gary brolsma tank n spank

[VCRClock]

[u2]IG5-s_G2csM[/u2]

clicked for brian auger (7:09); balls shriveled at 5:35 and 7:19

if you don't like what you've heard so far I'll never convert you but you're wrong

[u2]BYhiErp8um8[/u2]

[d u m p y]

golden clock and i were just talking the other day about how Ray Manzarek was a living god

[Slurpee]

im too tired to slurpeepost. please pretend this was a convincing recontextualization of my baseless invective against the popular musical instrument as... brrrrave?

[PhantomCatClock]

It's still going in the book

[RobClock]

Today is my first day at my new job and the excitement of leaving the old shithole has finally given way to nervousness about being unstable financially for the first time and having to once again prove my value and worth to a new set of employers


here's another funny golden age superman

[GreyClock]

That's cool, good luck. Financial instability is where it's at. I'll be broke in a few months, I have to leave my student housing in a few months, I don't have a job yet. This sounds like a recipe for homelessness.

I could've had a job already if my friend Dopey McDipshit hadn't neglected to mention my name BEFORE he went on vacation, instead of being all surprised that the position had been filled after he came back two weeks later.

[GreyClock]

I mean working as a filing clerk for the government? How cushy can a job get? "Have you put those reports in the appropriate cardboard box?" "Sure thing Steve! Time for lunch."

[RobClock]

I'm very jealous of the people who regularly get on for positions with the municipal gov't they usually give to students, the pay is incredible and the work is a joke

Orientation was only like two and a half hours and I've been told four times now how to log into the hospitals website, but not once told where to report when I get called in or what I should be doing when I show up

[GreyClock]

Did you ask?

[RobClock]

I got a call about ten minutes after making that post that said i was supposed to go with the lady after the class ended and I was told I was free to go just to confirm that i was ready for orientation in my department

fortunately i didnt miss anything, department orientation is at 8am tomorrow

[RenegadeClock]

I'll be broke in a few months, I have to leave my student housing in a few months, I don't have a job yet. This sounds like a recipe for homelessness.

Join ISIS. Job benefits include: weapons training, a pile of rubble to sleep under, 72 virgins, and an all you can eat hummus buffet.

[d u m p y]

I'll be broke in a few months, I have to leave my student housing in a few months, I don't have a job yet. This sounds like a recipe for homelessness.

Join ISIS. Job benefits include: weapons training, a pile of rubble to sleep under, 72 virgins, and an all you can eat hummus buffet.

Hummus Buffet was my father's name

[GreyClock]

I got a call about ten minutes after making that post that said i was supposed to go with the lady after the class ended and I was told I was free to go just to confirm that i was ready for orientation in my department

wha t

Join ISIS. Job benefits include: weapons training, a pile of rubble to sleep under, 72 virgins, and an all you can eat hummus buffet.

My only reservation about joining ISIS is the hummus, I don't think I've ever had it before and what if I don't like it?

[RobClock]

I got a phone call from a woman in the department I will be working. She said I was supposed to go down there after I finished general orientation in the classroom, but when we finished in the classroom I was told I was free to go, so I left and went home. Fortunately I didn't actually miss anything.

Sorry i phrased that so poorly initially.

[Slurpee]

hummus is okay but it's more of an "all you feel like eating" than an "all you could eat" iyfm

I'd bet isis just had a lot of hummus for whatever reason and figured they'd pad out their benefits with it. kind of like the clock crew's failed community borscht brunch deal

[PhantomCatClock]

It's... earthy

[PhantomCatClock]

Also there was a big hummus recall in January so be careful. You won't impress anyone if all 72 of your virgins see you shitting your brains out

[Slurpee]

I checked Wikipedia to see where the whole 72 virgins thing comes from, since it doesn't really make sense, right? like are they human? sentient? where did they come from? how would a finite number of anything constitute an eternal reward? these seem like pretty basic concerns

turns out the "72 virgins" are pretty apocryphal and kind of a weird reading of what's otherwise described as an indefinite amount of angelic beings called "houri" who are incorruptible and pretty and when you get to heaven they will always be your pal?

it's kind of hard to tell though tbh. the descriptions on this page range from timeless and reasonably impassioned descriptions of spiritual paradise to something more closely resembling the syphilitic ravings of a mad man

And among His wonders is this: He creates for you mates out of your own kindC so that you might incline towards them, and He engenders love and tenderness between you: in this, behold, there are messages indeed for people who think! ... And He it is who creates [all life] in the first instance, and then brings it forth anew: and most easy is this for Him, since His is the essence of all that is most sublime in the heavens and on earth, and He alone is almighty, truly wise.

[People who enter Paradise] will not urinate, relieve nature, spit, or have any nasal secretions. Their combs will be of gold, and their sweat will smell like musk. The aloes-wood will be used in their censers. Their wives will be houris. All of them will look alike and will resemble their father Adam (in stature), sixty cubits tall.

the first group to get into Paradise would have their faces as bright as full moon during the night, and the next to this group would have their faces as bright as the shining stars in the sky, and every person would have two wivesG and the marrow of their shanks would glimmer beneath the flesh and there would be none without a wife in Paradise.

you will be united in healthy, eternally youthful forms with all of your loved ones, for through God all things are possible ALSO THEY WILL SMELL MUSKY AND BE EXACTLY SIXTY CUBITS TALL AND YOU WILL BE ABLE TO SEE INSIDE OF THEIR GLIMMERING SHANKS TO THE MARROW BENEATH THEIR FLESH YEEEEAAAAAHHHH

this is my favorite though

the Quran does state that in Heaven, all believers would be granted not only the eternal company of houris, but also that of "boys of perpetual freshness"

now I know I only know ONE group of boys of perpetual freshness, y'all
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[Slash]

Hummus is pretty tasty man.
It's got a pretty distinct flavor.

[Slurpee]

 hummus tastes like the mush in your mouth when you chew chickpeas

I don't mean that as a bad thing

another way to look at it is when you chew chickpeas they become hummus