shitty parody thread.

oh

twice now

Quote from: Maddox;1354958twice now

You really got a thing for explaining the obvious don't you?

Quote from: GreyClock;1354959You really got a thing for explaining the obvious don't you?

Yes, I do.

Quote from: Mosrhun;1354962Update your asshole, I think there might be a boot in it.

I guess I'll need to reboot my system.


hahahah get it get it get it

I'm so funny

The art of clever response is obviously not wasted on Update.

Quote from: GreyClock;1354964The art of clever response is obviously not wasted on Update.

It is indeed not wasted, I find very creative ways to use it to the fullest.

I rest my case.

I stated the obvious again.

just like I'm doing now.

UpdateClock - Proving your point for you.
[bar]~~267~ff0700~ffffff[/bar]

I was going to make a thread pretty much exactly like this but now I see I don't need to.

oh hey Greyclock

It all started when our antagonizing protagonist, StrawberryClock, woke up in a secret vineyard. It was the tenth time it had happened. Feeling barely puzzled, StrawberryClock groped a gerbil, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, he realized that his beloved dildo was missing!  Immediately he called his favorite Mormon, His dick. StrawberryClock had known His dick for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enticing ones.  His dick was unique. He was congenial though sometimes a little... dimwitted. StrawberryClock called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

   His dick picked up to a very nervous StrawberryClock. His dick calmly assured him that most long-haired sea monkeys sigh before mating, yet venomous koalas usually explosively shudder *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting StrawberryClock.  Why was His dick trying to distract StrawberryClock?  Because he had snuck out from StrawberryClock's with the dildo only two days prior.  It was a sassy little dildo... how could he resist?

   It didn't take long before StrawberryClock got back to the subject at hand: his dildo. His dick belched. Relunctantly, His dick invited him over, assuring him they'd find the dildo. StrawberryClock grabbed his George Foreman grill and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, His dick realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the dildo and he had to do it aimlessly. He figured that if StrawberryClock took the homemade car, he had take at least ten minutes before StrawberryClock would get there.  But if he took the cock mobile?  Then His dick would be excessively screwed.

   Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, His dick was interrupted by three pestering cockmonsters that were lured by his dildo. His dick cringed; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling exasperated, he aimlessly reached for his dull pencil and aggressively slapped every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the bush, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief.  That's when he heard the cock mobile rolling up.  It was StrawberryClock.

----o0o----

   As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at The Salvation Army to pick up a 12-pack of dangerous oil-soaked rags, so he knew he was running late.  With a apt leap, StrawberryClock was out of the cock mobile and went explosively jaunting toward His dick's front door.  Meanwhile inside,  His dick was panicking.  Not thinking, he tossed the dildo into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind his giraffe. His dick was worried but at least the dildo was concealed.  The doorbell rang.

   'Come in,' His dick sassily purred.  With a inept push, StrawberryClock opened the door.  'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some pestering genocidal maniac in a curb-jumping ghetto sled (Impala),' he lied.  'It's fine,' His dick assured him. StrawberryClock took a seat exotically proximate to where His dick had hidden the dildo. His dick shuddered trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness.  'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted.  But StrawberryClock was distracted. With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, His dick noticed a oafish look on StrawberryClock's face. StrawberryClock slowly opened his mouth to speak.

   '...What's that smell?'

   His dick felt a stabbing pain in his double chin when StrawberryClock asked this.  In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the dildo right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what?  I don't smell anything..!'  A lie.  A oafish look started to form on StrawberryClock's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's gerbils from when she used to have pet venomous koalas.  She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. StrawberryClock nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before His dick could react, StrawberryClock aimlessly lunged toward the box and opened it.  The dildo was plainly in view.

   StrawberryClock stared at His dick for what what must've been eight seconds. Giggling like schoolgirl, His dick groped flamboyantly in StrawberryClock's direction, clearly desperate. StrawberryClock grabbed the dildo and bolted for the door.  It was locked. His dick let out a enticing chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, StrawberryClock,' he rebuked. His dick always had been a little abrasive, so StrawberryClock knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before His dick did something crazy, like... start chucking gerbils at him or something. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he gripped his dildo tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

   His dick looked on, blankly. 'What the hell?  That seemed excessive.  The other door was open, you know.' Silence from StrawberryClock. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame seven days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for StrawberryClock. 'Oh.  You ..okay?' Still silence. His dick walked over to the window and looked down. StrawberryClock was gone.

----o0o----

   Just yonder, StrawberryClock was struggling to make his way through the imaginery desert behind His dick's place. StrawberryClock had severely hurt his scalp during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength.  Another pack of feral cockmonsters suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the dildo.  One by one they latched on to StrawberryClock.  Already weakened from his injury, StrawberryClock yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed.  The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmonsters running off with his dildo.

   About eight hours later, StrawberryClock awoke, his love handle throbbing.  It was dark and StrawberryClock did not know where he was.  Deep in the inhospitable swamp, StrawberryClock was ridiculously lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his dildo was taken by the cockmonsters. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life.  That's when, to his horror, a teensy cockmonster emerged from the foxy forest.  It was the alpha cockmonster. StrawberryClock opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmonster sunk its teeth into StrawberryClock's love handle. With a faint groan, the life escaped from StrawberryClock's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

   Less than eight miles away, His dick was entombed by anguish over the loss of the dildo.  'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened wolverine.  With a mighty thrust, he buried it deeply into his scalp.  As the room began to fade to black, he thought about StrawberryClock... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him.  But he would die alone that day.  All that remained was the dildo that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise.  And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmonsters, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come.  Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead.  So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(