whole foods market

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out of date

the calendar should have some more for you

[PhantomCatClock]

what is the hour you posted that post

what is the real timestamp

what are you hiding

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there's an episode of Pokemon where Team Rocket is bullying a nerd and they stop and go "what's that sound?" and they show the nerd quivering and Team Rocket goes "his knees are shaking!"
and as a I kid I remember thinking that was really stupid because nobody shakes in fear so hard that their knees rattle, that's not a thing

then I got a little older and learned about how american localization companies would make huge changes to make things more kid-appropriate by american standards, like painting bikinis onto naked women, shit like that. and one day I remember the nerd's knees shaking and I was like "ohhhh... dude, I bet he was pissing himself"
it explains everything. because you'd hear a dude pissing himself and would probably not realize what the sound was at first, and it explains "his knees are shaking" because it's a hasty cover-up you could go with because the stance you'd take if you were peeing your pants would look like your knees were bumping together, and the camera would be focused on that area

I looked up the original japanese episode, and, nope, I was wrong, it was his knees shaking. which brings me back to my original child self's point of what the fuck

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I have posted about piss every other night for THREE NIGHTS and will continue to do so for ONE HUNDRED YEARS or I won't.
which is true? buy the t-shirt to find out

[PhantomCatClock]

Page of the Tenfold Beast Who Is Bad at Math

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Page of the Tenfold Beast Who Is Bad at Math

hehe

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today:
- two people climbed the empire state building and hung up a flag that said something about love and then got engaged. fine. I don't care
- was duke nukem's bbirthday. happy birthday duke
- was postal service appreciation day. or postal worker appreciation day? I'm not gonna check, but thank you postel service and workers, I appreciate you =)
- a catholic archbishop went rogue and tried to consecrate four new bishops without the pope's mandate. all five men have been automatically excommunicated. like the pope didn't do it, they excommunicated themselves by doing this. apparently they're still mad about the second vatican counsel from 1965 lol. dorks.
- sony announced they would stop producing new video game discs and were going all digital and also that they were closing the ps3 store. this comes shortly after they decided that a bunch of customers' digital purchases of movies no longer count and the people who bought them no longer own them. this is also stupid
- the u.s. beat bosnia in soccer. and is NOT going to be the only soccer world cup host country to not make it into the final 16. apparently we are hosting the soccer world cup? who knew? anyway getting into the top 16 is basically winning, so congratulations to america

this has been THE NEWS. it's too many. no more news for a while. thank you for reading THEW NEWS.

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the "americans will do anything to avoid using the metric system" meme but 'America is 250 years old today! That's as old as three Donald Trumps'

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i played video games all day but i trust nothing cringe happened

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i played video games all day but i trust nothing cringe happened

as I said, no more news for a while

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Itchy & Scratchy Land has a joke about John Travolta being washed up
it aired October 2nd, 1994, just twelve days before Pulp Fiction revitalized his career

I don't have a joke, I just thought that was interesting

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characters who could resist the one ring AND solve the kira case
droopy dog. I told you this already. you really must pay more attention

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is there a third interesting open pop culture question after "could x solve the kira case?" and "could x resist the one ring?"?

I feel like they're fun questions because one is a fundamental test of their worldview and reasoning capabilities, the other of their resilience and humility, aspects of character that aren't typically pushed to their limits by a normal adventure

a third question would have to fundamentally test some other aspect of a character that isn't normally tested in such a pure way

brainstorming
• could x out of duty allow themselves to be remembered forever as a traitor to their country and be killed by naked snake in order to avert open warfare between the united states and the soviet union?
• could x double-clutch like they should instead of granny shifting and frying those piston rings?
• could x kill sidney prescott?
• could x hack the gibson?
• could x defeat the undertaker at wrestlemania?
• could x tame and ride a leonopterix, thus proving they are Toruk Makto?
• could x make the Jecht shot?
• could x redeem darth vader?
• could x buy booze with a 25 year old's Hawaiian ID that just says "mclovin"?
• could x kiss the merovingian's wife in a way that would get her to help them free the keymaker?
• could x think about nothing when prompted to choose the form of the destructor?
• could x put their hands in the uh... box thing? I don't know what the hell dune's about sorry
• could x figure out how to play dwarf fortress?
• could x find a mrs. claus to get married to so they don't turn back into tim allen?
• could x string odysseus's bow?
• could x's prayers pierce the darkness of giygas?
• could x's mind correlate its contents enough to recognize that the bas belief carved by henry anthony wilcox is the same creature depicted in the statue of unidentified green and black stone recovered from the supposed voodoo ritual in new orleans and the singular tribe of degenerate eskimos in west greenland, and connect it to a stray article from an australian newspaper detailing the discovery of a derelict ship?
• could x win so much fame as a gladiator that they force the new emperor, who is the murderer of their wife and child, to duel them? am I remembering that right? gladiator was kind of a silly movie
• could x save jill from becoming crushed by the falling ceiling even though they said they were going back to the dining room to look for clues?

