Ok wtf (officially renamed "The Adventures of Sylvester K")

[BoulderClock]

Chapter I
This is a technical support chat i had tonight.
Me: hello?
Sylvester K: Welcome to HP Total Care for Presario Desktops. My name is Sylvester K. How may I assist you today?
Me: Hi
Me: whenever i play a game or use programs that take alot of memore
Me: my computer begins to make a loud buzzing noise
Me: so far its caused no problems in my performence but its a bit annoying
Me: is there anything i could do to solve this problem?
Sylvester K: Is the model number of the computer with this issue SR1030NX ?
Me: yes
Sylvester K: Thank you for confirming the model number.
Sylvester K: I understand that the computer makes a loud buzzing sound only while playing games/video or applications that take a lot of memory. Otherwise this sound is not produced.
Sylvester K: Am I right?
Me: correct
Sylvester K: When the issue first occur?
Me: a few months ago
Me: what is wrong with it?
Sylvester K: Have you checked if there are any dirt accumulated on the CPU Fan?
Me: i have sprayed it out with dust off
Sylvester K: And also let me know if the tower gets heated up and/or the computer freezes while playing the games.
Me: the tower heats up in the back but not in the front, and there is no freezing during games
Sylvester K: Okay
Me: is it fixable?
Sylvester K: Alec, the computer making a loud buzzing sound is due the high graphics intensive application putting lot of load on the processor and the graphics card/chip will make the CPU fan to run at a faster speed thus causing the sound.
Sylvester K: This Desktop comes with an Integrated graphics chip.
Me: i bought a different one a while back
Me: a more powerful one
Sylvester K: Okay
Me: is it a high risk to my computer?
Sylvester K: Is the new graphics card installed on this computer?
Me: yes
Sylvester K: It is not a high risk.
Me: it has been installed for almost a year now
Sylvester K: Okay
Me: any solution or do i need to deal with the sound?
Me: Also, the bzzing does not stop until i restart my computer.
Sylvester K: Thank you for being online.

He ended with that and i was disconnected.

[Kenny]

In other words..

Boulder: My PC has problems
Sylvester K: I'm asking questions with obvious answers
Boulder: Okay... (?)
Sylvester K: Thanks for having an internet connection!
*disconnected*


That's bullcrap.

[BoulderClock]

In other words..

Boulder: My PC has problems
Sylvester K: I'm asking questions with obvious answers
Boulder: Okay... (?)
Sylvester K: Thanks for having an internet connection!
*disconnected*


That's bullcrap.

I know, not to add that it took him 10 minutes to respond to each of my replies.

[BitterClock]

TS convo shit.

Man, that was a chode move on his part. I'd honestly call again and ask for a supervisor, though from experiance, that's dicey, as HP has roughly 4 service centers that I know of to route you through so you might not get the same one... but chin up. Tech support always sucks.

Me - can I help you?
Cust- Do you know anything about Speednet?
Me - No sir, I actually know nothing about it at all.
Cust- I'd like to ask you a question then.

What the fuck part of I don't know about your service didn't he get?
Christ, I feel for ya, Boulder. People suck.

[DeadTreeClock]

Thanks for clearing that up! I'm sure lots of people are having the same problem. It's a good thing you went and talked to Mr. Sylvester K. the generically named bot with preprogrammed answers that are actually useful!

[Etnies]

my friends dad worls for hp ill ask him about it

[WalkieTalkieClock]

Thanks for clearing that up! I'm sure lots of people are having the same problem. It's a good thing you went and talked to Mr. Sylvester K. the generically named bot with preprogrammed answers that are actually useful!

I love you.

[DeadTreeClock]

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF SYLVESTER K:

Chapter II: Sylvester Becomes a Doctor

Sylvester K: These are the normal side effects.
Me: I changed to a generic brand a while back
Me: and upped the dosage
Sylvester K: Okay
Me: is it a high risk to my health?
Sylvester K: are you abusing the drug?
Me: yes
Sylvester K: It is not a high risk.
Me: I have been doing this for over a year now
Sylvester K: Okay
Me: any solution or do i need to deal with the addiction?
Me: Also, the bzzing does not stop until i sleep for 15 hours.
Sylvester K: Thank you for coming in, please check out at the front desk.




Your turn. >=D

[Zeffy]

This reminds me of the time last week. My family ordered delivery and we were paying with cash. The person comes up, I hand her $40 (The order was $30), I was like "here's $40", gives the food and starts going down the stairs and all without giving change.

She assumed I was giving her a $10 tip and never asked.

[Marlin Clock]

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF SYLVESTER K:

Chapter II: Sylvester Becomes a Doctor

Sylvester K: These are the normal side effects.
Me: I changed to a generic brand a while back
Me: and upped the dosage
Sylvester K: Okay
Me: is it a high risk to my health?
Sylvester K: are you abusing the drug?
Me: yes
Sylvester K: It is not a high risk.
Me: I have been doing this for over a year now
Sylvester K: Okay
Me: any solution or do i need to deal with the addiction?
Me: Also, the bzzing does not stop until i sleep for 15 hours.
Sylvester K: Thank you for coming in, please check out at the front desk.




