Mission: Get me pooping. Interactive pooping

[Kodiakclock]

Cool, a namedrop. I can't remember what I did that earned me this honor, but still. Anyway, my suggestion:

1. relax your butt muscles
2. take several deep breaths
3. Pass out.

[Thor]

How many sheets of toilet paper do you have exactly? Are we talkin single or double ply?

[SwirlberryClock]

Drink your poop with Jack Daniels and barbecue sauce.

[ProqagandaClock]

Oh boy I love TriangleClocks and pooping, this thread couldn't get better!

Try to squeeze it out so that it touches the water whilst it is still inside of you!

[PEANUTBUTTERCLOCK]

Poop in the upper part of the toilet and just dont whipe your butt to conseve toilet paper

[Thor]

When you're done pooping just wipe a little then waddle over to the bathtub and turn the water on full blast and stick your butt underneath. You'll be clean in seconds

[F U Clock]

Poop in the squatting position, as our bodies were intended to. The poop will simply flow from you as if your anus were a sluice.

[FLOUNDERMAN_CLOCK]

Make sure to pee after you poop not before, or else the poop will splash the pee water up on your butt.

[Kodiakclock]

is there any way i can interact you to go to the store and buy a bottle of laxatives to really get things going?

[patriotclock]

put head in toilet

[Kodiakclock]

oh yeah i forgot it was sunday disregard previous post

the Dulcolax looks pretty good id go with that

[Kodiakclock]

Mix one part of Natures Remedy with one part of the Swiss Kriss with two parts of Exlaxx. I call it the Chilean Grocery store.

[Thor]

Don't go mixin laxatives, my brother died that way

[Kodiakclock]

Pure Genius.

I'll do this once the toilet water stops spinning.

So did you mix it yet? Is it any good?

[TelephoneClock]

Pure Genius.

I'll do this once the toilet water stops spinning.

oh god I lost it at this part

[ProqagandaClock]

I love this topic

Make sure to pee after you poop not before, or else the poop will splash the pee water up on your butt.

hate when that happen

[DickTree]

Get the ambulance on the line as a back up.

(In case you shit out part of your lower intestine.)

[DickTree]

clamclock is a sexy beast

[TelephoneClock]

This is what I have to work with:

Yes that air freshener's name is "Mount Gay Air". I've got enough poop to fill the toilet 1.25 times. That pee is some cheap sparkling.

I must say, you suck at leaving your seat down for pooping

[Kodiakclock]

I was wondering if anyone would comment that.
Yeah but I wanted the godamn seat up because have you ever tried to squatting with the seat down?

Well if you're squatting it's one story, sitting is another. What I'd have done is open the toilet prior to shitting and maybe given the turd a soft pinch at the beginning so it squishes up a lot more, wait a little while you flush the toilet and then squat on the lavatory without the seat. Sure it would get all over your bathroom, but at least you wouldn't have to fight with it at the top of your butt!

Also, I have 2 bottles of Swiss Kriss that I'm pounding down tonight.