"The Portal 2"

[koalaclock]

Going through old CD's from 2001-2004, and I found this unreleased script for a sequel to "The Portal". Its totally lame, but here it is for your enjoyment....
__________

THE PORTAL
Episode 2 - Training
Written and Directed by Simon McClure
Based on the motion picture 'The Matrix'

(Title sequence)
(Ship 'Claudius')
Darnell      -   Welcome, to the real world.
Strawberry   -   What are you doing to me?
Darnell      -   Your muscles have atrophied, we're rebuilding them.
Strawberry   -   Why do my eyes hurt?
Darnell      -   Because you dont have any.
Strawberry   -   WHAAAAAT!?!?
Darnell      -   You're a clock remember?
Strawberry   -   Oh yeah. BBBB!

(Cell. Strawberry is pailer than usual, and his yellow seeds are now metallic plugs)
Strawberry   -   Where am I?
Darnell      -   More important, is when. You believe, that today is the 4th August 2003. Well, infact, its the 23rd. You've been in a coma for quite a while.
Strawberry   -   .... You did'nt answer my question.
Darnell      -   I'm crap at explaining things, so come with me.
('Cladius' deck)
Darnell      -   This is my ship, the 'Cladius'.
Strawberry   -   Funky stuff.
Darnell      -   This is the main deck, where we hack into the portal. Most of my crew, you already know.
(Clear looks very seductive)
Strawberry   -   Give her some breasts and that would be perfect.
Darnell      -   This is Daniel, banana and ????.
Banana      -   Hello strawberry
Strawberry   -   Hi
Darnell      -   The ones you dont know, Foamy
Foamy      -   Actually, I'm the Lord of darkness, Stupid.
Darnell      -   Mr Boomba
(Mr Boomba takes out a cigar and goes 'Oh Yeah')
Darnell      -   and the little one behing you is Leowie.
Leowie      -   My name is Leowie and  I like to wear ties! Ties around my arms and feet!
Darnell      -   He's a natural born, would have been blammed without warning poor guy.
Strawberry   -   Yeah, nice crew.
Darnell      -   You want to know what the Portal is right?
Strawberry   -   Yes.
Darnell      -   Sit down
Clear      -   This will feel a little weird.

(Movie Template. There is nothing but white. Strawberry is confused)
Darnell      -   This, is a default flash movie. 550 by 400, 12 frames per seconds, white background. Pritty useless. But here we can construct and program anything from clothing, to equipment, trickys penis, to pico's hair. Anything we need.
Strawberry   -   Right now, we're inside a computer program?
Darnell      -   Macromedia Flash MX to be precise.
Strawberry   -   We cant be! This is'nt real!
Darnell      -   Define real. If you're talking about what you can sense, then real is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain.
(DARNELL SWITCHES ON A TV)
Darnell      -   This is the world that you know. It exists now only as part of a neural-interactive simulation that we call the portal. You've been living in a dream world, Strawberry. This is the world as it exists today...
(PEACEFUL CITY TRANSFORMS INTO GHOSTLY TOWN)
Darnell      -   Welcome.. to the graveyard.. of the blammed. We have only bits and pieces of information but what we know for certain is that at some point in the early twenty-first century, internet users gathered here in Newgrounds, to be entertained my many fellow flash movies. I am one of the oldest. They then marveled at their own magnificence as they gave birth to PFS.
Strawberry   -   Public Flash Submission?
Darnell      -   How did you know, I only made that up now.
Strawberry   -   Oh?
Darnell      -   Viewers could create their own flash movies, and submit them for all too see. However, many movies were considered 'Spam'. Gradually, many fellow movies would find others the next day, gone. Vanished. They had been blammed Strawberry.
Strawberry   -   Shit! Thats where all those newbies went.
Darnell      -   We demanded justice, however, the standards never ceased to rise, and have been rising ever since, and many movies, mainly you clocks, have been erased.
Strawberry   -   But why? Darnell? Why by erased?
Darnell      -   The portal system requires bandwith to run effectivly. With thousands of new movies being released each day, the system lost out on this, and gave in to us. However, it soon developed the new means of bandwith retreval used today. Blamming.
(Large Machine grabs a pod)
Darnell      -   For the longest time I wouldn't believe it, and then I saw the fields with my own eyes. Watch them liquefy the dead so they could be fed intravenously to the living. And standing there, facing the pure horrifying precision, I came to realize the obviousness of the truth. What is the Portal? Control. The Portal is a computer generated dream world built to keep us under control in order to change a flash movie, into this.
(Silence)
Strawberry   -   Into what?
Darnell      -   This...
Strawberry   -   What do you mean this?
Darnell      -   This flash movie.
Strawberry   -   I still dont get it
Darnell      -   Fucking hell I cant be bothered anymore. Clear!
(ZAP)