Your turn. >=D

LOL
It's times like these I know the Matrix is an impossibility.

[WalkieTalkieClock]

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF SYLVESTER K:

Chapter II: Sylvester Becomes a Doctor

Sylvester K: These are the normal side effects.
Me: I changed to a generic brand a while back
Me: and upped the dosage
Sylvester K: Okay
Me: is it a high risk to my health?
Sylvester K: are you abusing the drug?
Me: yes
Sylvester K: It is not a high risk.
Me: I have been doing this for over a year now
Sylvester K: Okay
Me: any solution or do i need to deal with the addiction?
Me: Also, the bzzing does not stop until i sleep for 15 hours.
Sylvester K: Thank you for coming in, please check out at the front desk.




Your turn. >=D

Sylvester K becomes and Airplane Pilot...

Silvester K: These are the normal side effects.
Me: I think we should do something about the engine
Me: it's leaking fuel
Sylvester K: Okay
Me: is it a high risk to crash
Sylvester K: are you using the engine too much?
Me: what? no.
Sylvester K: It is not a high risk.
Me: are you sure? it's on fire now
Sylvester K: Okay
Me: any solution or do are we going to crash?
Me: Also, the buzzing wont stop until we fix it
Sylvester K: Thank you for flying with us goodbye

[BitterClock]

Me: hello?
Sylvester K: Welcome to Lil magnum premium service line. My name is Sylvester K. How may I assist you today?
Me: Hi
Me: whenever i play my vibrator it  begins to make a loud buzzing noise
Me: so far its caused no problems in my performence but its a bit annoying
Me: is there anything i could do to solve this problem?
Sylvester K: Is the model number of the handheld electronic device with this issue SR1030NX ?
Me: yes
Sylvester K: Thank you for confirming the model number.
Sylvester K: I understand that the  handheld electronic device makes a loud buzzing sound only while using alot of energy. Otherwise this sound is not produced.
Sylvester K: Am I right?
Me: correct
Sylvester K: When the issue first occur?
Me: a few months ago
Me: what is wrong with it?
Sylvester K: Have you checked if there are any dirt accumulated on the handheld electronic device?
Me: i have sprayed it out with dust off
Sylvester K: And also let me know if the handheld electronic device  gets heated up and/or the handheld electronic device freezes while playing the "games".
Me: the tower heats up in the back but not in the front, and there is no freezing during "games"
Sylvester K: Okay
Me: is it fixable?
Sylvester K: Alec, the computer making a loud buzzing sound is due the high usage putting a lot of load on the processor and the motor will make the handheld electronic device's fan to run at a faster speed thus causing the sound.
Sylvester K: This dildo comes with an Integrated graphics chip.
Me: ... that doesn't make sense.
Me: i bought a different one a while back
Me: a more powerful one
Sylvester K: Okay
Me: is it a high risk to my current one?
Sylvester K: Is the new graphics card installed on this handheld device?
Me: erm.... there is no display.
Sylvester K: It is not a high risk if washed.
Me: it has been operating for almost a year now
Sylvester K: Okay
Me: any solution or do i need to deal with the sound?
Me: Also, the bzzing does not stop until i restart.
Sylvester K: Thank you for buying from us, we hope to make your dreams as big as your heart.

He ended with that and i was disconnected.

[DeadTreeClock]

Chapter IV: A New Hope (slinky's can be chapter III when we go to make the series ok)

Me: hello?
Sylvester K: Welcome to the emergency room. My name is Sylvester K. How may I assist you today?
Me: Hi
Me: Whenever I got stabbed I bled a lot
Me: I started feeling very faint
Me: so far its caused only slight problems in me staying alive but its very annoying
Me: is there anything i could do to solve this problem?
Sylvester K: Did you get stabbed with a knife?
Me: yes
Sylvester K: Thank you for confirming the method of wound infliction.
Sylvester K: I understand that the bleeding is caused by you being stabbed by a knife. Otherwise this blood loss does not occur.
Sylvester K: Am I right?
Me: correct
Sylvester K: When did the issue first occur?
Me: an hour ago
Me: what is wrong with me?
Sylvester K: Have you checked if there is any blood left in your body?
Me: i have tried drinking cranberry juice to trick my body into thinking I still had blood in it
Sylvester K: And also let me know if your limbs start feeling numb or if your skin turns pale.
Me: I feel kind of pale and the tingling around where I got stabbed has stopped or I just can't feel it from the blood loss
Sylvester K: Okay
Me: is it fixable?
Sylvester K: Alec, the blood loss is from you being stabbed with a knife.
Sylvester K: this knife presumably had a sharp edge, which is how it was able to cut you.
Me: i bought a band aid a while back
Me: a really big one
Sylvester K: Okay
Me: should I use it?
Sylvester K: are you still bleeding a lot?
Me: yes
Sylvester K: It is not a high risk.
Me: I have been bleeding for almost an hour now
Sylvester K: Okay
Me: any solution or do i need to deal with it?
Me: Also, the bleeding goes through my bandages and does not stop.
Sylvester K: Thank you for your phone call, it was nice chatting with you.