god this post is stupid

[Slurpee]

testing these questions on larry david (fictionalized version, from curb your enthusiasm):

could x solve the kira case? no
could x resist the one ring? no
could x out of duty allow themselves to be remembered forever as a traitor to their country and be killed by naked snake in order to avert open warfare between the united states and the soviet union? no
could x double-clutch like they should instead of granny shifting and frying those piston rings? no
could x kill sidney prescott? yes
could x hack the gibson? no
could x defeat the undertaker at wrestlemania? no
could x tame and ride a leonopterix, thus proving they are Toruk Makto? no
could x make the Jecht shot? no
could x redeem darth vader? no
could x buy booze with a 25 year old's Hawaiian ID that just says "mclovin"? no
could x kiss the merovingian's wife in a way that would get her to help them free the keymaker? no
could x think about nothing when prompted to choose the form of the destructor? no
could x put their hands in the uh... box thing? no
could x figure out how to play dwarf fortress? no
could x find a mrs. claus to get married to so they don't turn back into tim allen? no
could x string odysseus's bow? no
could x's prayers pierce the darkness of giygas? no
could x's mind correlate its contents enough to recognize that the bas relief carved by henry anthony wilcox is the same creature depicted in the statue of unidentified green and black stone recovered from the supposed voodoo ritual in new orleans and the singular tribe of degenerate eskimos in west greenland, and connect it to a stray article from an australian newspaper detailing the discovery of a derelict ship? no
could x win so much fame as a gladiator that they force the new emperor, who is the murderer of their wife and child, to duel them? no
could x save jill from becoming crushed by the falling ceiling even though they said they were going back to the dining room to look for clues? no

[PhantomCatClock]

oh fun a new journal meme dropped! Let's solve it for me:

could x solve the kira case? no
could x resist the one ring? no
could x out of duty allow themselves to be remembered forever as a traitor to their country and be killed by naked snake in order to avert open warfare between the united states and the soviet union? no
could x double-clutch like they should instead of granny shifting and frying those piston rings? no
could x kill sidney prescott? no
could x hack the gibson? no
could x defeat the undertaker at wrestlemania? no
could x tame and ride a leonopterix, thus proving they are Toruk Makto? no
could x make the Jecht shot? no
could x redeem darth vader? no
could x buy booze with a 25 year old's Hawaiian ID that just says "mclovin"? no
could x kiss the merovingian's wife in a way that would get her to help them free the keymaker? no
could x think about nothing when prompted to choose the form of the destructor? no
could x put their hands in the uh... box thing? no
could x figure out how to play dwarf fortress? yes
could x find a mrs. claus to get married to so they don't turn back into tim allen? no
could x string odysseus's bow? no
could x's prayers pierce the darkness of giygas? no
could x's mind correlate its contents enough to recognize that the bas relief carved by henry anthony wilcox is the same creature depicted in the statue of unidentified green and black stone recovered from the supposed voodoo ritual in new orleans and the singular tribe of degenerate eskimos in west greenland, and connect it to a stray article from an australian newspaper detailing the discovery of a derelict ship? no
could x win so much fame as a gladiator that they force the new emperor, who is the murderer of their wife and child, to duel them? no
could x save jill from becoming crushed by the falling ceiling even though they said they were going back to the dining room to look for clues? no

[Slurpee]

I think your prayers could pierce the darkness of giygas

I think you could do it

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"you are a vaingritticrüboi" -odin
"and you are an olmanannaful!" -thor

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[PhantomCatClock]

sure, one ounce of salty sailor sweat goes for 100x the price of a liter of gamer girl bath water, but you try selling both and tell me the salty sailor sweat actually moves 1% as many units

[PhantomCatClock]

james isaac kimmel