I try not to poop outside of my house if I can help it but sometimes it is what it is. I don't like the bathroom in the back because there's like one stall and it's creepy.

Besides other employees are in and out of there all the time and they can recognize you by your shoes and I'm always afraid if I smell up the place, people will think poorly of me.

Up front is the best place to go poop. Spacious. Smells like lilacs because the customers get air fresheners. I work overnight and though we are still open, there are very few customers. It's a four minute walk from the back where I work so just the travel time eats up most my break.

Last week I made the trek up to the nicer bathroom. I had held in the poop for at least an hour at that point. Funny thing about poop is, when your brain realizes you are on your way to the bathroom your intestines start letting the poop descend completely unwillingly. By the time I get to the bathroom, there's no clinching it back in.

I get there and I see that someone else has had the same idea to use this bathroom. I can recognize by the shoes that it's Ray.

I hesitate because what if I smell up the place? I don't want Ray to think poorly of me.

But there's no way to hold it. I take the stall furthest from Ray like it makes a difference.

We say nothing. Ray finishes up and exits. I notice that he ran the water long enough to rinse his hands.... but there's no way he used soap or anything. Eww.

I look at my phone. I have like 4 minutes to finish up and head back to the time clock before I risk being late back from break. There's no rule saying I can't go poop while on the clock.... but it seems whenever I do that... within 2 mins they are paging me. "David dial 611, David 611."

I reach for the toilet paper and fuck it all to hell it's empty. Seriously?

I barely pull my pants up. I scurry into the next stall to wipe. Again, NO PAPER? Is this really happening?

My asshole is now getting this burny, itchy sensation. It's the most uncomfortable feeling in recent memory. I waddle to the last stall.

Guess what? No. Fucking. Toilet. Paper.

I wipe with the paper towels that looks like butcher paper. I wet it a little in the sink so it's at least a little softer. I'm late getting punched back in and will be issued a "point" though I don't even know what the consequences to points are.

And I now think very poorly of Ray.

So I've been a little sick, lately, and almost immediately after reading about the football-sized dump here, I run to the bathroom and have one of those shits where it's pretty much all out the second your ass touches the seat and you feel like there's a hole in your gut. You know the kind. Anyway, I'm clearly nowhere near done but I think I might need to flush pre-emptively to avoid complications and LO AND BEHOLD there is a chocolate soft-serve football in the toilet. The size and shape of a football. Clearly I am a poop craftsman and next time I drop one I'm going to be thinking about dice to see if I can lay a cubic turd.

Just whatever you do don't think of a douchey Irish lead singer. The last thing we need is two of them running around.

Quote from: SpudClock;1980310Just whatever you do don't think of a douchey Irish lead singer. The last thing we need is two of them running around.

good one!

south park rules

poptart I enjoyed reading your story full of suspense! I give it an 8/10

Jews don't poop.

One time I went to a rest stop cuz I had diarrhea.  I took a huge shit then went back to my car.  When I got back in, I realized I had to go again and started waddeling back to the toilet.  I shit my pants on the way there.

ITT: Pooptartclock

It was a cold night in 2013 I think
I went downstairs and placed my hairy ass on the cold seat.
At first I was surprised about the size and volume I felt squeezing out my anus, then it quickly turned into fear.
It was going to happen to me.. I knew there was no return.
The sheer length of the turd forced me to stand up in order to release it and cast it into it's porcelain cage.
I closed my eyes and felt the poop starting to topple after it was freed
When it fell it hit my nutsack before smashing into the side of the seat.
The stink never washed off completely and it changed me as a man.

tl;dr a long turd hit my nutsack

I'm just gonna steal mine from the post I made on reddit about it:

I had just finished up my lunch and was cleaning up the kitchen when a familiar pressure started in my gut. "Time to poop!" I announce to an empty apartment.

I grab my phone so I can browse reddit while I take a nice relaxing deuce, then it's a shower and off to hit the town for some beer and a haircut.

As soon as my cheeks hit the seat and I relax my sphincter, it was like a dam burst. With a sound not dissimilar from a bathtub filling up, I release yesterdays meals with a satisfying woosh.

And then it's done. 20 seconds tops. It was a huge dump, easily two pounds, and it wasn't particularly loose either. Just a pile of 8 solid logs sitting in the basin of the toilet.

I cleaned up, showered, and now I'm off to go about my day ten minutes ahead of schedule. Thank you, kale!

Oh I know this one, I know this one for sure.

I was 16, vacation in Tunisia with my two brothers, one 2 years older (18) and one 6 years olders (22).

We went out, ate dinner. For some reason I came up with the brilliant idea of ordering a double burger in Tunisia.

We then went partying, we split 24 beers in between ourselves.... I got the most shitfaced being the youngest, as well as the most avid drinker due to the urge to prove myself.

Fastforward dull stuff like making out, dancing etc, to the point I feel like I'm dying and just stumble into a cab. I think I didn't ask the cab driver to stop so I could puke, but I remember the feeling of the streetlights, they were like a wave of heat, sound and light with every passing. I was just laying in the seat focusing on not puking.

Get home. That toilet had no chance, whilst molesting it with my anals painful juices, I was projectile-puking in the sink. This went on and off for over 5 plus hours, when my brothers came home and knocked on the door asking to use the toilet I told them I was busy. As I came out I was shivering, cold-sweating across my entire body with driblets. "Wow you weren't joking huh."

I've never felt so weak and futile as in that moment, worst part was at 05:00 I noticed we had no water, so I had to walk like 800m to buy it AND I COULDNT AFFORD IT, so I managed to haggle it down... I think they noticed the fact that I looked like a dying corpse.

Good times!

i got one brewin'