(Claudius. Strawberry jumps out of his seat)
Strawberry   -   AAARGH! SHIT!!! SHIT!!
Daniel      -   Hey Strawberry, that line comes in later.
Strawberry   -   But I love that line!

(Cell)
Strawberry   -   I can't go back, can I?
Darnell      -   No. But if you could, would you really want to? I did what I did because...I had to. When the Portal was first built, there was a man born inside who had the ability to change whatever he wanted, to remake the Portal as he saw fit. It was he who freed the first of us, taught us the truth: 'As long as the Portal exists the flash community will never be free.' After he died the Oracle prophesized his return and that his coming would hail the destruction of the Portal, end the war, bring freedom to our people. That is why there are those of us who have spent our entire lives searching the Portal looking for him. I did what I did because I believe that search is over.
Strawberry   -   You're a fucking loon.

(Cladius)
(Foamy, Strawberry and Mr Boomba crowd round a screen. They are watching Miss Dynamite. Blackie bounces on a pogo stick, and her breasts bounce up and down)
Darnell   (Dressed in apron with flowers on)   -   Din-dins!!
All      -   Yeay!
(Cut to table. Darnell slams disgusting gloop into bowls)
Strawberry   -   Pardon my ignorance, but what the fuck is this bullshit.
Foamy      -   Seems like you answered your own question there Strawberry. It IS bullshit.
Strawberry   -   Bullshit?
Mr Boomba   -   WARGH!
Darnell      -   What you complaining about Strawberry? This is the healthist thing on the planet right now.
Strawberry   -   You cant eat shit! It is wrong!
Banana      -   I really dont understand you strawberry. It contains all the necersary vitamins and minerals and stuff like that.
Darnell      -   Plus, Its Loueys favorite food!
Louey      -   Bullshit is as good as my tie.
Strawberry   -   I'm not going to stand for this. I'm not eating it.
Darnell      -   Well, you'll have to wait until tomorrow. We're having pig crap!
Foamy      -   Rabbit pellets for dessert! Mmmmmm!
Strawberry   -   Cant you cook the pig instead? We could have bacon, or pork, or something CRAZY!!! Forward slash, sarcasm.
(Silence)
Darnell      -   Why did'nt I think of that?
(Walks out to cook pig)
Foamy      -   I still stand by my decision to land on the surface, and break into a derelict bagel shop. With the creamy creamy cheese!

(INT. Empty Ship)

(Cladius)
????      -   Morning, did you sleep? You will tonight, I guarantee it. I'm ????, I'll be your operator.
Strawberry   -   Hey there Tank
????      -   Goddamn, I...I got to tell you, I'm fairly excited to see what you're capable of, if Darnell is right and all...We're not supposed to talk about this, but if you are...Damn, it's a very exciting time. We got a lot to do. Let's get to it.... Now, we're supposed to start with these operation programs first, that's major boring shit. Let's do something a little more fun. How about combat training?
Strawberry   -   Jujitsu? I'm going to learn Jujitsu?... Holy shit.
????      -   Hey Mikey, I think he likes it. How about some more?
Strawberry   -   Hell yes. WARGH! I know kung fu.
Darnell      -   We all do smart ass.
Strawberry   -   Bugger.

(SPARRING PROGRAM)
Darnell      -   This, is our sparring program
Strawberry   -   Yeah, yeah. We know, we've all seen the matrix.
Darnell      -   The what now?
Strawberry   -   Come on! Lets just fight baby!
Darnell      -   OK, but you're getting no asperin later.

(THEY FIGHT)