He ended with that and i was disconnected.

[Munglai]

Chapter V: Sylvester Becomes an Emergency Line Guy (whatever they are called)

Me: there was a gang shoot out!
Me: my friend was shot in the chest!
Sylvester K: Was he shot with a gun?
Me: he's bleeding fast and I think he might die!
Me: yes
Sylvester K: These are the normal side effects.
Me: I wrapped the wound in the sleeve of my coat
Me: but it won't stop bleeding!
Sylvester K: Okay
Me: is he going die?
Sylvester K: have you covered the wound?
Me: yes
Sylvester K: It is not a high risk.
Me: he's been bleeding for over ten minutes now
Sylvester K: Okay
Me: can you send an ambulance right away!?
Me: Also, his body has gone cold!
Sylvester K: Thank you for calling.

hang up




Tree's was better. Also he ripped me off while I was typing this.

[theqy]

thats must have been a pain in the ass, good luck with ur comp

[DeadTreeClock]

pain in the ass

This is another one of Sylvester K's specialties!

[BitterClock]

This is another one of Sylvester K's specialties!

Me : It won't stop buzzing!
Sylvester K: There is no risk.
Me: My ass is buzzing!!!
Sylvester K: Did you swallow bees?
Me: What? No.
Sylvester K: There is no risk.
Sylvester K: Thank you for calling, bye.
Me: NOOO!!!!

[LeviathanClock]

Sylvester K becomes and Airplane Pilot...

Silvester K: These are the normal side effects.
Me: I think we should do something about the engine
Me: it's leaking fuel
Sylvester K: Okay
Me: is it a high risk to crash
Sylvester K: are you using the engine too much?
Me: what? no.
Sylvester K: It is not a high risk.
Me: are you sure? it's on fire now
Sylvester K: Okay
Me: any solution or do are we going to crash?
Me: Also, the buzzing wont stop until we fix it
Sylvester K: Thank you for flying with us goodbye

Sylvester K becomes an army general...

Sylvester K: These are the normal side effects.
Me:Sir the enemy is preparing to launch a nuclear missile.
Me:What should we do?
Sylvester K:Okay
Me:Shouldnt we do something?
Sylvester K:Is it actually exploding yet?
Me:No
Sylvester K:It is not a high risk.
Me:What do you mean its not a high risk?
Me:We are about to be turned into radioactive vapour!!!
Sylvester K:Thank you for fighting with us goodbye

Sylvester K flies away in a helicopter.
Me: DAMN YOU!!!

[Slurpee]

Sylvester K becomes an undercover cop

me: Hello?
Sylvester K: Are you looking for a good time big boy?
me: I might be.
me: I'm a bit tired, as I just got off from work.
me: How much would it run me?
Sylvester K: Are you a white male above the legal age of consent?
me: That's correct.
Sylvester K: Thank you for confirming the potential federal crimes involved in this transaction.
Sylvester K: I understand you're a bit tired, because you've just got off from work, and you're not suffering from any other ailments.
Sylvester K: Is this correct?
me: Yes.
Sylvester K: Would you like to proceed with the transaction?
me: Yes.
Sylvester K: You are under arrest for soliciting a prostitute. Lay on the ground and put your hands behind your head.
me:  Whoa. Okay.
me: Are you going to read me my rights?
Sylvester K: Thank you for being alive.

[Munglai]

CHAPTER X: Sylvester K Becomes a Funeral Director

Me: hello?
Sylvester K: Welcome to HP Funeral Directors. My name is Sylvester K. How may I assist you today?
Me: Hi
Me: whenever i go to visit my dad in the cancer ward
Me: my dad is dead
Me: so far its caused no problems in my visit but its a bit annoying
Me: is there anything i could do to solve this problem?
Sylvester K: Is the model number of the dad with this issue Leonard ?
Me: yes
Sylvester K: Thank you for confirming the model number.
Sylvester K: I understand that the dad is dead only while you visit. Otherwise this death is not apparent.
Sylvester K: Am I right?
Me: correct
Sylvester K: When the issue first occur?
Me: a few weeks ago
Me: what is wrong with it?
Sylvester K: Have you checked if there is any heartbeat in the dad's chest?
Me: i have felt it with my hands
Sylvester K: And also let me know if the visit gets uncomfortable and/or the dad is cold when touched.
Me: the visit becomes uncomfertable in the back but not in the front, and he is cold during games
Sylvester K: Okay
Me: is it fixable?
Sylvester K: Alec, the dad being dead is due the cancer removing his life and the lack of conversation will make the conversation run at a slower speed thus causing the awkwardness.
Sylvester K: This dad comes with an Integrated life.
Me: i bought a different one a while back
Me: a more powerful one
Sylvester K: Okay
Me: is it a high risk to my dad's health?
Sylvester K: Is the dad dead?
Me: yes
Sylvester K: It is not a high risk.
Me:he has been dead for a long time now
Sylvester K: Okay
Me: any solution or do i need to deal with the death?
Me: Also, the dead does not stop until i leave.
Sylvester K: Thank you for.

He ended with that and i was disconnected.