It's been almost a decade since my last great discovery of how to wipe ass (http://clockcrew.net/talk/index.php?topic=42282)

So I was at the mall going to the bathroom. I saw this man with his baby in the bathroom changing diapers. Then I noticed him using this pre-packaged white wet paper to wipe his baby's ass. An eureka moment strike me. NO LAW IN THIS LAND OF THE BRAVE AND FREE FORBIDS ME FROM WIPING MY ADULT ASS WITH A BABY WIPE! It is that that exact moment that I decided to save my shit and go for a higher quality wipe at home.

$3.45 for a package of baby wipe. $2 gas to drive home immediately afterward. Using Isison's initial ass wiping technique (http://clockcrew.net/talk/index.php?topic=42282) THEN FOLLOWED BY a clean and easy baby wipe--priceless.

After my excitement settled down a bit and I sunk into my sofa with pride and happiness, I suddenly realized that my mom is still at the mall. I have to drive back and get her. 

Son, what did I just watch? There is no kitten. I came for the kitten.

fap fap fap

Oh my, Government is shutting down. I was hoping to submit my proposal for a federally funded university project next Monday, oh my~~~

The project is about "Ideas on maximizing green in university". University recently has lots of new buildings, so fields of grass are decreasing. They want to find some good ideas keeping the greens while building more stuff.......here's my idea......man, I'm smart...

Ready for my mind-blowing idea?

Ready?

Replacing all building walls with mirrors, so the grass field in front of the buildings can be mirrored and effectively doubled. Even better, all ugly buildings are now invisible, and since you don't have to water the grass in the mirror, you save half amount of water.

Thanks! no, you are welcome!

sry i can brarely type now.

You know thosee "cross your eyes" 3D porns? I wasd crossing my eyes and fapping as usual, and I acciddentally ...... well released my fury. But I thnik I released too much furry and pullded my eye muscwles, and I cannot turn my eyes back to normal now; it's now fixed in crossing position....

Hallpppp..


(User was banned for this post; Reason: Shut up.)

K, straight to the good stuff.

Problem statement:
Overweight has become one of the biggest health problem threating us today. I have an idea to solve this problem GLOBALLY.

Analysis:
Key thing here is it is over-"weight", not over-"mass". Anyone with a bit physics background knows "weight" and "mass" are different things. Weight depends on gravity, but mass does not.

Solution:
Build giant jet engines that thrust against the rotation of earth, so the rotation of earth can be slow down. Slower rotation means less gravity on earth, thus we archive body weight reduction GLOBALLY!

Thanks,

"With long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation." (Psalm 91:16)

A miracle today has happened to me, and with it I've finally come to know the Lord. I'd like to share this warm story to all of you my brothers and sisters in the name of the Good Shepard.

My toilet today was broken, so I called my landlord to fix it. Ok, everything is set, but before the repairman came, I felt the urge to shit. It was a difficult decision: to shit into a broken toilet or not to shit. Finally, I decided to shit. I shit hard like shitting rocks out. I'm sure I shitted some, but when I turned my eyes into the toilet, lo and behold, there's no shit. It's clear water with the shocking reflection of my own face. I've shitted but there's no shit!

I stood there for like 10 minutes with shock, then I came to realize it GOT TO BE the Lord was watching over me, and let my guardian angels collected the shit before I saw it.

Hench comes my salvation. Amen

I got a call from my bank this morning for writing a negative tip on recipt.

Nature is amazing but also cruel. She selects the fittest and abandons the weak. These fishes survived as winners of evolution and proudly stands out among other species, simply because they have hands. Soon they will discover the amazing usage of a hand with lotion, and share the same excitment as mankind once discovered fire.

Obviously, God is cumming into a hot smoking hole of mother nature. It's like your mom is getting f*cked and you are cheering it on a forum.

This is how Titans are made. Titans are returning, we must must eat mushrooms to grow bigger!

So I was like fapping hard this afternoon, and then I suddenly stopped, and then this awesome idea came to my mind. You guys know there's convertible cars like mustangs and BMWs that are really cool. I think why don't we make convertible airplanes like Boning 747 C (C for convretible!). That's gonna to save the airline industry.

What do you guys thing?

I was playing with unit converter today, and I find out that:

my penis is as long as 1.05702341 × 10-17 lightyear!!!!!!!

How long is yours?


(User was banned for this post; Reason: no)

Be a professional fapper


(User was banned for this post; Reason: it's really getting old)

I have just made you pregnant.

What will you do????!!!!

Get away. I didn't even make a post when I lost my virginity, but you write and whine so much just because you lost your voice.

Quote from: Two Weiner Bill;1398225stop making shitty threads

i came here to post exactly this

Bought an ipod touch for 299. Oh fuc...........

I had to say "that's nice", and I promise myself to turn off all internet and cable news source this week at home, so she won't know about her stupidity.

This is verbal rape.

Because it's founded by French, period.


(User was banned for this post; Reason: You've been getting away with making terrible topics for far too long.)

I dont know about the world, but my girlfriend is flat.