listen

in the original Resident Evil 4 for the Game Cube, there was a cool under-remarked-upon feature where Leon during curscenes would be wielding whatever gun the player had equipped when the cutscene started. when they ported the game to PS2, it quietly lost this feature, because the PS2 had weaker rendering power than the GameCube, so they had to switch to prerendered cinematics instead of real-time cutscenes... but the PS2 had extra content that the GameCube version didn't, including the Separate Ways side story, so there was no way to see this extra content with real-time cutscenes and the dynamic "equipped gun" feature. future ports of the game, like Nintendo Wii, the 2011 HD remaster for PS3/Xbox 360, and the 2014 Ultra HD port for PC, typically wanted to include Separate Ways, of course, so they built on the PS2 code
consequently, even though these later systems were, unlike the PS2, easily powerful enough to render cutscenes in real time, no versions of the game after the original GameCube release had the dynamic cutscenes


OKAY?

i've seen those cutscenes with every gun

oh yeah? name 3 of their albums

I hate relative dates almost as much as I hate infinite scrolling

everything beyond a year collapses into "1 year ago" and you have no idea if they round up or if it means at a minimum so "2 years" could be anything from 183 days ago to 730
and of what fucking use is it?
nobody thinks of any date as "____ months/years ago"
it's so fucking stupid. that's the opposite of the way people work. you hear "september 11, 2001" and if you need to you can, in an instant go "26-1=25, april is before september, so 24 years" and if you needed to it would take an additi9nal instant to go "and 5 months"

if I told you "8 months ago" would you immediately know what I was talking about? no, you'd have to count. months. BACKWARDS. FUCK YOU.
if I told you "last september" would you think "september 2025" or "7 months ago"?

all it does is makes things harder to find, that's literally it
god web 2.0 was a mistake
everything about it sucks so bad take me back spirit

i just assumed that means i clicked that page the second it turned one year old

you aren't reading the same pages twice, are you

I don't have to answer that 

in groundhog day when rita says she studied 19th century french poetry and bill murray laughs and says "what a waste of time" I agreed with him for a really long time, but I realized that nowadays I would have... like, so many questions
because english language poetry is typically accentual-syllabic, but french is not a stress-timed language, so how does their poetry even work? I have no idea
and 19th century france was one of the most tumultuous places and times in human history, that's when the first republic became the first empire with the rise of napoleon, then the fall of napoleon and the restoration of the house of bourbon, then the july monarchy... something something something, then the beginning of the third republic and bell epoque- studying poetry over the course of that time period is probably as crazy as like studying american music before during and after the war in vietnam, but with way more peaks and valleys and over a way longer period of time... but why the fuck did she study that? how did she get into it?and how the fuck did she go from studying that to being a television news producer?

the solution to today's (yesterday's) spots.wtf is really pretty. just a pretty combination of colors. should be a flag

thinking about decapitation

man that's fucked up. what a shitty thing to do to someone

if it probably didn't hurt your neck so much it actually sounds kinda relaxing if you don't think about it

Quote from: Slurpee on April 29, 2026, 01:56:56 AMthe solution to today's (yesterday's) spots.wtf is really pretty. just a pretty combination of colors. should be a flag

something about these colors just seems to fit together real snug-like

sixlets

ok so she's a bigot and a thousand hells await her but if wb comes out with a Air Bud Quidditch Special, you know i'll have to give a little bit of money to the brand

I saw a youtube video about how the air bud brand is in trouble due to the actions of a careless man but I didn't click it

which is to say, an air bud quidditch movie today might not live up to the high standards air bud deserves

I'm trying to come up with a dog-related pun for a quidditch air bud movie (ala Golden Receiver, World Pup, Seventh Inning Fetch)

here's the thing
if we were talking about something that plausibly could have come out on DVD in 2003, it would definitely be something like Wizard of Paws, Golden Sniffer, Golden Fetch

but my brain came up with "Snitch Better Have My Buddy" and

air-as-in-flying bud

mr. president there's nothing in the rulebook that says a dog can't buy out a struggling airline

snoop dogg is on line 2

I don't understand the Groucho Marx joke, "well either he's dead or my watch has stopped", from A Day at the Races

a clip of it, from The Clip Cafe: https://clip.cafe/a-day-at-the-races-1937/either-hes-dead-my-watch-stopped/

he's ostensibly checking Harpo's pulse and staring at his pocket watch. Harpo is totally alive, and Groucho stares wordlessly at his pocket watch as if he's counting heartbeats. in the full scene, he squints at the watch, leans to get a closer look, pauses for a bit, then says, "either he's dead, or my watch has stopped"

?????
I don't understand

is it just me?

I feel like the gag has to be, like, Homer Simpson logic, you see what he's thinking, and it's absurd but it "makes sense" in an absurd way
which would mean that whatever Dr. Hackenbush is experiencing, there are only two explanations: either Harpo is dead, or his watch has stopped
from his actions, and the fact that Harpo is alive, it seems like his watch is in fact stopped
but what information was he receiving in that moment that would make him think Harpo being dead is an equally plausible explanation?

if his watch stopped, the problem would be that the number of beats he feels is way higher than it should be, because with the minute hand not advancing, he wouldn't know when to stop counting
if he said, "well either he has tachycardia or my watch has stopped," that would make sense, but he doesn't

so suppose he's taking the pulse wrong and doesn't feel a heartbeat at all... then, how does the watch come into it? a stopped watch wouldn't explain why he's not feeling a pulse.
if he said "well either he's dead or I don't know how to take a pulse" that would make sense, but he doesn't

is it a meta joke?
is the gag that he takes the pulse for so long that, from an audience perspective, the only explanations for why it's taking so long are that either he can't feel a pulse or there's so ething wrong with his watch? how is that funny?



seriously, am I alone, or is this like the Cow Tools of Groucho Marx jokes?




I think it bothers me because every other classic Groucho Marx joke that gets quoted all the time, I "get", and they're all clever and work great

"I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I'll never know."
great joke. grammar misdirect. you assume he meant he was in his pajamas

"I don't want to be part of any club that would have me as a member"
wonderful absurdity. a play on the somewhat elitist notion of refusing company because of the company they keep, but turning it on its head, implying he views himself as unacceptable company. very funny

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."
great
great joke
I feel like I don't even have to explain these, they're so obvious and they just work

"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."

these are all classic comedy masterpieces

why does the watch joke elude me?help


help me