uncanny x-men #217 thread

[Slurpee]

you are CAIN MARKO. you're in scotland for work, and you almost hit some jaywalkers



one of them insanely gets on a motorcycle and starts chasing you



you're like wtf
you step out of the car and activate the cyttorak crystal, becoming The Unstoppable Juggernaut. she just crashes her motorcycle directly into your parked car



you're like HEY. THE FUCK? YOU BETTER START TALKING.

and she's like "I'm Kylie Minogue."


and you're like "oh my god, Kylie Minogue!? I'm your biggest fan! 🤩"


she slashes your tires and tries to drug you




you're like "you'd better stop that, kylie minogue. I'm actually the juggernaut and you're pissing me off" then she tries to blind you and bury you under an avalanche, which you easily smash


then she falls off a cliff into the ocean like a dipshit


you go down and yank her out of the water


you're like "kylie minogue CALM DOWN you're a singer." and she's like "FUCK CALLISTO! AIEEEEEEEEEEE" and shoots you with lasers and you're like "argh god fuck who's callisto???"


she just starts blasting you with every one of her zam zark lasers and you're like for fucks sake woman what part of "the unstoppable juggernaut" were you confused about


and you're like "are you done??? listen, you'll always be a superstar to me "
then she drops dead



and you're like "kylie minogue!!! noooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!"



...? um, oh! the end.

[PhantomCatClock]

that emotional pain was enough to activate the Juggernaut's latent mutant abilities—talking to bees

[VCRClock]

well, you know, never meet your heroes

[FLOUNDERMAN_CLOCK]

I can't tell if he's gesturing towards dazzler in the last panel or holding her like a video game character holds an item they just found and it just kinda floats in their hands a bit.

[JsClock]

The face sure feels ultra weird for a dead body.