends list or w/e!! im sorry ;-; ANYONE WHO DOESNT HAVE ME ON THEIR FRIENDS SHOULD ADD ME SO I CAN U TO THE LIST IF  YOU WERE IN IT

the suspense is killing me!
5ived also...

hey guys i think someone is mad or something xD

The animation was lazy at best. The voice acting was drone. The writing was poor. Every attempt at humor was thrown off by obviously stupid gags.


I am going to assume that this project was made in the aforementioned 24 hr. period in the comments. If this is true then you should have just taken time on it instead of hastily submitting this schlock. Regardless of the many flaws, you seem to have something going on behind the scenes that could hold all this together. So if you will be patient with my frustration in watching so many times, I will do my best to help you out. I suggest dropping a second part to it and revamping the whole thing.

Now I haven't been steeped in the newgrounds community very thoroughly, but I think you had reference to clockcrew animation, yes? Don't do that. The thing next to the faces to show talking; drop it. Bother to animate their mouths to some extent. Even having so much as scribbles moving on the right part of the face would be enough.
Beyond that, there really isn't much animation going on. Which would be fine, of course if the stills were drawn better. I've seen better in stick-animation. The best animation I did see was in the little blinking there was. It was appropriate in timing to let the viewer know Mr. Mittens he was getting bored. If you could bring the rest of this cartoon up to the quality of that animation, this flash would look way better.

Oh dear lord the writing. Anywho, the story seemed liken to the laziest "I can haz cheezburger?" version of Lord of the Rings I've ever seen. But LotR had a backstory and it actually ended. (Four times in fact.) The biggest problem I had with it was the bad guy. A story about being a hero and defeating an enemy erupted from no where. A villain was introduced by the "hero" while the audience had to draw from nothing. This could have been solved in one of two easy ways. In the beginning you could have mentioned that maybe the kitty kingdom worked hard to preserve its kitty utopia after having escaped the grip of the pug king. Or, in the dialogue between Mr. Mittens and the old cat, instead of the hero revealing the villain the old cat that had knowledge of this -yet-to-unfold mystery could have told us. In this manner, we the audience can feel some surprise to a new terror as opposed to feeling out of the loop.

The greater problem however lies in the dialogue. "Hey buddy you listenin' to me or are you just ingnorin' everything I'm sayin'?" "Mr. Mittens walked alone. He was alone and he never felt alone so he wasn't used to feeling alone." (I paraphrased, but that's what I got out of that.) "Bring only bread and water and your necessities..." And my favorite line," The jackets EMBEZZLED with rubies, etc. etc...." Embezzled huh? That's why you don't rush things. In case you still don't get it, it's 'emblazoned' not 'embezzled'.
Those are just a few examples of course. These are lines that could have been written better or just never said. I think it was rather pointless to point out that Mr. Mittens knew what to expect when he picked up the crystal. Lines like "Bring only bread and water and your necessities" could be shortened to "Bring only what you need." It's almost cliche but serves it's purpose. Short and direct. Lines like, "Are you listenin' to me..." Could have been given some gag. Something like, "Are you listenin' to me or you already neck deep in the shit I'm going to put you in if you aren't!" More to the point, put some emotion into the writing. Make the dialogue pop where it needs to and subtle where it should be. For example, the britishy story book narration I think you were going for; something akin to the first narrator for Winnie the pooh, should have remained a calm and composed voice throughout. The narrator, at least in my opinion, broke character when the old cat arrived and never went back like he was afterward. Unlike the narrator, the catnip miner could have been a bit more aggressive.

Right, Im running out of characters again, so I'll PM the rest to the producer.



and a PM
At 16 hours ago, sumova wrote:
: As mentioned in the subject this is a continuation from my review of Mr. Mittens and the AHHH. So if you haven't already, go read that first.
:
: Essentially, most of the narration and dialogue is written in the manner of unnecessary reference to the mood characters and hastily setting up a story from scratch. Take your time and elude to the past of kittyville and Mr. Mittens. Give some direction into the plot rather than making formless and random events. Rewrite this so that the story revolves around the hero and the audience isn't left out of the inner and outer workings of the plot.
:
: Finally, the voice acting... well you might need to find new actors. For all they tried, I could have sworn I heard only two maybe three people talking. The best of the acting lay with Mr. Mittens and the mysterious old cat. The voices weren't overdone or stressed much at all. In fact, the best acting may have been the interaction between the old cat and Mr. Mittens. Still, when I say best, that doesn't mean great. It means that it was the best in this flash, which isn't saying much. Though I feel that those characters don't really need a lot of work.
:
: The narrator, the catnip miner, and the pug riders were all terrible. The narrator drawled through almost all of the flash. He sounded as if he were half awake or working through the remnants of a stroke. It was boorish to say the least. The flash was very hard to watch because the first half of the narration was so bad. I suggest watching the first narrator of winnie the pooh, if that's what you're going for.
:
: For the rest, I suggest watching any episode of Family Guy thoroughly. Note how almost every character is distinct and immediately identifiable. This is what you should aim for. It sounded as if the catnip miner and the old cat were the same voice and the narrator did the voices for both pugs. The catnip miner could have been a slower, older, meaner sort of voice. Not a washed up retired blues band member from new orleans. Likewise the pug riders shouldn't sound like frustrated circa 1775 british soldiers confused as to whether they should go with american king's english (attempt at peusdo Shakespearean speech) or modern "first-class" english. Just to save time, I don't think they should bother trying to use an english accent at all. Instead I suggest the pugs talk in the manner of a drawled lisp. This would better suit the imagination of how one might think a pug would talk if it could.
:
: It needs so much work because right now it's a piece of crap on a stick. Still, I'm trying to help because I believe this project could be much better than this. I hope you do better next time. Good luck.
:
: Oh, and as I'm going to suggest to everyone who makes more than 2 minutes of movie, give us the option of scene selection. As much as I hated to, I watched that whole cartoon at least eight times over. It was mainly because it was so long and boring, that my thoughts drifted often and I forgot many things. Speaking of length, when I make reviews this long I tend to forget some things and rant a bit. So if anything isn't clear or you want to know about something I didn't mention, please ask and I'll answer what I can.
:
: Again, Good luck.

an elaborate troll or do they really care? I DUNNO WHAT I SHOULD REPLY WITH!

Quote from: K3LTR0N;1811659an elaborate troll or do they really care? I DUNNO WHAT I SHOULD REPLY WITH!

"ur gay"

clocks don't take NG reviews seriously

k i went wth your gay lol

Reply with one word.

"incereasinly"


He'll know what it means.


(He and I have had words before. He likes to PM people.)

oh 'tl;dr' would have worked well too

Quote from: Pop-Tart Clock;1811664Reply with one word.

"incereasinly"


He'll know what it means.


(He and I have had words before. He likes to PM people.)

he's one of those types eh

i sent friend buddy thing

graceful failure LOL:)
5/5 10/10