One time I nearly drowned

[MonsterMunch]

Awhile back I was on holiday in Majorca in the Mediterranean with a bunch of my friends. One very hot and sunny afternoon we decided that instead of just sitting around the pool getting drunk, we should go the nearby beach and go tombstoning. "Tombstoning" for those who don't know is jumping off a small cliff into the ocean where you make your body as straight and vertical as possible in the air so that you don't hurt yourself when you land. I had never done this before and was a bit nervous but I was up for it anyway.

We arrive at the cliff which was about 40ft and 50ft. There was nothing but water at the bottom so there was no risk of hitting a jagged rock, plus there were already a dozen other people there jumping off so it seemed safe enough as long as you didn't mess up your landing. We hung around for a short while before we started jumping off. Two of my friends jumped before me, emerging from the water laughing and screaming "that was awesome!". I built up some inner-confidence and went towards the ledge.

I saw my two friends swimming back to the beach so the area was clear. I stand right at the edge about to jump when part of the rock I was stood on suddenly crumbles and I slip horrifically off the cliff. I fall about 40ft and land on my side. When I floated to the top of the water I realized then that I could not move my left arm or left leg. I frantically tried to keep my head above water but I was really struggling. Nobody at the top of the rock had noticed me struggling, in fact they never noticed me jump so they had no idea I was down there.

I struggled and panicked like I have never done before. I thought I was going to die. But then out of nowhere a strong but feminine arm pulled my head above the water and threw my arm over her shoulder and started swimming back to shore. When I realized what was happening I noticed it was the life guard on the beach that had noticed me and was rescuing me. In a strange moment I couldn't help notice her beauty, she had smooth tan skin and magnificent hazel hair that shined in the sunlight.

Once we were on shore she signalled to the other lifeguard to call an ambulance as I may have broken my arm and/or leg. Once I quit coughing sea water I looked into her pale, green eyes. It all dawned on me what had just happened. I said to her whilst getting my breathe back, "You...you just saved my life!". She smiled and said in a soft, spanish accent "It's my job". I was still in shock and a bit light headed. I said to her, "Is there anything I can do to repay you?". She looked at me silently for a moment then said "well there is something you could do for me". Surprised by her answer I enquired "what is it?". She gazed directly into my eyes and in a completely different voice she answered "I need about tree diddy!"

Well it was about this time I noticed that this beautiful, spanish lifeguard was about 8 stories tall and was a crustacean from the protozoic era.

That goddamn Loch Ness Monster had tricked me again!

[WrenchClock]

that's a good meme dude

[MonsterMunch]

Can you go five minutes without pissing on my fucking bonfire?

[Sinister Clock]

Me too.

[GreyClock]

I got caught in a riptide once. I was still pretty young, about seven or eight, tired and all alone. I was having trouble staying afloat, desperately spitting out the salty water. I saw these two kids, they were about my age and at some distance from me. I yelled at them and even though they were also in trouble they noticed me and I managed to make my way to them and the three of us held hands. I can't remember how long we held on, but out of nowhere this lifeguard showed up and he grabbed all three of us: he put one under each arm and told the third to grab on to his neck. He made his way to the beach, carrying us. After we set foot on dry land we quickly scattered and never saw each other again, but at least we didn't drown that day.